Sleeping While it Rains.

deluge orchestra
swollen roof drain lullaby--
greenery stretches

~James R. Ure

I have found that some of the most profound lessons from meditative awareness come when I'm drifting off to sleep. It's a time when I'm aware of my breathing more than most times throughout the day. It's also a time when you aren't distracted by the television, computers or other distractions. It's just you and your breath; as each cycle of breath brings deeper and deeper relaxation. Often I crack the window to feel the cool breeze calm my tense muscles and skin; I focus on the smells of clean air pouring through.

So, last night it rained for the first time this Spring. It was a soft but rhythmic shower that filled our rain gutters with gurgling activity. As I listened to the rushing water in the darkness of night, my usually stubborn perceptions couldn't tell if it was a natural stream or a man-made one. In that moment, those perceptions gave up and fell away. In that moment, it was simply bubbling water. As my mind began to relax further, it melded with the sound of the rushing water, so that there was no difference between the water and the entity labeled "James." The next thing I knew, I was waking up.

I think haiku, and Buddhism are so focused on natural themes because the environment constantly evolves in the present moment. Nature adapts to changes without begrudging the changes. It also must balance upon a middle-ground between extremes, or the entire ecosystem will collapse. In addition, the natural world doesn't curse death or cling to life--it just is. It doesn't pass judgments upon itself or any of the sentient beings existing with it. It welcomes life just as much as death--it's just the cycle of existence.

These are all themes that are strongly weaved into the Dharma, and I think Buddha's enlightenment was unlocked in part by his time spent alone in the forests and along the streams of the wilds. So, if you feel that your spiritual practice has gone stale or discouragement has set-in, follow the Buddha's example, and try finding inspiration in nature; it is, after all, your first family.

~Peace to all beings~

Buddhism: Opium for the Masses?

Buddhism has long been ignored in America but now that it is gaining in popularity, it is often being labeled as being practiced mostly by "New Age" types looking for the next spiritual fad. That seems to be the general thesis of Mark Vernon's recent article, "Buddhism is the New Opium of the People" for The Guardian news outlet. His example upfront is that of David and Victoria Beckham's four foot golden Buddha in their living room and how it smacks of consumerism.

And, perhaps he would be right if we were all like David and Victoria Beckham but most of the "western Buddhists" I know (and ones I am in contact with) are just as concerned about the commercialization of Buddhism as anyone else. Read any Buddhist blog for a time and eventually they'll write about Buddhist iconography and concepts being manipulated to sell everything from booze to yogurt. But, what can any of us do in the long run to get such companies to not manipulate our religion for their commercial gain? No much. Unfortunately, religion has long been usurped by those would seek to make a buck off it. However, that crass commercialism does not automatically delegitimize a belief system in and of itself. Sincere adherents can't be expected to answer for opportunists who don't even know what Dharma means, let alone practice it.

Unfortunately, that's not the only gripe that the author has with Buddhism in America. Vernon's article goes onto make the claim that Buddhism in America is a form of "zoning out" and avoidance of the problems of modern life. In doing so, he relied heavily upon a quote philosopher, Slavoj Zizek that paints all of western Buddhism as nothing more than a drug:

Western Buddhism presents itself as a remedy against the stresses of modern life though, as Slavoj Žižek has noted, it actually functions as a perfect supplement to modern life. It allows adherents to decouple from the stress, whilst leaving the causes of the stress intact: consumptive forces continue unhindered along their creatively destructive path. In short, Buddhism is the new opium of the people.

James: Firstly, this quote does nothing to define what Zizek (or Vernon for that matter) mean by, "Western Buddhism" which is an amorphous label of a brand of Buddhism that doesn't even exist in any concrete terms. It's just a catch-all phrase that sweeps up all American Buddhists into a convenient box that is then labeled with nearly every possible misconception of Buddhism imaginable.

It's easy to attack all American Buddhists as starry-eyed, "New Age," wannabe Buddhists when you lump them into a conveniently undefined category. Especially since there are no "Western Buddhist" monasteries to visit, no "Western Buddhist" lineage to consult and no "Western Buddhist" doctrine to define it. In other words, "Western Buddhism" is a blank canvas that anyone can color to define American Buddhists/Buddhism in any way they like-good or bad.

But, getting to the meat of the above quote, Buddhism is not interpreted by most American Buddhists as just another self-help fad that allows you to zone-out of life, disconnect from everyone and feel groovy. You can't compare David and Victoria Beckham's flirtation with Buddhism to all American Buddhists who are trying sincerely to practice what Buddha taught to improve their lives, and the world. And, simply because Buddhism is new to Americans doesn't mean that we see it as a commodity to flash around like a jewel encrusted necklace or watch--even if some high-profile celebrities do so.

The majority of Buddhists I know in America live very humble lives, have small Buddha statues (if at all) and a sparse altar space from, which to meditate. We do seek to "decouple" (to use his word) from the mental poisons of greed, hatred and delusion but that is not the same thing as numbed-out nihilism and disconnecting from the world. Other than that, we buy books from teachers to guide our practice who are highly respected people in their storied lineages and throughout Buddhism world-wide. And to label "Buddhism" as practiced in Asia as "medieval" is demeaning and purely ignorant of 2,500 years of tradition. If Buddhism, at its roots, is "medieval" then why are scientists today finding much to agree with in Buddhist philosophy? Such as seeing comparisons between concepts of rebirth and the first law of thermodynamics?

Vernon digs his hole of confusion deeper by saying, "For if Buddhism is to live in the modern world, it must be treated as a living tradition, not a preformed import." Is he honestly saying that the only valid form of Buddhism that can be treated as a living tradition in America has to be American made? If so, that's just plain absurd. There is no reason why Zen in America can't be a living, valid tradition for American culture despite it's Japanese roots. That's just silly. We'd have to say the same for Christianity; that's it's just a preformed import from Israel and not a valid living tradition. It seems, for someone who has a lot of strong criticism of American Buddhists, Vernon doesn't seem to understand the adaptability built within Buddhism very well.

As for meditation, it's not seen as the defining Buddhist practice except to a few traditions; namely Zen and Tibetan Buddhism. It preposterous to claim that meditation was never apart of early Buddhism because that was how Buddha realized enlightenment. Now, the modern, English word, "meditation" surely wasn't used but the concepts are still the same. But don't believe my supposedly ignorant, "New Age" American Buddhist, mind. Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a lengthy book on the Buddha's life, and if meditation wasn't a fundamental aspect to Buddhist practice then the 82 year old Zen monk Nhat Hanh must be a liar?

Vernon then makes the implicit claim that most American Buddhists don't even know what meditation is about; that we see it as just some "feel good" vibe in an isolated moment and not something that helps us deal with the real world in a more balanced and responsible way:

What is also missed in the focus on meditation is the ethical challenge implicit in his call. Any practice must concern your whole stance towards the world, and it's a stance that is intensely, relentlessly critical. The aim is to enquire into all aspects of your form of life.

James: Anyone who is practicing Buddhism as a way to escape life hasn't fully studied the Dharma from long-time practitioners and teachers. And, to lump those people in with all American Buddhists is irresponsible and makes the authors come across as simply looking for away to demean and discredit the growing number of sincere Buddhists across America.

~Peace to all beings~

Buddha Kitty.

Countless cultures throughout the dusty pages of history have depicted cats as very mystical, spiritual beings. So, it shouldn't come as a surprise that I find cats to be good examples of Buddhist concepts. Cats do everything with complete concentration and deliberation. They are totally absorbed with living in the now--living in the present moment. I find this most evident when they stare out the window for long periods of time; just watching the world go about its business. Observing all the movement outside with calm awareness. When the cat observes the birds flitting about in the trees it does so with complete concentration. It focuses purely on that moment; such is mindfulness. In doing so the cat maintains that cool demeanor it is known for and I think we can learn a lot from their relaxed state of being.

Perhaps we should all take some time to just sit and stare out the window at the birds. Doing so helps reduce our suffering because we cultivate a practice of staying centered in the present moment instead of trying to be in three moments at once -- the past, present and future. The more we are simply aware of what's going on presently, rather than trying to be all things, to all people, at all times, the less we will find ourselves mentally and physically exhausted to where we suffer.

Cats also sit calmly when not staring at much of anything; with little fidgeting. Notice, I said little fidgeting because I don't believe in sitting in meditation with too much discomfort. I say that because, while there is something to be learned in observing our mind's reaction to discomfort, it can also cause one to not meditate at all. So, stretching a leg out now and then isn't necessarily "bad."

But back to the cat sitting for the sake of sitting. It is totally absorbed with just being, which is a common piece of advice from teachers when meditating; to just let the present moment we are meditating with to happen, however, that might unfold. Maybe we'll think about something for a minute, and then it passes and we breath in and out. Then we could find ourselves simply listening to the sounds around us and simply enjoying being able to hear. Again, we breath in and out; and the moment passes. Always coming back to the breath to ground us with the present moment.

Then finally, the cat stands up, stretches and returns to other activities. That's another good reminder; to stretch after meditating so we don't fall down when we stand back up from lack of blood circulation in the legs!! Another nice observation I learned from cats is to do your meditation in a warm spot where the sun shines forth from the window!! Ah, but be mindful to not fall asleep in that position!!

Bowing.

PHOTO: Photographer unknown.

A Great Bodhi Day (Rohatsu) Message.

One of the reasons that I refer to the month of December as, "the holidays" in America is because it's so much more than Christmas. The Jews celebrate Chanukkah, the Muslims Ashura and many African-Americans celebrate Kwanzaa. And, for Buddhists we celebrate the enlightenment of Buddha on this day, December 8th. In honor of his endeavor, many Buddhists spend the day or month in meditation and honor his memory through acts of kindness. Often meat eating Buddhists will buy and release an animal that was in captivity--usually fish.

For this year, I found a great little piece by Roshi Pat Enkyo O'Hara. It is a great angle on how modern day, average Buddhists can take a moment to celebrate/honor the day despite a hectic schedule and life:

The legend says that as he gazed at the morning star, he said, "How marvelous, I, the great earth, and all beings are naturally and simultaneously awakened." This phrase teaches us the great lesson of interdependence, that we are not separate from all that is, but rather we are interconnected, a piece of the grand whole of the universe. And at the same time, this very piece, this "I" sitting here is an integral and vital component of the whole. When we take care of this "I", we can take care of the whole universe. So, even if we cannot devote a week or a full night but are only able to meditate for a few minutes on Bodhi Day, it can be a reminder of the wisdom that is naturally available to us, the wisdom of cultivating our minds and recognizing our relation to the whole.

James: Each year, on Bodhi day, I sit and picture all the Buddhists in the world and imagine us all together in one place, sitting united to awaken to peace in oneself, and peace in the world as Thich Nhat Hanh says. Then I broaden that picture to include the world and imagine people seeing us all sitting. Then watching them gravitate toward that peaceful energy to just sit with us, regardless of religion; to simply enjoy that moment--together, as a world, as a species, as a planet. It always makes me smile and recharges me for the new year. So, to you, dear reader; I wish you a peaceful Bodhi day and Happy New Year.

~Peace to all beings~

Surviving Imprisonment as a Buddhist.

As the echoes of the "Saffron Revolution" in Burma continue to reverberate, I have often contemplated the humble monks living in a very real "Hell Realm" of unjust imprisonment. Along with other Buddhists living in prison. One doesn't have to look very far in this world to find the "Hell Realm."

Nor does one necessarily need to believe in a metaphysical "Hell Realm" to experience the concept rattling your fragile sense of identity. For these Buddhist in prison, however, their "Hell Realm" is an all too real cage of steel and razor wire that echoes with the sounds of pure suffering.

My nights have found me haunted by the imagery of such a place; and what it does to these innocent, peaceful monks and others. So, I decided to put my university degree to work and do some research into how monks (and others), who have been released or escaped imprisonment dealt with their "Hell Realm" without becoming bitter, angry, broken spirits. What I discovered in my sleuthing not only humbled and impressed me but gave me insight into dealing with my own demons and hellish suffering.

Prison does not seem like a place conducive to any kind of Buddhist practice. It's chaotic, violent, loud and uncaring. However, something interesting happened with these people who were thrown down into the pit of despair. They were not only able to practice in captivity but understand how to live with suffering without letting it consume them. This research has been a project that has sharply focused my view of trials in my life. And just how far the human spirit can endure despite overwhelming odds stacked against it.

I want to speak first about a Buddhist layperson serving time in incarceration. In prison, there are no distractions from suffering. It is all around you. You are forced to learn how to live with your suffering and stay rooted in the now without burning a hole through your view of humanity. Take for example the case of Buddhist inmate Jarvis Jay Masters. Susan Moon relayed the following wisdom in a Shambhala Sun article from Mr. Masters:

“It’s challenging to meditate in prison,” he says, “but it’s also the perfect place. People think they have to get a nice new cushion to be able to meditate. I would be that way, too, if I had the choice. But I’m fortunate not to have a new cushion. I feel the hard floor. This is where life is. Not knowing what’s going to happen tomorrow has its way of making time more precious. When you’ve been sentenced to death, you know you don’t have much time. You’re forced to look at what is, right now.”

James: Masters realized that trapping himself inside his mind, fighting in vain to take back his crimes wasn't going to change anything except ensure a deepening of suffering for all involved. Desiring to escape the consequences of his actions wasn't going to help. After all, desire, he says are what got him in trouble in the first place. He had to absorb himself in the moment and find freedom in the Dharma. Again from the Moon piece: "You’re either going to go crazy, or kill yourself—just go dead inside, in your soul if not your body—or find something to sustain you in a spiritual realm. You’ve got to have a way to take care of yourself when things go wrong, when you don’t get any mail or visits, or you start messing with your own head..."

This brings us to the monks. Palden Gyatso spent 33 years in a Chinese prison for being a Tibetan Buddhist monk who refused to denounce the Dalai Lama. Murderers, were set free before prisoners like Gyatso. The suffering he faced makes what most of us endure sound like pleasure. The following quotes about Gyatso come from an article by George Bryson. "His worst experience of all was the time he was under interrogation and a prison guard shoved the electrical cattle prod straight into his mouth. The explosive shock that followed knocked him unconscious."

James: How do you carry on with life after being treated worse than animals for slaughter? Especially the self-torturing question of, "Why me?" Gyatso's Buddhist practice of not clinging to a sense of self (anatta) is what helped him keep from being consumed with a feeling of personal injustice.

"It's not just Tibet. It happened to Jewish people (during the Holocaust), and it's happening all over the world." In this regard, he was far from alone. He was linked to all wrongfully imprisoned people around the globe. This gave him a reason to live -- to help others suffering in prison through meditating on compassion. That is also what aided him to avoid being utterly consumed by rage for his captors. "His torturers simply struck him out of ignorance, he said. The ignorant need our compassion and our help. He holds no lingering animosity toward them. Said Gyatso: "I have no anger toward any human, any Communist Chinese."

In countries like China and Burma, it is common for police, military and prison guards to have taken that job out of fear of being the one oppressed. Plus, it's a job in a society where economic opportunity is rare. The karma from their actions will sting far longer than the whips lashed upon their innocent prisoners. So, for Gyatso to be able to see the fear and weakness in their minds brought about a change in focus that made all the difference in surviving prison not only intact, but spiritually stronger. For Burmese activist, Nay Tin Myint, the turning point to surviving wrongful imprisonment came through not attaching to the limitations of the body. "They put my body in prison, but I decided they could not have my mind" said Myint in an article for The Wall Street Journal.

In conclusion, I can not imagine the suffering that these prisoners face. Nor can I imagine the physical pain they endured, but I am convinced that the Dharma is a powerful tool if we remember to use it. This isn't just something that only well-trained monks are capable of; we're all capable of it as well. Take the example of lay Buddhist meditator, Wang Jianxin of China. The ditch digger survived being buried alive for two hours by controlling his breath through meditation; according to the article from The Daily Mail online by

~Peace to all beings~

Living the Simple Life: Stories and Teachings of Munindra.

Anagarika Munindra was a Bengali Buddhist master who many (certainly in the west) might not of heard about, and there's a reason for it. He was a very simple yet profound man who didn't seek attention or recognition for his presence of being. Yet the energy that he radiated made him a magnet that seekers of awakening couldn't help but be attracted to. Whenever he went; people followed.

His teaching was not complicated, which in my mind that is the true nature of Buddhadharma. Recently some students of his compiled a book ("Living this Life Fully: Stories and teachings of Munindra") of what it was like to learn from his side and the end result is a true example in living the Dharma. He doesn't just teach you--he shows you.

I get a lot of Dharma books from publishers and there are a fair number that rarely grab my attention immediately. A lot of times I find myself laboriously hacking my way through a dull and scattered book as if I was making my way through the maze-like Ituri rain forest in Congo, Africa. I was pleased, however, to crack open this book to the first page and be greeted with this breath of Dharmic fresh air.

Everything is meditation in this practice, even while eating, drinking, dressing, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, thinking. Whatever you are doing, everything should be done mindfully, dynamically, with totality, completeness, thoroughness, Then it becomes meditation, meaningful, purposeful. It is not thinking but experiencing from moment to moment, living from moment to moment, without clinging, without condemnation, without judging, without evaluating, without comparing, without selecting, without criticizing--choiceless awareness. Meditation is not only sitting; it is a way of living. It should be integrated with your whole life. It is actually an education in how to see, how to hear, how to smell, how to eat, how to drink, how to walk with full awareness. To develop mindfulness is the most important factor in the process of awakening.

James: What else needs to be said of the Dharma? Indeed it is simple if one can be totally absorbed in each moment; whatever that moment might find us doing. This teaching reminds me so much my Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh addresses Dharma practice. A lot of this book mirrors what Nhat Hanh speaks of, so if you like his style then you'll really get a lot out of this book. Another section that resonated with me was Munindra's approach to sectarianism, which is so silly. Sectarianism is like two school boys having a contest to see who can pee the furthest. The Buddha taught one Dharma and that's the approach Munindra takes. As one student said of him, "awareness was awareness, and it was open to anyone." Student Eric Kupers noticed: I didn't notice any sectarianism from him at all, or "you gotta sign up for something" or "you shouldn't sign up for something." It was just very much about living truth of the teachings in the moment in a very down-to-earth way.

James: Such wisdom resonates deeply within my essence because when we are truly absorbed with the present moment, all lines of demarcation between "us and them" fall apart like an structureless cloud revealing a clarity of mind that is as crisp and clear as the blue sky. Munindra understood firmly that no sect, tradition or teacher has a copyright on the present moment. It belongs to none of us, yet is apart of us. As student Robert Sharf remembers, "Basically, it doesn't matter style of practice you're doing. Either you're doing it mindfully or you're not."

This is an excellent book on showing the way to being at one with the freedom of the present moment. So, while formal meditation is very valuable we must learn how to make our meditation mobile. Thus, it infuses our every moment and we can practice anywhere and at anytime. You'll find powerful insights packed into just the first few chapters more than the entire length of a lot of books. It's a must have for a serious Dharma practitioner.

~Peace to all beings~

Myths About Meditation. Hint: It's Not Just for Buddhists.

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens. - Carl Jung.

Meditation has brought life-changing benefits to millions of people world-wide. It is perhaps one of the original "self-help" programs as it helps calm the mind, stabilize emotions and motivate. Meditation is probably best known in Buddhism and the Hindu belief system but it can not be said that one must be a Buddhist or Hindu to benefit from it. That is one of the persisting myths about meditation, which is sad because it could be holding some non-Buddhists back from really benefiting from the discipline. This and many myths about meditation are raised in a recent article by Doctor Ronald Alexander (who specializes in psychology):

Myth 4: "Practicing mindfulness meditation will conflict with my religious beliefs." The practice of mindfulness meditation is free of religious and spiritual dogma. In fact, if you believe in turning to God for guidance, you can use mindfulness meditation to set aside distractions and listen to the divine wisdom that can be found only when you tune out the endless chain of thoughts your own mind creates. This form of meditation turns down the volume of the chatter in your mind and allows you to tune in to deeper wisdom and insight. Mindfulness practice is a pathway to discovery that any of us can use, regardless of our religious or spiritual beliefs.

To read the rest of the article click on this sentence.

~Peace to all beings~

When Meditating, Let Go of Expectations.

It is important to sit with the clear intention to be present. At the same time, we need to let go of expectations. In a very real sense, what happens when we sit is none of our business.

The practice is to accept whatever arises instead of trying to control our experience. What we can control is our wise effort to be present with what is. We can spend a lot of our sitting time dwelling on memories of past sittings or fantasizing of those to come.

When we read or hear about the benefits of meditation, it is tempting to dwell on the stories of wonderful outcomes instead of doing the work of actualizing these possibilities ourselves. There can be a big gap between what we have read about and what is actually happening. Sitting is a way of putting our bodies behind our aspirations.

-Narayan Liebenson Grady, "The Refuge of Sitting" (Winter 2003)

James: Nothing breeds discouragement with our meditation practice more than having expectations of how it is "supposed to be." That is why I like this quote about using meditation to just be present with your mind in whatever state you find it in. To become aware of our mind and what it is reflecting from inside our subconsciousness at any given moment is enough practice to work on for a lifetime. As much as we like to think we have things figured out in this existence the reality is that most of us are clueless, and bumbling through life like an inexperienced boy scout crashing through the forest.

In keeping with the analogy, I was always told when I was a boy scout that if I ever got lost to just sit down next to a tree and stay in that area. It makes it easier for people to find you as you aren't a moving target and you don't waste energy needed to sustain being lost for an indefinite period of time. Spiritually, we are lost in the woods. The woods being samsara while staying put in one place is akin to sitting down to meditate and center our mind in one place. When our mind is resting in the present moment we stop wasting energy chasing expectations and come to terms with what's really going on in that spinning washing machine like mind of ours.

Only when we accept what is bubbling up from our subconsciousness can we truly understand what is causing our suffering. Yet (as the quote warns us) don't expect every meditation session to ease your suffering. It seems that meditation is a bit like a box of chocolates (as Forest Gump would say) "You never know what you're gonna get." Sometimes meditation can make you feel a bit worse before you feel better because it will dredge up a long hidden obstacle. But don't freak out and stop meditating--it's good to dig up that shit because you're now aware of it and being aware is useful because you know where to focus your energies. Regardless of what happens when you meditate, it's all beneficial. There is nothing in life that isn't beneficial. It's our mind that says otherwise but the mind is exactly where the problem lies in the first place!! We can't rely upon the very mind that deludes us to bring us back to reality.

The mind might not want to reflect on something painful and seek to cast it aside as unhelpful but perhaps that's the exact reason to NOT cast it aside but to focus extra attention upon it. Perhaps the mind casts it aside because it knows that to focus upon it would mean it would have to see things differently and it doesn't want to do that because old habits are hard to break. Yet habit energy is what propels us incessantly through this cycle of birth, death and rebirth. Habit energy is another way of saying karma.

The mind isn't our friend--It's a delusion in an of itself, so of course it's going to try and distract us with doubt, which is one of the five hindrances Buddha taught to be aware of. Meaning, even BUDDHA faced those obstacles to meditation or else how would he be aware of them to warn us? So, you're in good company in facing obstacles to your meditation practice--that's what I try to keep reminding myself. Buddha and countless other greats in Buddhist history faced similar trials. So, in it's basic form meditation is simply about watching the mind--keep a eye on it to see where it has led us astray and where it would continue to like to lead us astray. Above all else don't feel bad if you can't always formally meditate because awareness can be had while doing anything. Washing the dishes mindfully or taking a mindful walk around a park. That's the beauty of Buddhism--it can be practiced anywhere. Not just in a formal meditation posture.

ADDENDUM: Special thanks to Philip Ryan over at Tricycle for the quote.

~Peace to all beings~

The Cure.

Just like a fever breaks, last night I felt a deep and rejuvenating release from the rising waters that had crested yesterday with my, "discouraged" post. It isn't the "cure" of liberation from the cycle of suffering and rebirth but rather a break in the fever that is discouragement. Writing out my emotions has long helped me process the disorienting thoughts that ensnares all of our minds. It is a form of honesty, which is a trait that I've been blessed and cursed with. Blessed in the sense that it helps me dissect confusing emotions with direct and exacting examination but cursed only in the sense that such honesty means facing sometimes painful and uncomfortable realities. Yet, despite the discomfort it seems to be one of the most direct and effective ways of dealing with obstacles and discouragement.

This release was initiated with my honest writings yesterday, and the sympathetic comments helped me let go of my guilt that somehow I was "failing" as a Buddhist. Intuitively I knew this deep within the recesses of my mind but hearing it from outside yourself always seems to help convince you that what you suspected is in fact reality, and not just your mind tricking you yet again with another delusion.

So, last night lying in bed I had the most unconventional yet therapuetic meditation. Lying in bed I embraced the exhaustion of the day and just enjoyed the feeling of my tired body being cradled by our cloud-like bed. The soft, soothing, rhythmic breathing of my wife cuddled against me brought me a deep sense of calm. Being fully present in the moment I was aware of my own chest rising and falling with deep, natural breaths. Absorbing the feeling as the boundaries and limits between my body and my immediate surroundings blended into the music of the band, "The Cure." Thus, the title of the post.

Feeling limitless yet grounded at the same time--like the sky stretching from horizon to horizon, free to flow yet held from disappearing into outer space by the grounding power of gravity. As I floated about in this state of pure awareness I soon drifted off in a deep restful sleep. Today I awoke feeling like a huge weight was lifted from my mind. A new day has dawned and yet I am thankful for the reminder lesson I was given in my months of struggle. As they say, "It's always darkness before the dawn" and yesterday was that darkest water mark before it crested and ebbed to make way for pure, stabilizing balance that comes from a deep grounding of oneness.

~Peace to all beings~

Discouraged.

***WARNING: LONG Rant ahead that's not your typical "Kittens and flowers" Buddhist post***

I'm struggling lately in my Dharma practice. I haven't meditated in months--not because I don't want to because I do, but I just can't get myself to do it. A large part of it is my mental illness that makes finding motivation extra challenging. Especially when the heavy medicating drugs I have to take to prevent mania and psychotic episodes zap me further of the will to do much of anything. It's difficult to fully convey how difficult it is to over-come.

Furthermore, I deal with a constant level of depression just beneath the surface of even my best days where I feel fairly decent. And please don't say, "Everyone gets depressed" because deep, clinical depression isn't like just having a bad day. Irregardless of that it's just an insensitive thing to say to someone who is living with clinical depression. It's chronic and biologically based on chemical imbalances in the brain.

And it's not as easy as just taking a pill because I already do, and still there is this underlying level of feeling like life isn't worth it. People think just because there are medications that they are cures--they help take the corners off the sharpest symptoms but they don't "cure" you in the sense that they don't bring you to the level of those who don't live with a severe mental illness.

Ironically, I was attracted in part to Buddhism because of it's psychological benefits, and I still believe it has immense help for those dealing with mental illness. However, Buddhism is difficult for anyone let alone for people with mental health challenges (unless you're enlightened, and how many can honestly claim that?). And it seems that the more I think I know about Buddhism the less I actually do. Everyone loves that "honeymoon phase" when you first taste the Dharma and it literally changes the way you see the world for the better but then the nitty-gritty, hard work begins and at times you stop and ask yourself, "Is this really worth it?"

It is. Buddhism can be a real bitch, and sometimes I wish I could just adhere to a religion where blind faith was about all I needed to do. However, I have felt those fleeting moments of enlightenment too profoundly to abandon the Dharma. I'm just discouraged about how poor my practice is right now, and has been for some time. An aspect of this discouragement stems from a lot of anger that I struggle with on a daily basis, which is, in part, again, rooted in the schizoaffective disorder.

I have Attention Deficit Disorder (or, A.D.D.) in conjunction with the affective side of things (affective simply means mood disorder, or bipolar. So, schizoaffective disorder is a combination of some schizophrenic symptoms and some bipolar symptoms). A.D.D. is a condition, which (in part) prevents the brain from being able to screen out stimuli that most people can relegate to the background.

So, while I am also hearing and listening to you talking to me, I can also hear at the same time: birds chirping outside, the kids screaming in their yard as they play, the traffic noise, the humming of the refrigerator and other appliances, the lawn mower going in the distance, etc. and I can't screen it out to focus simply on the conversation. All of this noise at once raises the stress in my mind and makes me impatient with the inability to focus on just one sound, which often makes me angry. In addition, I am hyper-aware of what is going on in the world and I get so angry because I just see humanity (and especially here in America) doing everything it can to destroy itself, its environment, its economy, its political system of democracy, its compassion for those who need assistance, its decency toward others in public places, its health care system, its acceptance of minorities and those of different sexual orientation, and on and on.

It makes me wonder what's the point of doing anything?!! Why participate in society and voting when it doesn't seem to make a difference or matter. What is the difference between letting karma do it's thing and predestination because some Buddhists seem to just shrug their shoulders in the face of struggles as if to say, "Eh, it's just karma doing its thing--what's the point?" And, yes, I know that suffering is inevitable and everywhere. I know that the world is not the place to look for stability. However, it seems that in response, many Buddhists take the default position to disconnect from society and disregard politics.

Yet, I struggle with this solution because it seems rather fatalistic, nihilistic and a form of avoidance. It seems to me that we owe it to ourselves to try and do our best to make it a better world--even if it can never be perfect. Aren't we making things worse if we just disconnect from society? Don't we have a duty to try our best to help build a better society? What if everyone just disregarded politics and civic responsibilities? Isn't it a bit selfish in a way? If no one tried to maintain some sort level of a stable world then it seems to me that some dictator would just take advantage of that and wipe out whole sections of the globe. Isn't that basically just letting suffering multiply? It's one thing to realize that suffering on some level is inevitable. However, to just disconnect seems to ironically cause more suffering from less and less good-hearted people participating to crafting how a country's general society behaves.

I'm certainly not giving up on Buddhism by any stretch but I'm discouraged today and it has been building. I guess my discouragement is with a lot of things but my Buddhist practice has me a bit frustrated, dispirited and depressed. I know it's not Buddhism that is the problem, and I know that I have a lot of work to do but please don't just post simplistic comments saying things like, "All you have to do is 'A' or 'B.'" Or, "You're problem is 'X.'"Everyone is full of advise but it's all easier said than done.

I'm not necessarily looking for answers, or advice--just some sympathy and assurance that I'm not the only one with these discouragements. I mean, intuitively I know that I'm not the only one but the things I hear sometimes from my fellow Buddhists makes me feel like I missed out on some meeting where everyone gained enlightenment. I'm not any kind of expert and I've got plenty of rust around the edges but I am always skeptical of people who seem to think they have it all figured out and that they're going to set everyone straight on how to be like them.

A Great Discription of Meditation.

Meditation, simply defined, is a way of being aware. It is the happy marriage of doing and being. It lifts the fog of our ordinary lives to reveal what is hidden; it loosens the knot of self-centeredness and opens the heart; it moves us beyond mere concepts to allow for a direct experience of reality. Meditation embodies the way of awakening: both the path and its fruition. From one point of view, it is the means to awakening; from another, it is awakening itself.

- Lama Surya Das, "The Heart-Essence of Buddhist Meditation" (Winter 2007)

James: This is one of the best and most complete yet concise descriptions of meditation that I have come across in my years of practicing Buddhism. The following analysis is one aspect to how I've come to understand meditation. I don't claim it to be the ultimate analysis, explanation or "answer."

I am not an ordained teacher, so please, don't just believe what I write here as truth--contemplate upon it for yourself and if you find it helps you in your life's quest then great. It not, then I hope you at least enjoyed the Lama Surya Das quote. Meditation isn't about relaxation despite it bringing that about at times while sitting. It isn't about some metaphysical experience though such experiences are possible. Those are both interesting things but are still distractions along the path from the true goal of awakening to the ultimate reality that we are not ourselves because we are bigger than ourselves.

We are not ourselves because we are interconnected with all things and are more than just the summation of our personal experiences. Buddhism does not require destroying all of the things that make up your personality--that is a partial truth. The full truth is that you are more than just, "you" and that realization allows us to let go of defending what we perceive to be "us" because that interconnected nature surpasses it. The "self" no longer seems like something to protect and hang onto but rather as a limiting box of suffering that isolates us from each other and the interdependent wonder of an awakened view of the world.

~Peace to all beings~

Buddhism: A Path for Everyone.

Buddha said that different beings have different capacities for understanding, different ways of thinking, different personalities and mentalities and cultural attitudes; and that teachings should be in accordance with this. The essence of Buddhism is lovingkindness and compassion and understanding emptiness. And all these different approaches are just many ways of allowing these real, innate qualities to manifest.

When we teach, any example that is understood by the teacher and the student can be used. Also, sometimes with people in the West, when they try meditation, they try too hard. They become very tight, their bodies become tense. Everything becomes blocked and difficult. Then they need to learn to relax and to rest the mind - with awareness but not so much tightness.

-Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, "Trust through Reason" (Summer 2007)

James: This quote is courtesy of Philip Ryan at Tricycle Magazine.

~Peace to all beings~

The Dhamma Brothers.

This Sunday, May 9th on the American T.V. Channel PBS there will be a documentary on inmates at a maximum security prison who are studying Buddhist meditation.

It is titled, "The Dhamma Brothers." Check your local listings for times. In the Mountain Time Zone (U.S.) where I live it will air from 1:00a.m. to 2:00a.m.

I believe it's a re-airing of the original program but still might be of interest to you. I haven't seen it yet, so I'm looking forward to it.

~Peace to all beings~

Spring Rain Meditation and Haiku.

crackling night sky

illuminating soaked leaves
man silently sits

-By James R. Ure

James: The clouds have been crashing up against each other since last night. Swollen with water they are showering a budding expanse of green. The entrancing sound of the methodical rain quiets the noise of the bustling city and centers the mind upon the present moment. It is a beautiful call to slow down, breath deeply, open awareness and absorb the moment. Opening the window to hear the rush of water falling from the heavens is the original call to meditation. It is nature's Dharma bell gently bringing our attention in line with the rhythm of nature, which is nothing short of Buddha Nature. Meditating while it rains is a very special experience, which relaxes tense muscles and frayed nerves. It is a soothing balm to the heated mind of suffering.

So, I stepped out onto the drenched patio to silently watch the rainfall and focused my attention on one tiny area of the porch edge where water was dripping from the roof. As I took in the surroundings with my senses the rich, relaxing smell of damp Earth filled my lungs and eased my tense body. As my attention grew I noticed that in the middle of the constant rushing of water cascading off my roof there was one spot that dripped off rhythm from the other spots. So, I timed it and discovered to my joy it splattered every five seconds. A smile exploded across my face as I meditated for a few moments on the order of all things. It made me feel small in a good way--It reminded me that I'm apart of a bigger plan unfolding exactly as it should whether I'm aware of it or not.

~Peace to all beings~

Be not Afraid of Growing Slowly.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

-Chinese Proverb

James: This quote really resonated in my heart today because I often feel like my practice isn't where it should be, but how could it be anywhere except where it is? I must keep reminding myself (gently, of course) that there is no moment but this moment and that you can't get "there" without being here first. I use, "there" in quotations because in this case, "there" refers to realizing enlightenment and liberation from suffering--not an actual destination someplace in the ethereal future as we know that the future is but a hologram.

It can be easy to be discouraged and think, "I'm not meditating enough" or long-enough but even Buddha got discouraged. He studied with several mystics before his enlightenment but was eventually discouraged by their teachings, which he felt unsatisfied with. In addition, he pursued extreme aestheticism only to be discouraged by it. During his meditation under the Bodhi tree, before his enlightenment, he was tempted by desires to abandon his practice. He could have easily given up after all of these events but he pressed on not knowing what would come next until he shattered the hold of the ego and realized enlightenment.

Something else to consider is that our sense of progress is too often seen through the eyes of the mind, which demands immediate, Earth-shattering and over-whelming results. So it can be hard sometimes to see our progress; especially since progress seems to unfold in increments. Yet even the lotus seed has to burst up through seemingly unending layers of mud and inches of murky, shifting water to eventually reach the top of the water to bloom in the sun. Our journey is similar. It seems like an impossible journey yet it has to be such for if the lotus grew instantly to the surface the stem wouldn't be strong enough to hold the enlightened flower.

So, we too must build a strong base or foundation for our practice. Thus, we don't need to worry so much about how "fast" we're growing in our practice. We can only grow as fast as our karma will allow. There is a lesson in everything and just because someone might seem "advanced" on the path doesn't mean they aren't having difficulties on their way to the sun too!! The goal isn't to keep up with some Zen master or those around you whom you consider stronger meditators but rather that we keep growing--period. I realized that wanting to be further along in my practice is giving into the desire for being better than others. It's hard to accept it but that's at the root because why would we be unhappy with our practice if we weren't trying to, not only keep up with others, but outdo them? As if it's a race to see who realizes enlightenment first. No, it's better for me to stay happy with where I am because like it or not, that is the only true reality. The rest is destructive delusion.

~Peace to all beings~

The Zen of Pain.

I have from time to time heard of monks who can meditate in the freezing cold and maintain a warm body temperature, and those who have a high threshold for pain. Well, it seems that science has proven that meditation helps reduce pain.

AFP, March 3, 2010

Montreal, Canada -- ZEN meditation helps lower sensitivity to pain by thickening a part of the brain that regulates emotion and painful sensations, according to a study published recently. University of Montreal researchers compared the grey matter thickness of 17 Zen meditators and 18 non-meditators and found evidence that practising the centuries-old discipline can reinforce a central part of the brain called the anterior cingulate. "Through training, Zen meditators appear to thicken certain areas of their cortex and this appears to underlie their lower sensitivity to pain," lead author Joshua Grant said in a statement.

Building on an earlier study, the researchers measured thermal pain sensitivity by applying a heated plate to the calf of participants. This was followed by scanning the brains of subjects with structural magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). The MRI results showed central brain regions that regulate emotion and pain were significantly thicker in meditators compared to non-meditators.

James: This isn't news to Buddhism because reports of over-coming pain have been known in Buddhist history for centuries. It is interesting though to see science proving it. It makes sense though that meditation, which regulates the mind would help reduce pain. There is clearly a connection between the mind and body, so it isn't any wonder that Buddhists teach that oneness of body and mind through meditation and mindfulness opens the way for a calmer state of being. This is proving that through meditation one can literally rewire the brain, which surely has something to do with realizing long-term enlightenment.

I have noticed actually a higher pain threshold since beginning my Buddhist practice. I blew it off at first as being pseudo-science experiences but this makes me rethink that position. When I get tattoos I can sit through the pain to where at times it actually feels good!! I think that's in part because I meditate while getting the tattoo. The first few tattoos that I got where quite painful and ironically enough that was a time before I was practicing Buddhist meditation.

This also makes me think of the pain experienced from doing sitting meditation when first starting out or when returning to a dormant practice. Because the more you practice, the less painful it seems to get:

"The often painful posture associated with Zen meditation may lead to thicker cortex and lower pain sensitivity," Grant opined. Several of the meditators tolerated a maximum 53°C produced by a heating plate. They appeared to further reduce their pain partly through slower breathing: 12 breaths per minute versus an average of 15 breaths for non-meditators. "Slower breathing certainly coincided with reduced pain and may influence pain by keeping the body in a relaxed state," Grant said in the earlier study. Ultimately, Zen meditators experience an 18% reduction in pain sensitivity, according to the original study.

James: If everything is interdependent and interconnected then clearly it makes sense that the body can be tempered by the mind when its steered in the right direction. The mind in my opinion isn't entirely useless or bad as some Buddhists might believe. I see it as a wild horse that if tamed, it can accomplish some amazing things. After all, if we shut off the mind completely then we'd be piles of mush unable to be moved to practice compassion, loving-kindness and good will.

ADDENDUM: The blog just surpassed the 400,000 mark of visits--Thanks to everyone for all your visits, comments and conservations. Let's keep it going!! Bowing...

~Peace to all beings~

"Persist" by Peter Clothier is an Inspiration to Creative People Everywhere.

Peter Clothier is a long time expert in art, a fellow dharma practitioner and fellow blogger. You can find his blog over at, "The Buddha Diaries." He has written a great, easy to read book titled, Persist: In Praise of the Creative Spirit in a World Gone Mad with Commerce. As both a Buddhist and an artist I was pleased to read aspects of Buddhism within his advice on how to be a creative person/artist in this modern world of commerce.

I especially liked how the author compassionately stated that just because your art doesn't sell, doesn't mean you're not a good artist. That is a very brief summation of a lot of the book so I encourage you to read it cover to cover for yourself but for a struggling painter like myself who doesn't make consistent money from my art--it's nice to hear. Especially coming from someone who has been in, "the biz" for as long as Peter.

I use to think that if my art didn't make me a millionaire that I wasn't a true and talented artist. Peter helped me rediscover doing art simply because it's my passion and brings me joy. I guess you could say he teaches to, "Paint canvas and carry turpentine" as in the Zen saying, "Chop wood, carry water" to remind us all to be present in the moment and to focus solely on whatever activity that moment finds ourselves engaged in. I also really appreciated his advice on meditating before doing your art to clear your mind of doubts about your talent and that critical voice that says, "You're not doing it right." It is clear how the meditation can clear your mind for the creative ideas to flow freely in the moment. This is a great book for anyone interested in being a creative person in a modern world that has boiled art down to mere commodity.

~Peace to all beings~

Science, the Brain and Meditation.

One of the subjects that interest me most is the intersection of science and Buddhism as I highly value both. So, it is always enlightening and exciting to see where they meet and compliment each other. I have posted several articles showing the effects of mediation on the brain but this one triggered a fresh perspective to the subject--That being the interactions between the left and right hemispheres of the brain:

Enlightenment has been described in many ways, but what is common to most descriptions of enlightenment is a change in the sense of ‘self,’ and a sensation of a release from suffering. An enlightened person is said to no longer identify with herself as the individual she once was. She is also said to no longer experience negative thoughts.

Our feeling part of our Self is located in the limbic system, in this case the amygdala. In most people, the left side feels pleasure or positive emotions, and the right side experiences negative emotions. In each case, the right (positive) and left (negative) components are synaptically ‘wired’ to each other. Thoughts and emotions are communicated back and forth between both sides of the the brain along the synapses. Now here is where meditation impacts these processes. Most meditative practices involve techniques to de-emphasize, defuse or reduce negative thoughts. Over the long term, what this means in the brain is that the transmission of electrical impulses into both the right side (negative) of both the amygdala and hippocampus is reduced. Fewer negative feelings and thoughts, less activity along those pathways.

Published studies support the idea that long term meditation works by ‘starving’ the brain of negative emotions and expectations. So meditation not only trains us not to respond as intensely and frequently to negative thoughts and emotions, it also causes an ‘atrophying’ of our brain’s ability to process those thoughts and emotions. But the caveat here, is that it takes a lot of consistent practice over the long term.

James: This has probably occurred to others but the explanation of the right brain, left brain interaction has really given me new insight into why duality is such a strong aspect to the human reality. And it's pretty impressive that science can now prove that meditation can literally rewire the brain to unlock a less volatile brain and thus mind.No wonder people are said to be "transformed" and a "new person altogether" or "reborn" when they realize enlightenment. They have finally mastered their brain and trained it with meditation and mindfulness to no longer express the dualistic nature of the mind. Buddhism and science are always amazing me with how much we still have to learn but also experience. Thus, the practice.

~Peace to all beings~

Meditation is an Off-Road Adventure.

"Meditation isn’t about following directions down a mental highway: it’s an off-road adventure." -Barry Evans

(Thanks to my friend Phil over at Tricycle Magazine for the quote).

~Peace to all beings~

PHOTO CREDIT: This is a beautiful picture by Udderly Jodi on Flickr. Check out all her pictures -- they're wonderful. I love trails through the woods and watching monks tread this path reminds me of following the middle-path of Buddhism through out the wilderness of life.

The Magic of Winter.

Snow descends upon Earth from the Buddha realms cascading softly to surround the bustling humanity in tranquility. Methodically it falls, bringing with it the silence of a morning meditation at a mountain temple. Winter offers the jewel of reflection, which allows us a vivid and stark yet peaceful reminder of impermanence. The snow doesn't ask why it falls or why it melts -- It is at peace being snow, water or vapor. May peace be upon you regardless of the moment.

~Peace to all beings~