My Prediction for Celebrity Apprentice Outcome

Sorry folks, there won't be any recap tonight. Personal obligations prevent me from watching tonight's episode. Not that so many people read my weekly rehash. Still, I hate the thought of anyone dropping by for water cooler tidbits and leaving empty handed.

So, I'm setting my sights on the next best thing. Prognostication. Otherwise known as the art of predicting the future and seeing what sticks. Sort of like predicting the Oscars. I might as well take a stab at it.

In last week's episode, after Gary got the ax, the men were down to three team members: John, Lil Jon, and Meat. With almost twice that amount on the women's team, I'm surprised The Donald didn't send a few women over to the men. Okay, I watched the previews. Here's the promo from NBC:

The task was to create an ad campaign for the Trump Hotel collection. Star and John took the lead as PMs. The men decided to go with a "lap of luxury, New York's finest" campaign. The women settled on a "ladies who lunch and lounge" idea. Star called it a celebration of lifestyle: "Individual elegance. Collective luxury."

Knowing what I do about The Donald, I think he'll prefer the women's concept over the men's. That's assuming the women are able to execute Star's vision. That remains to be seen.

Judging from the promos, Nene seems to be getting into everyone's face, including Star's. In case you weren't aware, Nene and Star became bitter rivals after the show. Nene complained that Star was manipulative and controlling. Star also had some choice words about Nene. Bottom line: With tension already brewing between her and LaToya, Nene could tank the team.

In contrast, the men seem focused and determined. Heck, they're down to only three members. They'd better make each one count. I'll bet each man pulls twice his weight in execution. Without Gary, they're a well-oiled machine.

Hard to believe, but I predict victory for the men. And Nene will go down in the boardroom. Just wish I was able to see it as it unfolds.

New Cartoon Strip and Internet Radio Show Are Eating up All My Free Time

So much has happened since my last post to this blog. I really don't know where to start. I think I may start to ramble. Please pardon the disconnect.

Before I begin, let me just say how very encouraged I am by the number of visitors "The Spewker" has continued to receive in my absence. Despite the lack of updates for well over 18 months, readers from all over the world continue to visit this site and read my articles. I think it's a testament to the time and effort invested in trying to make this site part of something bigger and better. For all of your past and future patronage, I am eternally grateful.

Feel free to continue to drop by, post comments, and follow outside links. Just a side note about comments: don't post comments that advertise other sites but have no relevance to my articles. None of them will make it past moderation. I'm a stickler about staying true to the real purpose of comments and would never shill my own blog on someone else's site other than to note a true connection.

Now, getting back to me (yes, it is always about me, isn't it?) ... I have finally come to realize that The Spewker was not meant for anything greater than it has already become. My experience with Examiner was also awesome and wonderful in its own way, but that too is now in my past. The time has come to move on.

Not that any of it was a waste of time, mind you. Learning by doing is one of the greatest experiences anyone can ever have. Rather than listening to some seminar guru drone on about how to get from point A to point B, I've had the opportunity to learn first hand what worked and what didn't. In the process, I've become a viral marketing and social networking expert of sorts, and that is valuable training I could never receive from a book or by sitting in a classroom.

If you have the time and ability to live on the fly (because you'll be earning next to nothing if you decide to do this), I highly recommend the trial and error approach for those with viable talent who want to promote themselves online. Justin Bieber did it, and to some extent, so did Colbie Caillat. Now they're living the dream. As the saying goes, cream will rise to the top. It's just a matter of determining whether you have the cream before you start plugging away.

In that regard, I think I've got cream. I write, I draw, I create. I'm also fairly original, although I do keep a pulse on what resonates and what doesn't, then try to create something in the same vein yet different. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Blogging is great and I love the connections I have made online, but obviously I'm looking for more than just Google Ad revenue. I want to be an entertainer. Finally, I think I'm on to something and that's why I'm updating "The Spewker" after an 18-month-plus absence.

This will be (I hope) my last update. Celebrities and politics don't mix, and when they do, it's a recipe for utter disaster. Serious matters are not meant to be treated frivolously. If there's anything I've learned from my Spewker and Examiner experiences, it's that.

Look for me at my new blog, "Reckons of Crass Construction." It's only a month old and already it's becoming a good outlet from views and opinions I could never express at "The Spewker." I'm also using the blog as a launching pad for my latest projects, two fledgling ideas that recently coalesced into coherent and concrete material.

The first is a comic strip I've decided to call "Reality Whore" because what better name for a situation comedy where people will do anything to become rich and famous, even prostitute themselves in the process? I update the strip about once a week (give or take), but still haven't named the two main characters. Yes, I'm open for suggestions. So far the strip has received some pretty positive feedback. I hope the positive continues and that you'll help the strip reach a wider audience by sharing it with friends.

The second project is a half hour news talk comedy program on BlogTalkRadio called "Trivialization of the News." Our third episode will air this Monday, July 5, 2010 at 1:00 p.m. EST, and I would love feedback from anyone who happens to read this post or drops by our page. Co-host RafiT and I joke about interesting news headlines in a loose compilaton of odd news, Baltimore news, national news, and celebrity gossip. We also run a weekly contest where we give away a free flag T-shirt to the first person with the correct answer. Last month it was a "Who Said It?" contest. This month, I think we'll change it to movie or TV trivia. Almost anything can happen during the broadcast and generally does. Again, we've received some encouraging feedback about the show. Feel free to weigh in or call during the broadcast for a chance to win the free T-shirt.

Well, that's a wrap. I'm keeping "The Spewker" up because one never knows what may happen. I may need this platform for some other crazy idea I decide to launch. But I hope not. The greatest gift to me would be seeing all of your smiling faces over at "Reckons of Crass Construction" where I'll be blogging my little heart out, at least for the foreseeable future.

Until then, stay sharp and keep on connecting.

Meet the New Baltimore Celebrity Examiner

Honestly, I was hoping to avoid this. Don't you just hate when you visit a blog expecting to find good stuff and instead there's this final article? A final article directing you somewhere else?

Yeah, I hate that too. Which is why I've been holding off doing this. But the truth is, I shouldn't have waited so long.

It's become too difficult to write for The Spewker and my page at Examiner.com. For that reason, this blog has been temporarily suspended effective immediately. I may eventually come to regret this decision, but time constraints leave me no other choice.

Look at it this way, I'll still be doing juicy celebrity dish, original celebrity interviews, and reporting the Baltimore-Washington celebrity scene ... just not from here. At least not for now. Maybe when life becomes less hectic and there's more time I'll be back. Could happen. Don't rule it out.

In the meantime, The Spewker will continue to publish Twitter updates and new videos from time to time, but yeah, the blog has moved here.

The Baltimore Celebrity Examiner. Has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?

Start a 401K and Hope for the Best

Funny, I was thinking exactly the same thing last night while trying to balance my checkbook.

Problem was, the amount of money I have to balance wouldn't fill a kid's piggy bank. The recession is stretching its boney fingers around my neck like a creepy unrelenting death grip. Had to drink a strong cup of java just to distract myself.

Seeing kitty contemplate her windfall evoked a good giggle, reminding me once again the best things in life truly are free.

She's Got Election 2008 Coverage Eyes

Dateline nprbloggers:

Where in the world is CherylT? Live blogging the election, silly. I'll be there all day. So, click and refresh, refresh, refresh.

It's going to be a bumpy night.

Rally on the River JFXtival Sure Beats Driving

A week ago, on a gorgeous Sunday, anywhere from three to five thousand men, women, children, dogs, and miscellaneous "amphibiai" traversed a section of Baltimore rarely seen on foot. A long stretch of highway forever dumping vehicles into the city, I-83, or as we Baltimoreans like to call it, the JFX.

The Jones Falls Expressway takes its name from the winding body of water lying underneath. Some call it a stream, others call it river, but whatever its moniker, the winding stretch of flora and fauna used to be pristine. Now, it's just a muddy slick of its former self. Tomorrow it could be a contender.

And that's exactly the point of the annual "Rally on the River." Last Sunday, people came from far and wide to soak up the sun, walk, bike, run, kayak, moon bounce, hula-hoop, skate board, scooter, play chess, eat, drink, laugh, dance, you name it, they came to have a good time.

And the JFX did not disappoint.

For a mere five bucks and the cost of a rental, one could leisurely bike down the usual site of rush hour purgatory. The Jones Falls Watershed Association closes its southbound lane for a fundraiser to help clean up and protect this secluded patch of nature and give people a reason to let loose.

The Rally was a blast. Lots of fun activities, things to see and do, stuff never shown in the local paper. For some odd reason, it usually depicts the event as a walk down a lonely highway. The Rally is anything but.

This was my first time playing next to traffic (the northbound lane remains open to vehicles) and I have to admit, it was an eye opener. "Rally on the River" must be the best kept secret in town. Look for it next September.

DC Concierge Rouses A Good Chunk of Washington

It's been an incredibly long night. The relaunch party for DC Concierge brought me out of my usual cocoon. N Street's The Space looked like a remodeled garage with chandeliers and big screen TV. Reminded me of the basement parties we used to throw while parents obliviously snoozed upstairs, minus the parents of course.

So many people. The crush to the bar was excruciating! Made the small talk and exchanged cards, but really came to give my best to the DC Concierge. Now there's a gal who knows how to throw a party. Flooded the place with cameras to record all the guest for prosperity (at least that's the way it felt). I wonder if she'll post any photographs online (duh).

Rushed home to watch CNN's public service forum at Columbia University. Fell in love with Obama all over again, although McCain's answers made me feel like Democrats will win this election no matter what.

Almost...

Curse you, former Beauty Queen. A pox on your lipstick brain!

Making Time for Reality

So yah, we're back. What a great place to call home. Four hours in traffic to the heart of Manhattan. Two hours to Philly if you like Mummers and cheese. Two and a half hours speeding east to the great Atlantic. And a mere forty minutes to the nation's capital, give or take the unforeseen, like an accident or enforcement radar.

Gotta love being able to get up and go, something so many of us take for granted. We'll travel when we have the time, explore an old stomping ground when there's more time, take a vacation in due time.

It's cliche I know, but there is no time like the present. What ever happened to finding time to be alive?

Wistfully breezing about the blogosphere, I landed upon a blast from the past. Shirtless John-John courtesy of Kenneth in the (212). Now there's a blogger who isn't afraid to take chances. Talk about the edge of good taste, how long has it been since the end of that political dynasty crashed and burned? Yet, there's bold and sassy Kenneth paying tribute to the tragic son as if still perusing The Hamptons with nothing but sunshine beating down on the promise of tomorrow.

More like the promise that should have been.

I suppose I should be sad, perhaps angry about the cavalier exploitation of a young man with no choice but to live in the public eye. Pimped out like a '62 Chevy, another icon of the past. Hot beefcake for the masses, let's ogle and swoon. But strangely, instead I saw hope and promise forever etched into a steely gaze. The handsome devil-may-care curls stylishly transformed into power hairdo by the fashionistas of 5th Avenue. A gleam in the eye of a generation with nothing but time.

That's the problem with unfulfilled expectations. Even those who are truly great don't get forever to shine. Kenneth's retrospective of JFK, Jr. as shirtless hunk may be sacrilegious to some, but then, what exactly did he leave behind? An aspiring magazine and the body of an Adonis. Pretty impressive for a gym rat. Not so much for the scion of Camelot.

Strike. Strike while the striking is good. Strike like there's no tomorrow. Strike proudly and free. You know what I'm trying to say. The rest is just commentary.

What Was I Talking About, Should I Pause?

We took the day off and went to Manhattan. Give my regards to Broadway. Updates later today. Toodles.

Madonna's an Old Fart, Sheridan Bolton have No Heart, and HBO Series 'Entourage' Gets Off to a Great Start

Between last week and this week, life went horribly awry. Both the dryer and the upstairs toilet broke, leaving a small army's worth of smelly towels and rugs. Got a sunburn to die for while recuperating from a face first dive beneath the sea. Slam went the boogie board as my nose followed bloodied and bruised. Oh, and there's no justice in America. Try sitting in a courtroom all day pleading for mercy only to have the stinking judge throw the book and kitchen sink at one very misguided relative. Despite my best intentions to make this a daily, once again, it's the weekly Wrap of Crap.



Sticky and sweet may have deeper significance for popfart Madonna. Explicitly lewd love letters and photographs expressing her penchant for spanking may be part of a February exhibition entitled "Simply Madonna: Materials of the Girl." From the same slut who brought us the offensively raunchy coffee table book SEX, comes the threat of legal action if former lover Jame Albright puts her oh so private materials on display.

Oh hooray. Speaking of Madonna, we can all stop worrying about her very public feud with Sir Elton John. It's over. The Goodbye Yellow Brick Road crooner was spotted along with musician Bono enthusiastically clapping at her Sticky and Sweet performance in Nice, France.

It's deja vu all over again. Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have once again called it quits. The couple dated for five years before ending their relationship in 1997, then became engaged in March, 2006. Seems to me like a revolving door of domestic tranquility with someone balking at walking down the aisle.

Los Angeles based 220 Laboratories is suing actress Kate Hudson for revealing its secret hair care ingredient to competitor David Babaii. Hudson allegedly made a verbal agreement to promote the company's line of products before letting the cat out of the bag. A representative for Hudson denies all accusations.

By now, everyone knows about the trials and tribulations of "Valkyrie," the expected Christmas Day turkey. Twelve extras are suing Tom Cruise and his production company United Artists for $11 million, alleging negligence and personal injury. The cast members suffered broken bones, cuts, pulled ligaments and bruises when the side panel of an antique German army truck flew open. Plaintiffs' lawyer claims the truck had not been properly secured. Might explain why Cruise and former business partner Paula Wagner recently parted ways.

He knows they're out there. That's probably why The X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny entered a rehab facility for treatment of a sex addiction. Never mind whatever threats of divorce may or may not have been made by fellow actor and wife, Tea Leoni. Both parties have pleaded for privacy during this extremely painful time for their family.

Fans who attended Neil Diamond's Ohio State University concert on Monday, August 25th may request a refund from now until September 5th. The "Sweet Caroline" singer suffered acute laryngitis, making his voice sound raspy during the performance.

The Broadway production of Grease will get another infusion of American Idol lubricant. Season 5 performer Ace Young will play Kenickie from September 9th through January 18th, joining the cast just as Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks exits his role as teen angel.

Illegal downloads will land you in jail. Honestly, they're not worth it. At the very least, don't be like this poor sap. If you ever need a deterrent, look at the FBI turning the life of 27-year old Kevin Cogill upside down. The blogger, who is suspected of streaming songs from the unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, must pay a $10,000 fine and appear for a September 17th preliminary hearing to answer charges of felony copyright infringement.

Attention all tweeny boppers and the parents who lavish them with love and affection. Verizon Wireless and Samsung are running a contest with the top prize of a Bahamas vacation with The Jonas Brothers. For details, visit the official site.

The HBO hit series Entourage will team up in a big way with Virgin America. From now until the end of September, flights from New York to Las Vegas will be renamed "Entourage Air." Lucky fans on the September 4th flight will receive free swag and get to watch the premiere. The airline will also rename their first class seating "Entourage Class."

PETA "Give Peas A Chance" Slogan Rings Too Familiar

Unlikely coincidence or great minds thinking alike? I know everything published in the blogosphere is fair game, so I'll just sit back and let you be the judge.

Corey and Susie Feldman are politically minded reality TV stars. Corey, a vegetarian, is half of the famous child star duo who lived to tell about his tumultuous rise and fall in Hollywood. He and the other half of The Two Coreys, Corey Haim, were recently slapped with a $1M lawsuit for producing their reality show on another network. I mention the litigation because it may be an indication of other suspect behavior. You'll see where I'm going with this in a minute.

Recently, the actor and his wife re-enacted John Lennon and Yoko Ono's famous bed in protest against the Vietnam War to promote a vegetarian lifestyle. Their slogan: "Give Peas A Chance." Applause, applause for lending their fame to a worthwhile cause.

As most of our readers know, The Spewker maintains a presence on Twitter through our virtual reality character, Moan Quivers. Moan reports breaking celebrity news from virtual Hollywood whenever we get around to updating her bot (which is sometimes weeks, but who's keeping tabs). Moan's different image incarnations can be viewed on our Flickr stream, but in the interests of time, voila.

The original Moan

Moan Quivers on virtual Vogue

Give Peas a Chance Moan

Moan Quivers reports live from virtual Hollywood

"Give Peas a Chance" Moan appeared briefly on Twitter back in February, 2008, then found a permanent home on Flickr in mid-May. I created the "peas" slogan because for some reason, pea avatars used to be wildly popular on Twitter. Lately, the trend has waned. Besides, the pea pod costume obscured Moani's naturally blond hair. The whole persona was just plain wrong.

Feldman's PETA poster slogan made my jaw drop. Far be it from me to suggest someone may have ripped off Moan Quiver's "Give Peas a Chance" avatar in an effort to promote vegetarianism. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Lord knows, The Spewker has likely been flattered that way before. Eh - hem.

One time, if these obvious similarities aren't great minds thinking alike, just once I wish The Spewker would get credit where credit is due. One lousy link, comment, or acknowledgment. Is that asking too much?

Ode to a Cleaning Service

Reflections in My Bathroom

Please don’t judge me by my bathroom

Malodorous molotov cocktail of putrid human debris and psychotic stench
where dust drifters roost in sticky swills of bacteria-laden goo
Cowering undercover miscreants they are,
having no sense of shame or belonging

Each nook and cranny seethes with stubborn caked on stains of mortal refuse,
demanding their due in an increasingly unmanageable score
The sheer inundation of invading infectious microbes reminds
we too are but flecks of dust
Discombobulated fragments of purpose seeking gatherers
forging a unique path
in an unwieldy universe

When did I fire my cleaning service?
Judging by the proliferation of shower mold, it must have been a lifetime ago
I suppose it is time to throw in the towel
Wave the white flag
and give my neighbor's maid a try

Me and my bathroom
We have a lot more in common than I’m willing to admit
Perhaps that is why toothpaste stains and dried up spittle saturate its glass
Dull white blotches of what might have been
in a window of limitless potential

Okay
My bathroom may be a crud-infested wasteland, but it doesn’t reflect who I am
A factotum for hire is just a phone call away
I, on the other hand, claim the power within
to cleanse myself of detritus and detractors
rather than marinate in the muck

Please don’t judge me by my bathroom
The clean one is just down the hall to your left

Clooney Larson Dirt on the Fly

The return trip from L.A. was difficult.

Not because of the turbulence or the fifty minute layover in Philly. Not because we left our el Lay hosts at 8:45 a.m. and didn't deplane at BWI until 10:00 p.m. Not even because of the change in weather, which after nothing but blue skies and sunshine made the light spring sprinkling a welcome respite.

No, the difficulty had more to do with leaving a carefree life of celebrity-like luxury and returning to a ho-hum lackadaisical existence of every day reality, if you catch my drift.

For a blogger like me, the fantasy of catching celebs on the fly was pretty exhilarating. I'm not a news maker by any means, but still managed to catch a tidbit here and there.

For instance, while hanging out on Rodeo Drive I talked up a security guard who became rather chatty. Turns out he had spotted a party for George Clooney within the past few months, one involving an appearance by Charlie Sheen. Of course I was more interested in the Clooney-Larson break up. The guard confirmed Sarah had been pressuring George for an engagement. "George is a man" is the expression he used, meaning a man who wants to stay single will stand his ground against anyone, even the perfect female compliment as I have heard Sarah described. She's been going around portraying George as a lout, but the guard thinks he kicked her out before she could concoct a scheme to get pregnant. At least that's the word on the tony streets of Beverly Hills.

Can't dig up this kind of dirt in Baltimore, hon.

Yeah, so, that's why I'm now struggling to regain my bearings. Reduced to just another blip competing with over 70 million blogs for breaking news, if you believe this video.

Now when my mother-in-law asks me about my "pom" I won't have to explain for the umpteenth time about blogs and how they operate. I'll just email this link. Dear thing, has no idea why they call it a blog, nor why I bother to pen one. How's that for a confidence builder?

Crashing L.A. Traffic and MTV Movie Awards

A Baltimorean on their first visit to L.A. in twenty years is like a bird trying to stretch its wings in a 2 by 4. Don't remember how to get anywhere (should have ordered a GPS with the rental), people are less friendly, and traffic is a mother effer.

Seriously, going nine miles from place A to place Z can take two hours on a bad stretch. Tried to get from Venice Beach to Pico and Robertson just the other and sat in a jam for a full hour. Move a block, red light. Another block, red light. Did the traffic engineers out here go on strike too?


The scene outside House of Blues

Last night, my friend Gene Feldman and I, basically hung out on Sunset doing absolutely nothing. Oh, we stopped to have a drink in a heated outdoor cafe, and Gene ran into his cousin who was hastily making his way to the House of Blues, but other than some crazy guy yelling into his cell phone about a detached member in a getaway car, and some drunk floozy literally bumping into Gene, asking if she could use my camera to take our picture, the night was very low key.

And fun. Gene is a riot.


Sunset Boulevard near Comedy Factory

Trying to score tickets to the MTV Movie Awards tonight, but the leftovers cost a fortune. May just settle for a spot in the bleachers to watch the stars roll in. That is, if we can beat the traffic to arrive there on time.

Political Commentary on Comment Envy

Obviously, I am tickled pink over John Edwards' endorsement of Senator Barack Obama for president. Inexplicably, tenacious Senator Hillary Clinton remains in the race.

So, while checking out news stories on this recent happy development, I came across an incredibly poignant comment from sjkabza. And since no one ever seems moved enough to comment here (except charming Billy...LOVE YOU, Billy...if you stopped dropping by, I'd still be showing comments from September!), I've decided to reprint sjkabza's words of wisdom.

Whatthahey. The other blog (the one backed by ABC News) is already pushing over 90 comments and going strong. It can afford a throwaway.

If Obama wins the popular vote will Hillary and her supporters say that he should be the nominee? If we count Florida and Michigan as of right now he still has the lead in popular votes. So lets wait until all the votes are counted and include Florida and Michigan. When Obama still has the lead will everyone come together and support him? If Clinton gets more votes over all I will have no argument against giving her the nomination. But will Clinton supporters follow the same logic or will they be sore losers? Just because they believe that Hillary is the better candidate doesn't mean she should win the nomination. The people are still voting. The people should have the say. So far it seems like the people want Obama. Anyone who believes in the things that Hillary Clinton stands for will vote for Obama in November. The people who don't are uninformed and are not supporting Hillary Clinton because of the issues. For the first time in my life I have been truly invested in the future of our country and that is because of Obama.For the first time I have donated money to a politician. For the first time I see something different on the horizon. Obama is not perfect but he is the best I have seen in my life time. I sure hope he is elite. By definition if he wants to be President he should be better than all of us. I don't care to share a beer with him and I don't care if he can bowl. For people who think Obama is unamerican or hates america you have to some of the stupidest people on the planet. Why would he be running for President. It would be like Tiger Woods hating Golf. It would be like Jeff Gordon hating Nascar. it would be like Wladimir Klitschko hating boxing. This will be my last post to any blog. Im tired of it.Obama 08

Funny how a comment that would barely get any attention at a widely read blog is suddenly the toast of the town when thrown into obscurity.

Six Unimportant Things Tagging Me

Social networks are a blast. The great Yahoo social network, MyBlogLog, is where I not only promote my own blather, but sometimes find real gems among the articles of my contacts.

Jewel has a tag game going on, started by friend, Lauren, whose cat Leo meows like every other cat I've ever known. Leo can open doors, which is pretty cool. Lauren was tagged by Barbara, who was tagged by Karyne, and well, you can see where this is going.

When I was a spry young thing, I loved playing tag. Since Jewel opened this game to the masses, I'm jumping right in.

Like any good game, this one has rules:

1. Share six unimportant things about yourself
2. Link back to the person who tagged you.
3. Post these rules on your blog.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry (or open it up to anyone, like me and Jewel).

This is so random, I don't know where to start. Wait. Yes, I do.

1. I know all the lyrics to Dynamo Hum by heart.

2. When I don't want to do something that has to get done, I procrastinate until I can't afford to delay one second more, then stick with the task until it's finished either by actual completion or deadline.

3. My favorite place to eat Thrasher's french fries is the boardwalk in Ocean City. I'll smother a large bucket in vinegar and salt (no ketchup allowed), then pop them in my mouth one at a time watching the people walk by until my stomach feels like a lead weight and the thought of a fried potato makes me want to hurl.

4. Up until last year, I owned a plant that had thrived under my care for more than thirty years. The woman who gave it to me found it as a young stick, planted it, and watched it sprout leaves. I watered it regularly, re-potted it several times, and periodically fed it plant food. Over time, its leaves started to turn brown and curly at the ends. Slowly, it became an eyesore. One day, I up and decided that was the end. Putting it out of its misery was better than torture.

5. When I was little, I had a huge collection of stuffed animals. I often had pretend conversations with them, carried a different one around with me, and slept with my favorite ones until my teens. When my cousin came to visit, we'd play animal hospital, a game of my own invention. Naturally, we were the doctors. We'd powder and diaper them, wrap ace bandages around their limbs, and stick them in slings. Over the years, I pared down the collection, but never had the heart to give them all away. My children lost interest in them by the age of five. Many are still stored downstairs in my basement.

6. Much to the chagrin of family members, I love to dance at concerts, get rowdy at football and basketball games, and become inebriated at parties.

Wow. That was cathartic. My load has been lightened. Tag, you're it. Now get busy!

Update: About a half hour after I published this article, I found the following Twittervision from temptalia in California.



Kind of freaky, no? I don't know anyone named Roselyn.

That's Not a Cocktail - It's a Live Blogger at the Politics Online Conference

Talk about a long day. It's after 11:00 p.m. and I'm bushed. But I did say I would blog about the Politics Online Conference after the cocktail party. I can't very well go back on my word.

That must have been some cocktail party if it's now past 11:00 p.m., right? Not exactly. I finally tracked down the elusive Joshua Levy. We had a riveting political debate and exchanged friendly banter. Still trying to get that interview. Maybe we will connect more tomorrow.

I also sauntered over to Gregory Ensell, Manager of Government and Public Affairs for Cox.com, to introduce myself. I don't know, there was something about him that seemed to scream across the room, "I'm a fun guy. Lots to say. Come talk to me."

He was and I did. Don't know about him, but I had a blast. We discussed everything from The Wire, to Ayn Rand, to a guy who looked exactly like Tim Robbins, to tussling with a well-known radio and cable personality in the sixth grade. Gary...erm...I mean Greg is a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor (pardon my inability to remember names - I'm fabulous with faces, terrible with names). I'm so looking forward to reading his personal blog. Sorry, no link. I don't think Greg wants the publicity.

Anyway, the cocktail party ended around 8:00 p.m. It took all this time to drive back to my hosts' house in Silver Spring, eat dinner and unwind. Tomorrow I must be back up and at 'em at the crack of dawn. The networking breakfast begins at 8:00 a.m. and as I said earlier, I have a keen interest in the "Best Practices" paper being presented by Tony Winders.

Yes, I did attend one seminar at 3:30 p.m. I also interviewed James Kotecki, the vlogger from Politico. That article will have to wait. It's so late and I still have much to do before I retire. I'll be lucky to complete the article about the seminar before dozing off at my laptop.

For the record, the conference is excellent. Well-prepared panelists. Informative topics. New media celebrities. It would be nice to relax and enjoy all the offerings as an employee of a larger political operation; however, I am here as a blogger and a rogue one at that. My mission is to blog as much as possible, wherever and whenever possible, and I take my shots where I find them.

Right now, I'm taking a shot at a world's record for lack of sleep as a live blogger at a two-day conference. Go figure.

Live Blogging George Washington University's 2008 Politics Online Conference

Don't tell me I'm in over my head. Trial by fire is the choicest way to go down in flames.

Beginning approximately 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning and continuing through Wednesday afternoon, I'll be flailing about the D.C. Renaissance live blogging the 2008 Politics Online Conference. Not the arm flapping variety, mind you, more the "how do I get this high profile person to give me the time of day" type of flailing.

Oh, it will be dicey, that much is certain. After all, I'm a virtual newcomer, barely on the scene six months, and already trying to run with the bulls...uh...blog with the big leagues. Sorry. Bad metaphor. Apologies to muckety-mucks too full of themselves to appreciate boorish comparisons.

Pun intended. I'm on a roll.

Julie Barko Germany, the symposium's go-to-gal, recently became George Washington University's Director for the Institute for Politics and Democracy & the Internet (IPDI), yes, THE GW University, the department running this program. For its fifteenth annual installment, the theme might be summarized as "Political Impact of New Media," something right up my alley which, living so close to the nation's capital, I felt compelled to live blog. Thankfully, the organizers relented.

Being somewhat green may seem like a liability, but in this case I think it may work to my advantage. Due to the intellectual nature of the conference and scheduled panel participants, a snarky perspective could be in short supply. Consider the millions of people with a political bent who don't want to exercise their brain cells, or worse, have none to exercise. Such readers can't be bothered with a hoity toity analysis, unless we're talking Golden Dots.

For those people and anyone else wanting to laugh at a newbie, visit The Spewker tomorrow and Wednesday for a nuts and bolts blow-by-blow of the conference even a two-year old could comprehend. Well, not just any two-year old. Only Will Ferrell's scary potty mouth for which parental guidance is suggested two-year old.

Yes! I finally found a way to reference the video without looking Johnny-come-lately.

The 2008 Politics Online Conference will be held March 4th and 5th at the Renaissance Washington, D.C. Hotel, 999 9th Street, N.W.

Barack Obama Campaign Stops Traffic at University of Maryland, College Park

In a series of today's articles, I recount our brush with Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. For the first time in my lifetime, Maryland's primary vote will matter. I bring my son along for the ride.

8:45 a.m. - Alarm set on wrong time. Stuck in Baltimore. Leave home about quarter to nine, prime rush hour. Cursing under my breath as we inch along I695. Finally, around 9:30 a.m., traffic breaks, allowing beeline to Parkway. As long as there are no major accidents, we should make it to College Park in plenty of time.

9:35 a.m. - Traffic is flowing nicely on I295. Respond to WCBM Tom Marr program request for Obama Democrats. Tom wants to know why Obama has distanced himself from his extended family. "Why don't we see them on the campaign trail," Tom wants to know. Probably for the same reason Bill Clinton kept his extended family off the campaign trail, Tom. They're tangential to the campaign. Perhaps embarrassing. Does anyone remember Roger Clinton antics? Tom tries to bait me with Greenpeace rhetoric. Not falling for it. Before I get a chance to laud Obama's energy platform, call breaks up. Thanks, AT&T.

9:45 a.m. - Debating Tom, a staunch Repiblican, causes me to miss exit. Wrong turn down Kenilworth Avenue. Luckily, a stopped policeman politely obliges request for directions. We quickly make it back to Beltsville exit leading into College Park, but traffic is backed up to exit. Suddenly sweating. Bitter cold outside. What should be five minutes down Route One somehow transforms into thirty minutes. So glad 16-year old son playing hookey to witness history is sound asleep in back seat. Continue silent flogging.

10:15 a.m. - Gnashing teeth and white knuckling steering wheel. Heart pounding. Literally. Will we make it in time? Comcast Center doors open at 10:30 a.m. How long is the line? Will we get inside? Trying to lighten up with Sirius '60s tunes, but no go. Cursing bad karma for not checking alarm time. Should have remembered moving alarm an hour ahead last Friday. Luckily, inner alarm woke me up around 7:20, but still had to drive youngest to school. Of all days for hubby to leave early. Probably didn't want to disturb my deep sleep. Making mental note of husband's kind consideration and lousy timing.

10:25 a.m. - Traffic slightly improves, but no time for parking competition. Ditch car in Jerry's Sub Shop parking lot. Wooded lot in back appears to lead directly to campus area of Comcast Center. Kid and I hit what appears to be the beaten path. Thorns. Branches. Ouch. Keep up. Oh no. Turn back. Big stream. Retreat. Son thinks I'm crazy, but follows along. We'll have to reach Comcast on foot.

10:35 a.m. - Huge line of people snakes from front of Comcast Center, disappearing behind adjacent parking garage. Yellow tape with guards cuts off those heading directly to steps from parking lot. "To the foot bridge," someone cries. To the left we go. Mobs of people search for line's end. Like sheep, we herd into a semblance of order. But no one is directing the ever increasing overflow.

10:50 a.m. - This will never do. Line is barely moving. In fifteen minutes, we've moved approximately twenty yards. How long is this line anyway? It seems to go on forever. Leave son in line as I forge ahead to find out. Man the cell phones.

To be continued....

Teaser Announces End of Darkness

OMG. I'm back. Does anyone care?

I'm a tad peeved at myself, if you want to know the truth. I had all these grandiose plans to reorganize the blog, get rid of certain categories, and develop new features, but here it is February 4th and everything's still the same. Guess I bit off a bit more than I could chew, peeples. Bear with me just a little longer?

Okay, Grease is playing on HBO as I type this and I still cannot get over how hot John Travolta looks tapping away in pink. Why doesn't someone like him turn up on Dancing With The Stars? Man, old Edna Turnblad really had tight junk in his day. I just can't figure out how the entire shape of his head changed in twenty-five years. I mean, it's one thing to get old, another to get old and fat, and quite another to end up with a different shaped head, don't you think?

Anyhoo, the reason the blog didn't make as much progress as I thought is because I took a freelance job and then the whole family packed up and went on vacation. To another country. With expensive wireless. That we couldn't afford. It was all I could do to keep up with the job, let alone e-mail and let's just say I didn't do so well with that either. With over five hundred messages in my inbox, I'm thinking of doing a Cathy. That's right, a bulk dump. Man, am I tempted.

If anyone out there sent me an e-mail and you haven't heard back from me by now, chances are you won't. I know that's bad netiquette, but strangely, I no longer consider that at the top of my priority list.

Okay, at least one of the changes around here goes into effect today. Yes, this post is lame, I know. It's really for my own amusement anyway as I know hardly anyone actually reads these articles. A teaser article of more to come. New format means more articles, less words, and more focus on celebrity politics. Check back later today to see it in the flesh...in the type...in the...whatever.

Heh heh. Danny's trying to feel up Sandy. "Oh, Sandy!" Gotta go.