Suicides Account for Majority of U.S. Military Deaths; Surpassing Battlefield Deaths.

For the second consecutive year, the U.S. military has lost more troops to suicide, than it has to combat in Afghanistan and Iraq. That doesn't even include all the reservists. End the wars and improve mental health for our soldiers AND civilians. For too long, mental health has been the "dirty lil' secret" in America--it's time to speak out and be brave.

It's really easy to slap a yellow ribbon magnet onto your gas guzzling Hummer and lull yourself into a delusion that you're supporting the troops. Of course, everyone supports the soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, but how about when they come home? All too often they fade from our memories and they are left to disappear into the shadows of loneliness, isolation and mental anguish. Our soldiers did their fighting abroad, and now that they are at home, it is up to us, the civilians they fought for, to stand up and fight for them. It is up to us, to support them, and to gain the top-notch, mental health care that they have earned and deserve.

I refuse to stand by and let our tormented veterans be ignored and shunned because of the battle wounds that have scarred their minds. I hate war and dislike that they have to go through war in the first place, but I love those soldiers more. We need to put our money where our mouth is on this issue--literally. Is it so hard to give of our wealth, so that these heroes will be given every bit of assistance they need, earned in blood and deserve? Or, is our support for them limited to those yellow magnets on our cars that are literally, "the least we can do" for them?

~Peace to all Beings~

Stand up to Mistreatment of Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and the Transgendered.

James: I am so proud of of this young man for having the courage to face so many powerful adults at this meeting and standing up for his convictions. It's takes a lot of bravery, and I applaud him for it but it is a sad day when kids have to make this argument because enough adults still don't get it. I refuse to stand-by and watch our young people and fellow adults be discriminated against and bullied until those victims take their own life. No more violence, no more hate. We must stand up to these bullies and tell them that we will no longer tolerate our kids being harassed until they think the last option for them is suicide. This is unacceptable.

Regardless of what you think of homosexuality, it is utterly unconscionable for Buddhists to treat gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people as though they are less than human or vile human beings undeserving of compassion. We are called upon to have compassion for all sentient beings.

Even if you believe homosexuality to be a violation of Buddhists precepts (which I don't) it doesn't give you the right to mistreat those people. Buddha had compassion for all beings regardless of their actions. As for those who find homosexuals to be bad people and perhaps unworthy of fair treatment; Buddha had compassion for all kinds of people. Even murderers, and since homosexuals are far from being in the same category as murderers, then surely respecting the life and well-being of homosexuals shouldn't be up for debate in Buddhist circles.

If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender and need someone to talk to who will listen and not judge, then I am here: jaymur-at-gmail-dot-com. There are many people who love you and want to see the best for you. If you are thinking about suicide, please reach out to someone you trust--now. You are strong than you think. I have faced many moments of depression and suicide and know what it's like to want to end your life. Please stay with us, don't give up!! There is a light at the end of every dark tunnel. You are loved--always.

~Peace too all beings~

A Letter to Homosexual Teens and Others: You are Loved and Important.

(click image above to enlarge)

Recently a wave of homophobia has gripped the nation with the news of several gay teens and college students committing suicide over bullying they received for being honest about who they are. Then, a few days ago in New York, a gang savagely beat, terrorized and tortured 3 men that they perceived to be homosexual. So, today I want to address homosexual adults and teens who feel vulnerable and afraid to be who they are:

To all the young people out there who are gay or who think they might be gay, bisexual, lesbian or trans-sexual--you are not alone. Your are not weird. You are not perverts. You are not a bad person and you certainly are not evil. There are many adults and fellow teens who are ready to welcome you into society and into our lives. You are NOT less than human and you do NOT deserve to be treated like you are less than human. It does get easier but killing yourself will not make anything better. Admittedly, high school is always hard but please know that if you are thinking about taking your life--please talk to someone.

Send me an email because I know a thing or two about suicidal thinking and being misunderstood as I have a mental illness where I have been labeled as "crazy" "weird and "different." I have had suicidal thoughts and yet I have come back from the brink every time--why? Because I know that there are people out there who love and accept me--even if I don't know them (just knowing they are out there helps so much). Don't hurt yourself--you are beautiful just the way you are. People love you deeply and care about your happiness so much. We want the best for you and to grow up happy, healthy and strong. We are working hard to make the world safer for you--don't give up because we won't give up one you!! You are a valuable person and have so much to offer the world. We all look forward to seeing how your wonderful gifts will benefit society. We love you; and don't be afraid to reach out to those who are worthy of your trust.

Talk to a teacher or a principle of your school and tell them what you are going through. They are there to protect all kids from mistreatment. Be brave because it's better to stand up for yourself then let the hateful people win. Killing yourself will only let them win. Prove to them how awesome a person you are by speaking out, and in doing so, become a hero to someone else. Imagine what your bravery would do for other teens feeling a similar way; and imagine what that bravery would do for your self-esteem. If you feel alone--I hope it helps to know that there are many adults and others who are holding your hand. Never forget that. Never. One final note--please consider this blog as a safe zone. I will not let any person commenting here to hurt you. It will be deleted before it even makes it to the comment page. Above all else--don't forget to love yourself for being just the way you are. You're just as normal as anyone else and don't let anyone tell your otherwise.

~Peace to all beings~

The Worms Crawl in and the Worms Crawl Out.

When I was a young boy I spent some years in the Boy Scouts, which is a survivalist organization that trains young men on how to live in the wilderness. As well as teach them other life skills. When the leaders weren't around we kids would sing songs that, naturally, were deemed by our elders as, "gross." You know how kids are. The one that comes to mind today is something called, "The Hearse Song" which is about death and stems from the 19th century when it was documented among British soldiers serving in the Crimean War. Here are the full lyrics as I learned them:

If you ever laugh as the hearse goes by
You may be the next to die.

They wrap you up
in a bloody sheet
and drop you six feet
underneath.

The Worms Crawl In,
The Worms Crawl Out,
Into your stomach,
And out your mouth.

They eat your eyes, they eat your nose.
They eat the jelly between your toes.
A big green worm with rolling eyes
crawls in your stomach and out your eyes.

This is how
It is to die
You end up looking
Like apple pie!

James: This "gory" topic was brought to mind from a post by the no non-sense Buddhist blogger Genkaku. In this post he was speaking about his experience attending funeral homes here in America. This got me thinking about death, which is something that I came to terms with years ago. Studying Zen Buddhism and having had to struggle with suicidal thoughts from a mental illness forces you to face death whether you like it or not. So, anyway, part of Genkaku's post is about how quickly some recoil and run away from anything related to death. Or how we're not supposed to laugh about death, as if doing so shows a sign of disrespect to the dead. Or by laughing we're cursed to die next. I find all that superstitious mumbo-jumbo to be funny in and of itself!! Cursed to be the next to die? If you wanna use those words and look at it in that manner then we're all "cursed."

That's the way Buddhism sees it too--not as a curse but definitely as a fact of life to come to terms with sooner than later. That's because we're all dying from the minute after we take our first breath as a fresh and snappy-skinned baby. Buddhism teaches us that death is nothing to be feared because it is just another change in the many changes leading up to it. As another online writer says it, "It is the temporary end of a temporary problem." Now, some think that contemplating upon death is depressing, leads to despair and suicidal thinking.

Actually, in my own experience, (and from that of others who have embraced death and come to terms with its reality) it opens one up to live with less suffering. When you realize that death could come at any minute then you truly understand how precious each present moment really and truly is. This has allowed me to savor and enjoy life on a much deeper and profound level. This blunt assessment of death and suffering isn't nihilism but a pragmatic acceptance of life as it is, and not how we want it to be.

As for the specifics of death, I personally find the way we deal with death in Western culture to be a bit silly. We buy dressy, expensive clothes to wrap our dead shell in, which are quickly going to rot away. Then we buy a really expensive, fancy, box that we're only going to use once. We fill it with our finely dressed, bag of bones, which we promptly bury in our bejeweled box under six feet of dirt. And we do this in a fancy park that could be used to house homeless instead of rotting bags of flesh. As if all that isn't enough to stroke our egos we top it all off with an intricately etched headstone proudly stating our name. Or, rather the name of the body.

According to Buddhist standards our name, and that body are long expired the minute our last breath escapes. In fact, our name is pretty much meaningless while we're living as well!! Some people are so attached to their lives that even after death they even want a fancy house (mausoleum) to surround and protect their buried box!! They don't want their "special bones" sitting next to the bones of some lowly, average citizen!!

Upon my death, I just want my body cut up and pieced out to use in helping sick, yet living bodies live longer, healthier lives via organ donation. I highly support organ donation by the way. If there is anything left I simply would like the rest of it cremated and have my ashes spread around, so that perhaps other living things can benefit from it. Or possibly the sky burial they do in Tibet if I could find a way to get away with it. Or perhaps just take my stinkin' pile of bones up into the mountains I love so much and prop me up against a tree to serve as compost for flowers and mushrooms and such. If all else fails just donate my bag of bones to science. So, sing, "The Hearse Song" and enjoy this present moment.

~Peace to all beings

Mental Illness: Meditation or Medication? Often, Both.

This is a long post but an important one because it touches on an issue--mental illnes, which some in spiritual circles choose to ignore. As many of you know I have been living with schizoaffective disorder for most of my life and have found great refuge, relief of symptoms and calm from Buddhism and meditation in particular. Of course, we all are "mentally ill" or else we wouldn't be here in samsara but some have severe, biological mental illnesses and require a hybrid approach of therapies and practices.

I notice that the more I meditate the easier it is to deal with my condition. Yet meditation alone isn't enough in my situation because despite meditating I still am debilitated by disabling symptoms such as paranoia, hallucinations, delusions (psychiatric delusions such as being convinced that you are the most horrible person on Earth), mood swings and chronic depression.

Thus I have found medications help fill the void and basically keep me alive because my depressive episodes easily lead to suicidal thoughts. I have found an excellent psychiatrist who has found a great balance of medications to keep myself as stable as can be expected outside finding a cure to the disease. In addition I talk regularly with a psychotherapist to help me keep track of my mood swings and give me tips on how to better manage my illness through establishing routines and developing other techniques. So I was excited when I read an excellent article in the current Buddhadharma magazine that arrived in my mailbox today about this very subject:

When Buddhism first came to the West, many teachers and practitioners initially dismissed psychotherapy as superficial, unnecessary and possibly counterproductive. As time went on...psychotherapy's relationship to spiritual practice started to undergo a reevaluation, and the two disciplines began to intermingle a bit more. In fact, many therapists and meditation teachers now agree that meditation and psychotherapy can be mutually facilitating. Meditators seem to progress more quickly in theraphy, while psychotherapy can improve the effectiveness of their meditation.

James: I am one of those meditators who have progressed more quickly in therapy thanks in part to my meditation practice. In fact, when I come into therapy and am having a difficult time with my mental illness she always asks if I'm meditating and the answer is often, "no." So in a lot of ways my meditation practice is a type of medication though I still do have episodes despite meditating. When I meditate on a regular basis it takes some of the severity out of my symptoms. That said, while meditation is very effective it isn't the entire solution and I think we Buddhists must admit that meditation isn't the solution to everthing--especially when medical issues are involved. It is true that meditation has been shown to reduce blood pressure, induce relaxation and other health benefits but it can not solve severe, biological mental illness symptoms in total.

Combining meditation and psychotherapy makes sense if we appreciate how they work in complementary ways. For the most part, meditation focuses primarily on developing capacities such as concentration and awareness, whereas psyschotherpay focuses primarily on changing the objects of awareness, such as emotions and beliefs. Of course there are significant overlaps, but this complimentarity suggests why combining both approaches can be very helpful. Meditative qualities can facilitate psychotherapeutic healing of painful patterns, while the psychotherapeutic healing of these painful patterns can reduce the disruption of spiritual practice.

James: Medication has toned down the volume of distracting stimuli in my head such as the hallucinations and calmed my nerves to enable me the opportunity to actually be able to practice. Before medications I wouldn't have had the patience to meditate due to manic episodes that kept my thoughts racing too fast to have the concentration needed to sit even for a few minutes. It's like trying to do meditation effectively after drinking four pots of coffee in an hour. Either that or I'd be so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed let alone have the motivation and intention to meditate.

So the medication has lowered the volume and reduced the static in my brain to put me in a position where meditation is actually even an option and be able to not just do it but find great benefit from it. I was drowning without medication and the water was up to my mouth and nose so the medications have drained the water down to my chest level. So while it's difficult to walk through chest deep water at least I can now (for the most part) breath comfortably, which gives me the freedom to meditate and have the ability to make progress upon the path that otherwise would be basically impossible. When it comes to using medication in combination with a Buddhist practice there are basically too camps according to the author of this article. First, the purists and second the pragmatists (I fall into pragmatist category):

Spiritual purists argue that if mental suffering is fundamentally spiritual and karmic, spiritual practice alone is appropriate to treat it. Moreover they are concerned that medication may dull or derail spiritual practice. They also worry that medications may reduce or distort awareness, and thereby make practice more difficult. In this view, medications can be novel forms of the "mind clouding intoxicants" prohibited by the lay precepts to which many Buddhists practitioners adhere. Therefore, taking these modern pharmacological agents is tantamount to violating this precept.

James: Let me say that I have found personally (and I've read that this is the case for many others) that my medications do the opposite of "dull or derail spiritual practice," "reduce or distort awarness." Without them I was so depressed, mislead by hallucinations (voices) and detached by dissociation that I was a nihilist believing in nothing and wanting the world to explode to end everyone's misery. At least that's what I thought at the time in my deluded mind.

It wasn't until I started to lower the static in my head through medications that I saw the benefits of spirituality and sought out Buddhism. Before then my mind was clogged and preoccupied with constant mental torment and anguish. It simply didn't have the stability at the time for a spiritual practice. Thus is was before medications that I had a dulled spiritual practice--not after. The medications increased my awareness of reality rather than dull it as they helped sharpen my concentration, focus and attention (I have Attention Deficit Disorder as well) to enable me to actually have a chance at understanding concepts like mindfulness. I know for certain that I'd be spiritual lost still without the addition of medication to give me a somewhat stable mind to build a spiritual foundation upon.

By contrast, pragmatists hold that spiritual practice alone is simply insufficient, or at least not optimal, for healing all mental suffering. While not denying the validity of some purist concerns, pragmatists argue that certain problems and pathologies respond best to other therapies, and one of those therapies can be medication.

James: Buddhism can indeed be more than enough for the regular depression and anxiety that occur with living in samsara. However, those diagnosed with a severe biological mental illness that involves chemical imbalances within the brain need the additional help that comes with proper medication and therapeutic monitoring. It can be very dangerous and irresponsible to prevent someone with severe deperssion from seeking psychiatric help because suicide is a very real threat and should never, EVER be ignored or blown off.

People with a severe mental illness who do not seek medication are usually playing with a loaded gun that could very easily go off in the form of suicide. Some people can get by with herbal supplements and vitamins but most people with severe mental troubles need stronger medicine. I tried the "natural route" and it didn't even cut the symptoms much at all.

The author who is a professor of psychiatry (and a Buddhist) did a study with Buddhist practitioners with suffer from mental illness: Our team of researchers, all physicians and long-term meditators, investigated a group of nineteen Buddhist practioneers (thirteen women and six men) diagnosed with major depression. These practioneers had all been doing meditation, mainly vipassana, for at least three years, had participated in two or more weeklong retreats, and had used antidepressants in the last two years.

Most of our subjects reported that antidepressants helped them with multiple emotional, motivational, and cognitive functions. Emotional changes were consistent with an antidepressant effect. The painful emotions of anger and sadness decreased significantly, but fear showed a smaller response. The positive emotions of happiness, joy, love, and compassion all increased, as did self-esteem. Subjects also felt calmer and that their awareness was clearer. One would expect this kind of result, given that the subjects were no longer wrestling with intense, painful emotions.

Clearly the large majority of these meditators felt that they, and their spiritual practitice, benefited significantly from taking antidepressants. Several subjects reported that the antidepressants enabled them to recommence or significantly improve their meditation and spiritual practice.

James: So while there still is no cure for schizoaffective disorder and while I still suffer from hallucinations, paranoia, bipolar, etc., the medications have given me my life back to where I can pursue things like spritituality. It has allowed me sharpen my awareness of reality and this life whereas before I was living in a kind of fog and everything was out of focus. So I can attest to the benefits of psychotherapy and medications. Thus, when added with meditation and other Buddhist practices it forms a powerful combination that has helped me greatly.

It's time that we realize that interdepenence includes science helping spirituality and spirituality helping science. The two working together can accomplish great things and don't necessarily have to be at odds. Sure there are some tensions between the two groups but there are areas where they fit perfectly and accent each other to benefit a great many people.

~Peace to all beings~