The Buddhist Blog Honored with Award Nominations.

Wow. The 2010 Blogisattva Award nominations have been announced and The Buddhist Blog has been honored. The blog was nominated in three categories: Best Engage-the-World Blog, Best Achievement in Kind and Compassionate Blogging and Best "Life" Blog. The blog also received honorable mentions in other, categories: Best Achievement Blogging Opinion Pieces or Political Issues, Best Blogging on Matters Philosophical, Psychological or Scientific and Best Blog of the Year!!

I know that some of you nominated the blog for these nominations and I am humbled by your appreciation. You, and the Blogisattva Awards committee honor the blog greatly and I will use this positive energy toward keeping the voice of the reclusive Buddhist alive. Perhaps the boring side of the blog is that I write mainly because it aids my practice but it also is a labor of love in honor of the Dharma. It is a testament of how amazingly beneficial Buddha's teachings are to humanity. I credit the Dharma in being the catalyst to helping me emerge from a very dark, angry and self-destructive life-pattern that I was on before.

It is fitting perhaps that these honors come on a day when we recognize the enlightenment of Buddha (Bodhi Day) and the priceless gift that he bestowed upon all humanity. None of us would be benefiting from the Dharma without his self-sacrifice. After his great awakening (or, enlightenment), he could have wandered off into the mountains to live out the rest of his last incarnation before merging into parinirvana. Instead he chose to share the path he realized with the world and we are his heirs.

But I digress. Buddhism has been a great help in reducing the symptoms of my psychiatric condition and that is another reason that I write. To show others that Buddhism can be of great benefit to the restless mind wrapped up in psychiatric turmoil. The Dharma has been like another medication but one without negative side effects. So, any recognition that I am honored with must be given back to Buddha and those who honored me with these nominations. I cherish my readers as friends and family. It is my hope that this new year will bring greater acceptance of online interaction in the Buddhism community at-large.

Whether the blog actually "wins" any awards is secondary to what I have gained through interacting with all of you. You have truly enriched my life and I look forward to our interactions each day. May this next year be a wonderful year for Buddhist blogging. There are a lot of great blogs out there that keep the online Buddhist community going and I am forever honored to be mentioned alongside them all. Be sure to check them out!! Thank-you, again for the humbling honor that you have shown. Here's to a new year!!

P.S. - It's hard to sound honored without coming across as cliche but I really, really mean what I wrote. Every word. Thanks again to the judges and everyone else at The Blogisattva Awards.

~Peace to all beings~

Discouraged.

***WARNING: LONG Rant ahead that's not your typical "Kittens and flowers" Buddhist post***

I'm struggling lately in my Dharma practice. I haven't meditated in months--not because I don't want to because I do, but I just can't get myself to do it. A large part of it is my mental illness that makes finding motivation extra challenging. Especially when the heavy medicating drugs I have to take to prevent mania and psychotic episodes zap me further of the will to do much of anything. It's difficult to fully convey how difficult it is to over-come.

Furthermore, I deal with a constant level of depression just beneath the surface of even my best days where I feel fairly decent. And please don't say, "Everyone gets depressed" because deep, clinical depression isn't like just having a bad day. Irregardless of that it's just an insensitive thing to say to someone who is living with clinical depression. It's chronic and biologically based on chemical imbalances in the brain.

And it's not as easy as just taking a pill because I already do, and still there is this underlying level of feeling like life isn't worth it. People think just because there are medications that they are cures--they help take the corners off the sharpest symptoms but they don't "cure" you in the sense that they don't bring you to the level of those who don't live with a severe mental illness.

Ironically, I was attracted in part to Buddhism because of it's psychological benefits, and I still believe it has immense help for those dealing with mental illness. However, Buddhism is difficult for anyone let alone for people with mental health challenges (unless you're enlightened, and how many can honestly claim that?). And it seems that the more I think I know about Buddhism the less I actually do. Everyone loves that "honeymoon phase" when you first taste the Dharma and it literally changes the way you see the world for the better but then the nitty-gritty, hard work begins and at times you stop and ask yourself, "Is this really worth it?"

It is. Buddhism can be a real bitch, and sometimes I wish I could just adhere to a religion where blind faith was about all I needed to do. However, I have felt those fleeting moments of enlightenment too profoundly to abandon the Dharma. I'm just discouraged about how poor my practice is right now, and has been for some time. An aspect of this discouragement stems from a lot of anger that I struggle with on a daily basis, which is, in part, again, rooted in the schizoaffective disorder.

I have Attention Deficit Disorder (or, A.D.D.) in conjunction with the affective side of things (affective simply means mood disorder, or bipolar. So, schizoaffective disorder is a combination of some schizophrenic symptoms and some bipolar symptoms). A.D.D. is a condition, which (in part) prevents the brain from being able to screen out stimuli that most people can relegate to the background.

So, while I am also hearing and listening to you talking to me, I can also hear at the same time: birds chirping outside, the kids screaming in their yard as they play, the traffic noise, the humming of the refrigerator and other appliances, the lawn mower going in the distance, etc. and I can't screen it out to focus simply on the conversation. All of this noise at once raises the stress in my mind and makes me impatient with the inability to focus on just one sound, which often makes me angry. In addition, I am hyper-aware of what is going on in the world and I get so angry because I just see humanity (and especially here in America) doing everything it can to destroy itself, its environment, its economy, its political system of democracy, its compassion for those who need assistance, its decency toward others in public places, its health care system, its acceptance of minorities and those of different sexual orientation, and on and on.

It makes me wonder what's the point of doing anything?!! Why participate in society and voting when it doesn't seem to make a difference or matter. What is the difference between letting karma do it's thing and predestination because some Buddhists seem to just shrug their shoulders in the face of struggles as if to say, "Eh, it's just karma doing its thing--what's the point?" And, yes, I know that suffering is inevitable and everywhere. I know that the world is not the place to look for stability. However, it seems that in response, many Buddhists take the default position to disconnect from society and disregard politics.

Yet, I struggle with this solution because it seems rather fatalistic, nihilistic and a form of avoidance. It seems to me that we owe it to ourselves to try and do our best to make it a better world--even if it can never be perfect. Aren't we making things worse if we just disconnect from society? Don't we have a duty to try our best to help build a better society? What if everyone just disregarded politics and civic responsibilities? Isn't it a bit selfish in a way? If no one tried to maintain some sort level of a stable world then it seems to me that some dictator would just take advantage of that and wipe out whole sections of the globe. Isn't that basically just letting suffering multiply? It's one thing to realize that suffering on some level is inevitable. However, to just disconnect seems to ironically cause more suffering from less and less good-hearted people participating to crafting how a country's general society behaves.

I'm certainly not giving up on Buddhism by any stretch but I'm discouraged today and it has been building. I guess my discouragement is with a lot of things but my Buddhist practice has me a bit frustrated, dispirited and depressed. I know it's not Buddhism that is the problem, and I know that I have a lot of work to do but please don't just post simplistic comments saying things like, "All you have to do is 'A' or 'B.'" Or, "You're problem is 'X.'"Everyone is full of advise but it's all easier said than done.

I'm not necessarily looking for answers, or advice--just some sympathy and assurance that I'm not the only one with these discouragements. I mean, intuitively I know that I'm not the only one but the things I hear sometimes from my fellow Buddhists makes me feel like I missed out on some meeting where everyone gained enlightenment. I'm not any kind of expert and I've got plenty of rust around the edges but I am always skeptical of people who seem to think they have it all figured out and that they're going to set everyone straight on how to be like them.

Mental Illness: Meditation or Medication? Often, Both.

This is a long post but an important one because it touches on an issue--mental illnes, which some in spiritual circles choose to ignore. As many of you know I have been living with schizoaffective disorder for most of my life and have found great refuge, relief of symptoms and calm from Buddhism and meditation in particular. Of course, we all are "mentally ill" or else we wouldn't be here in samsara but some have severe, biological mental illnesses and require a hybrid approach of therapies and practices.

I notice that the more I meditate the easier it is to deal with my condition. Yet meditation alone isn't enough in my situation because despite meditating I still am debilitated by disabling symptoms such as paranoia, hallucinations, delusions (psychiatric delusions such as being convinced that you are the most horrible person on Earth), mood swings and chronic depression.

Thus I have found medications help fill the void and basically keep me alive because my depressive episodes easily lead to suicidal thoughts. I have found an excellent psychiatrist who has found a great balance of medications to keep myself as stable as can be expected outside finding a cure to the disease. In addition I talk regularly with a psychotherapist to help me keep track of my mood swings and give me tips on how to better manage my illness through establishing routines and developing other techniques. So I was excited when I read an excellent article in the current Buddhadharma magazine that arrived in my mailbox today about this very subject:

When Buddhism first came to the West, many teachers and practitioners initially dismissed psychotherapy as superficial, unnecessary and possibly counterproductive. As time went on...psychotherapy's relationship to spiritual practice started to undergo a reevaluation, and the two disciplines began to intermingle a bit more. In fact, many therapists and meditation teachers now agree that meditation and psychotherapy can be mutually facilitating. Meditators seem to progress more quickly in theraphy, while psychotherapy can improve the effectiveness of their meditation.

James: I am one of those meditators who have progressed more quickly in therapy thanks in part to my meditation practice. In fact, when I come into therapy and am having a difficult time with my mental illness she always asks if I'm meditating and the answer is often, "no." So in a lot of ways my meditation practice is a type of medication though I still do have episodes despite meditating. When I meditate on a regular basis it takes some of the severity out of my symptoms. That said, while meditation is very effective it isn't the entire solution and I think we Buddhists must admit that meditation isn't the solution to everthing--especially when medical issues are involved. It is true that meditation has been shown to reduce blood pressure, induce relaxation and other health benefits but it can not solve severe, biological mental illness symptoms in total.

Combining meditation and psychotherapy makes sense if we appreciate how they work in complementary ways. For the most part, meditation focuses primarily on developing capacities such as concentration and awareness, whereas psyschotherpay focuses primarily on changing the objects of awareness, such as emotions and beliefs. Of course there are significant overlaps, but this complimentarity suggests why combining both approaches can be very helpful. Meditative qualities can facilitate psychotherapeutic healing of painful patterns, while the psychotherapeutic healing of these painful patterns can reduce the disruption of spiritual practice.

James: Medication has toned down the volume of distracting stimuli in my head such as the hallucinations and calmed my nerves to enable me the opportunity to actually be able to practice. Before medications I wouldn't have had the patience to meditate due to manic episodes that kept my thoughts racing too fast to have the concentration needed to sit even for a few minutes. It's like trying to do meditation effectively after drinking four pots of coffee in an hour. Either that or I'd be so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed let alone have the motivation and intention to meditate.

So the medication has lowered the volume and reduced the static in my brain to put me in a position where meditation is actually even an option and be able to not just do it but find great benefit from it. I was drowning without medication and the water was up to my mouth and nose so the medications have drained the water down to my chest level. So while it's difficult to walk through chest deep water at least I can now (for the most part) breath comfortably, which gives me the freedom to meditate and have the ability to make progress upon the path that otherwise would be basically impossible. When it comes to using medication in combination with a Buddhist practice there are basically too camps according to the author of this article. First, the purists and second the pragmatists (I fall into pragmatist category):

Spiritual purists argue that if mental suffering is fundamentally spiritual and karmic, spiritual practice alone is appropriate to treat it. Moreover they are concerned that medication may dull or derail spiritual practice. They also worry that medications may reduce or distort awareness, and thereby make practice more difficult. In this view, medications can be novel forms of the "mind clouding intoxicants" prohibited by the lay precepts to which many Buddhists practitioners adhere. Therefore, taking these modern pharmacological agents is tantamount to violating this precept.

James: Let me say that I have found personally (and I've read that this is the case for many others) that my medications do the opposite of "dull or derail spiritual practice," "reduce or distort awarness." Without them I was so depressed, mislead by hallucinations (voices) and detached by dissociation that I was a nihilist believing in nothing and wanting the world to explode to end everyone's misery. At least that's what I thought at the time in my deluded mind.

It wasn't until I started to lower the static in my head through medications that I saw the benefits of spirituality and sought out Buddhism. Before then my mind was clogged and preoccupied with constant mental torment and anguish. It simply didn't have the stability at the time for a spiritual practice. Thus is was before medications that I had a dulled spiritual practice--not after. The medications increased my awareness of reality rather than dull it as they helped sharpen my concentration, focus and attention (I have Attention Deficit Disorder as well) to enable me to actually have a chance at understanding concepts like mindfulness. I know for certain that I'd be spiritual lost still without the addition of medication to give me a somewhat stable mind to build a spiritual foundation upon.

By contrast, pragmatists hold that spiritual practice alone is simply insufficient, or at least not optimal, for healing all mental suffering. While not denying the validity of some purist concerns, pragmatists argue that certain problems and pathologies respond best to other therapies, and one of those therapies can be medication.

James: Buddhism can indeed be more than enough for the regular depression and anxiety that occur with living in samsara. However, those diagnosed with a severe biological mental illness that involves chemical imbalances within the brain need the additional help that comes with proper medication and therapeutic monitoring. It can be very dangerous and irresponsible to prevent someone with severe deperssion from seeking psychiatric help because suicide is a very real threat and should never, EVER be ignored or blown off.

People with a severe mental illness who do not seek medication are usually playing with a loaded gun that could very easily go off in the form of suicide. Some people can get by with herbal supplements and vitamins but most people with severe mental troubles need stronger medicine. I tried the "natural route" and it didn't even cut the symptoms much at all.

The author who is a professor of psychiatry (and a Buddhist) did a study with Buddhist practitioners with suffer from mental illness: Our team of researchers, all physicians and long-term meditators, investigated a group of nineteen Buddhist practioneers (thirteen women and six men) diagnosed with major depression. These practioneers had all been doing meditation, mainly vipassana, for at least three years, had participated in two or more weeklong retreats, and had used antidepressants in the last two years.

Most of our subjects reported that antidepressants helped them with multiple emotional, motivational, and cognitive functions. Emotional changes were consistent with an antidepressant effect. The painful emotions of anger and sadness decreased significantly, but fear showed a smaller response. The positive emotions of happiness, joy, love, and compassion all increased, as did self-esteem. Subjects also felt calmer and that their awareness was clearer. One would expect this kind of result, given that the subjects were no longer wrestling with intense, painful emotions.

Clearly the large majority of these meditators felt that they, and their spiritual practitice, benefited significantly from taking antidepressants. Several subjects reported that the antidepressants enabled them to recommence or significantly improve their meditation and spiritual practice.

James: So while there still is no cure for schizoaffective disorder and while I still suffer from hallucinations, paranoia, bipolar, etc., the medications have given me my life back to where I can pursue things like spritituality. It has allowed me sharpen my awareness of reality and this life whereas before I was living in a kind of fog and everything was out of focus. So I can attest to the benefits of psychotherapy and medications. Thus, when added with meditation and other Buddhist practices it forms a powerful combination that has helped me greatly.

It's time that we realize that interdepenence includes science helping spirituality and spirituality helping science. The two working together can accomplish great things and don't necessarily have to be at odds. Sure there are some tensions between the two groups but there are areas where they fit perfectly and accent each other to benefit a great many people.

~Peace to all beings~

Religion and Mental Health.

This has the potential to be a controversial post but if you've been reading me long then you know that I don't shy away from such posts. However, I don't mean to offend anyone with this post. Overall I'm just really curious about the subject. I'm not saying anything below is true or false because I don't know but I do find the subject fascinating.

I don't mean to belittle any particular religion. I'm just wondering about things. Probably thinking too much as I tend to do. So please forgive me in advance if I offend.

From time to time I contemplate the cross-roads between religion and mental health, two of my favorite subjects. As many of you know I live with a mental condition called Schizo-Affective disorder which is a combination of Bipolar type 1 and some symptoms of Schizophrenia. One of the things that is common amongst many mentally ill is a strong religious/spiritual connection yet often we are misunderstood (by some religions) as having "demons" possessing our minds.

This is a touchy subject but I've been wondering if some of the great spiritual leaders in history had mental health conditions/challenges. For example, was Jesus mentally ill? I don't mean to single him out but he is the one I'm most familiar with given I was raised Christian and spent 22 years as a Christian. I'm not saying that Jesus was indeed mentally ill but there are some intriguing connections. He saw visions, claimed to be able to talk with an invisible god and claimed to be the son of that god. In addition to believing that he had supernatural powers (we don't know if he did or did not have these gifts).

There was no understanding of mental illness in those days and therefore I can see why people would think that someone who claims to see visions and to be able talk to god would seem other-worldly, special and mystical since not all of the people showed those inclinations. And it makes sense that they would see those who were completely insane to be "possessed" for a lack of any other explanation for their behavior.

This all being said, even if Jesus and others had mental conditions doesn't mean that they were any less inspirational, amazing or transcendental. And having struggles with mental health doesn't preclude one from having a deep spiritual connection and as long as that spiritual connection is beneficial and not disruptive to one's sanity and safety then I think it's a gift. In fact some of the most spiritual people are those with mental health struggles because they are often more able to transcend the logical mind that holds us all hostage to some degree. Shamans for example are spiritual leaders of nature based religions who are initiated and receive special insights after surviving a personal psychological crisis.

As for the Buddha he seemed to be part psychologist as the religion that evolved from his teachings is one that is very beneficial to those suffering from mental conditions. It seems to be the religion that most addresses the mind and its formations. I guess that is why it is often called the "religion of psychology." However, the Buddha himself had some supernatural experiences that could be argued to have been hallucinations--who knows. Yet even if they were hallucinations it doesn't necessarily take away from their meaning and power.

This all being said, most religions have the potential to help those with mental struggles but there are some damaging teachings in certain religions that are still evident such as demonic possession. As well as teachings that people with mental illnesses have them because they are being punished for some perceived wrong doing. Or that it is a sign that they have a weak mind which is total ignorance because myself and many other mentally ill folks that I know have contemplated deep issues that many living on the surface haven't even considered let alone come to terms with such as death.

Anyway, just something I've been thinking about.

~Peace to all beings~

The Media and Suffering.

Have you heard about this terrible shooting in a Wendy's fast food restaurant here in the USA a few days ago? My heart always breaks and mourns when I hear about these things as there is so much suffering involved.

Obviously their is the suffering of the victims who did nothing but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That being said, it is clear that the shooter must have been severely suffering mentally to feel pushed to do something so terrible as this.

Once again the media just focuses on the horror of the event rather than putting the spotlight on mental illness and what we can do to increase help and support for the mentally ill so that we can reduce this kind of thing that has become all to common. We never seem to use these nightmares to increase research into new and improved medicines and double our efforts to raise more awareness and educate the public on the truths and the misconceptions behind mental health problems. We need to find the positive in these events. We need to look at them as learning opportunities rather than just a salacious news story.

Today the media got their hands upon the 911 tapes of this terrible event and as usual are playing them over and over. I am always baffled why they do this because what good does this do but rub salt in the wounds of the families suffering? It isn't good to dwell on the panic and fear of those moments. It does nothing but amplify the disturbing nature of this shooting and broadens the suffering to the general public. Why would anyone want to listen to those traumatic moments?

I remember the people after 9/11 who wanted the tapes of the disaster released to the public and was greatly saddened when they did so. I think those are private materials that should be only accessible to the families of the victims. There is something really bothersome about listening to someone's last terrifying moments of their life. It seems intrusive and just waters the seeds of fear, delusion and anger. It only serves to fuel the suffering in this world. The other reason that we shouldn't air these tapes is because there are people who are on the edge of violence themselves and playing these tapes stirs up their urges to do something similar.

The other event that I remember is the Columbine massacre that occurred in my state of Colorado, USA when they released the video tapes of the killers roaming the hallways with their guns and you could see the crazy look in their eyes. It was a disturbing event in an of itself and airing those tapes was irresponsible in the least.

There is enough suffering in this world, we don't need to fuel that strong habit energy further.

I just firmly believe that somethings shouldn't be splayed out in front of the general public.

~Peace to all beings~

We all Contribute to the Beauty and Prosperity of the World.

The creatures that inhabit this earth--be they human beings or animals--are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world.

~His Holiness the Dalai Lama

James: Being someone who deals with chronic depression and other mental health difficulties from living with schizo-affective disorder, I sometimes wonder what I have to contribute. It is easy to feel isolated in this busy, hectic world and feel small and insignificant. This stems from a deluded society that focuses on the accolades of the individual. Thus since not everyone can be millionaires and Nobel Peace Prize winners, it is easy to feel that we are worthless, bland and unworthy of respect, admiration and value. This is an illusion a very convincing illusion but a false reality none the less. A dangerously deceptive mirage.

If we focus on the bigger picture we can see that just like pixels on a big screen television which on there own seem tiny and insignificant but when seen as a whole create a profound, beautiful and vibrant reality. So too our seemingly small and limited life when seen as apart of a bigger essence is suddenly seen as critical to this grand project we call existence. Nothing and no one is out of place in this intricate tapestry. The circle of life is broken and degrades quickly when just one thing is taken away. This in Indras net that allows for each jewel to add their brightness to the group so that the overall light will shine brighter and stronger.

Try as we might, we can not separate ourselves from the tapestry that we are interwoven through. Each one of us is an important part of a large, complex and important machine. Some of us are small screws or nails and some of us are larger components but can we say that a washing machine is a washing machine without one of its parts whether big or minute? Of course not.

Here's another example, an automobile. Can an automobile work and help make life easier without the tiny spark plug? No. So if even the littlest plant adds beauty and life to the world through turning poisonous carbon dioxide into fresh, life giving and life sustaining oxygen then without a doubt each one of us makes this time and place better, happier and brighter.

We may never know how many lives we touch and have touched. The slightest talk with a total stranger could change their life completely and inspire them to shine brighter than they might not otherwise not be able to accomplish. I think about many people in the history of my life who have done such things for me without asking anything in return and usually not knowing how deeply they impacted me to be a better, happier, kinder, more compassionate and confident person.

When I get depressed I sometimes feel that my life has been a complete waste because I am disabled and have to stay at home because of my condition. I have too many times longed for what could have been, a professorship to teach history. However, that was not meant to be and just because things don't turn out the way we want does not mean that our life is ruined and worthless. Yes I haven't achieved many of my dreams but I have still made a big impact on many lives and society in general. Through this blog I have touched many and helped people feel a greater importance in their lives. Who knows but if this is my true calling and without having this disabling illness I wouldn't have the time necessary to devote myself to this blog and my readers.

I think about the squirrels and birds that I feed at our house and how important I have become to their lives. They rely on the seeds that I leave out for them during the brutally cold winter. Think about your pets if you have any, they rely on you for so many things and they give so much back to you in return. They wouldn't even be alive without you. Do you think that they don't have any value because they do not do any of the things that society deems "important" and "valuable?" Or because they don't talk and make money? Absolutely not. They give us unconditional love in return and that is worth more than gold. They teach us how to be sincere and full of love not only for others but also for ourselves and self love and appreciation is so important to our well being.

In addition I think of my wife who was very timid before meeting me and I helped her gain confidence in herself and now like the lotus, she has broken through the mud of self doubt to bloom into a strong and successful person. And perhaps if she had not met me she wouldn't have achieved all that she has. Just by being born and entering this world my mother has told me that I have changed her life for the better. It is o.k. to be proud of yourself sometimes because it helps you remember your Buddha Nature, your true importance to the big picture.

We just don't know what impact we have on others. So don't give up, you are adding value to this world and many lives whether you realize it or not.

~Peace to all beings~