New Cartoon Strip and Internet Radio Show Are Eating up All My Free Time

So much has happened since my last post to this blog. I really don't know where to start. I think I may start to ramble. Please pardon the disconnect.

Before I begin, let me just say how very encouraged I am by the number of visitors "The Spewker" has continued to receive in my absence. Despite the lack of updates for well over 18 months, readers from all over the world continue to visit this site and read my articles. I think it's a testament to the time and effort invested in trying to make this site part of something bigger and better. For all of your past and future patronage, I am eternally grateful.

Feel free to continue to drop by, post comments, and follow outside links. Just a side note about comments: don't post comments that advertise other sites but have no relevance to my articles. None of them will make it past moderation. I'm a stickler about staying true to the real purpose of comments and would never shill my own blog on someone else's site other than to note a true connection.

Now, getting back to me (yes, it is always about me, isn't it?) ... I have finally come to realize that The Spewker was not meant for anything greater than it has already become. My experience with Examiner was also awesome and wonderful in its own way, but that too is now in my past. The time has come to move on.

Not that any of it was a waste of time, mind you. Learning by doing is one of the greatest experiences anyone can ever have. Rather than listening to some seminar guru drone on about how to get from point A to point B, I've had the opportunity to learn first hand what worked and what didn't. In the process, I've become a viral marketing and social networking expert of sorts, and that is valuable training I could never receive from a book or by sitting in a classroom.

If you have the time and ability to live on the fly (because you'll be earning next to nothing if you decide to do this), I highly recommend the trial and error approach for those with viable talent who want to promote themselves online. Justin Bieber did it, and to some extent, so did Colbie Caillat. Now they're living the dream. As the saying goes, cream will rise to the top. It's just a matter of determining whether you have the cream before you start plugging away.

In that regard, I think I've got cream. I write, I draw, I create. I'm also fairly original, although I do keep a pulse on what resonates and what doesn't, then try to create something in the same vein yet different. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Blogging is great and I love the connections I have made online, but obviously I'm looking for more than just Google Ad revenue. I want to be an entertainer. Finally, I think I'm on to something and that's why I'm updating "The Spewker" after an 18-month-plus absence.

This will be (I hope) my last update. Celebrities and politics don't mix, and when they do, it's a recipe for utter disaster. Serious matters are not meant to be treated frivolously. If there's anything I've learned from my Spewker and Examiner experiences, it's that.

Look for me at my new blog, "Reckons of Crass Construction." It's only a month old and already it's becoming a good outlet from views and opinions I could never express at "The Spewker." I'm also using the blog as a launching pad for my latest projects, two fledgling ideas that recently coalesced into coherent and concrete material.

The first is a comic strip I've decided to call "Reality Whore" because what better name for a situation comedy where people will do anything to become rich and famous, even prostitute themselves in the process? I update the strip about once a week (give or take), but still haven't named the two main characters. Yes, I'm open for suggestions. So far the strip has received some pretty positive feedback. I hope the positive continues and that you'll help the strip reach a wider audience by sharing it with friends.

The second project is a half hour news talk comedy program on BlogTalkRadio called "Trivialization of the News." Our third episode will air this Monday, July 5, 2010 at 1:00 p.m. EST, and I would love feedback from anyone who happens to read this post or drops by our page. Co-host RafiT and I joke about interesting news headlines in a loose compilaton of odd news, Baltimore news, national news, and celebrity gossip. We also run a weekly contest where we give away a free flag T-shirt to the first person with the correct answer. Last month it was a "Who Said It?" contest. This month, I think we'll change it to movie or TV trivia. Almost anything can happen during the broadcast and generally does. Again, we've received some encouraging feedback about the show. Feel free to weigh in or call during the broadcast for a chance to win the free T-shirt.

Well, that's a wrap. I'm keeping "The Spewker" up because one never knows what may happen. I may need this platform for some other crazy idea I decide to launch. But I hope not. The greatest gift to me would be seeing all of your smiling faces over at "Reckons of Crass Construction" where I'll be blogging my little heart out, at least for the foreseeable future.

Until then, stay sharp and keep on connecting.

Adrianne Curry Unleashes Another Idiotic Tirade

Hurricane Ike barreled into the Texas coast this past Saturday, devastating the landscape, homes, and people's lives. Likely to go down in history as a mammoth storm the size of the Lone Star State, clean-up efforts are estimated at $18 to $22 billion. Largely resulting from a storm surge 10 to 15 feet above normal tide, the death toll now stands at 27 people confirmed dead.

Initial predictions of a category three to four storm may have fooled many residents into a false sense of security. As evacuation highways moved at a snail's pace, many decided to stay put and hunker down. The picture changed drastically late Thursday evening when the National Weather Service issued warnings of "certain death" and "death likely" for anyone who remained. Given the choice of stewing in backups or riding out the storm, diehards chose the latter, a choice many would later regret.

But former Playboy model and reality TV star Adrianne Curry wasn't about to let the survivors off scott free. Although she may want to conserve what little she has left, the outspoken bubble brain was quick to unleash another piece of her mind.

In a September 14th blog entry later revised, Curry posted her mood as "aggravated" and proclaimed,

I am sorry, but I believe all these people should have to pay the bill for their individual rescues! When they issue a "certain death" warning and you are f*ng dumb enough to stay, you do not deserve free aid. I watched people being interviewed on the news claiming they bought a bunch of beer and BBQ to sit through the storm. I bet these same people are crying for help as I type. This is f*ng stupid! Why should we have to foot a dime for these dumba***s that ignored these warnings?
FREE transportation was provided, many buses left half empty. FREE shelters were provided, many not filled up. People value MONEY and POSSESSIONS more than their own lives? IDIOTS! I feel like we reward stupidity in this country, and this is the perfect example of it...

...(Revision) I never said they should DIE, I said if they value their MONEY and POSSESSIONS more than their own LIVES they should have to pay for endangering the lives of rescue workers, and sucking up more money this government DOESN'T have. someone claimed they didn't want to lose their job…I wasn't aware the bank was open that day!

I'm not sure which is more moronic, Curry blasting suffering hurricane victims who probably can't afford to reimburse federal or state governments for rescue efforts, or the 1,188 people (and counting) who posted comments and 500 kudos in response to her heartless tongue lashing.

The anorexic dominatrix image on Curry's blog speak volumes about the woman who is more famous for marrying Christopher Knight than any of her own accomplishments. Too bad she can't show more compassion for the less fortunate, those who suffer from misplaced priorities, questionable judgment, and/or the inability to mobilize in the face of impending disaster.

[Source]

DC Concierge Rouses A Good Chunk of Washington

It's been an incredibly long night. The relaunch party for DC Concierge brought me out of my usual cocoon. N Street's The Space looked like a remodeled garage with chandeliers and big screen TV. Reminded me of the basement parties we used to throw while parents obliviously snoozed upstairs, minus the parents of course.

So many people. The crush to the bar was excruciating! Made the small talk and exchanged cards, but really came to give my best to the DC Concierge. Now there's a gal who knows how to throw a party. Flooded the place with cameras to record all the guest for prosperity (at least that's the way it felt). I wonder if she'll post any photographs online (duh).

Rushed home to watch CNN's public service forum at Columbia University. Fell in love with Obama all over again, although McCain's answers made me feel like Democrats will win this election no matter what.

Almost...

Curse you, former Beauty Queen. A pox on your lipstick brain!

Barack Obama Has Chosen A Running Mate

The skinny guy with big ears has picked a running mate. Only he and a very exclusive group of "need-to-knows" possess the privately held extremely secure top secret information.

Dare I hint that perhaps moi has the inside track? Does "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you" ring any cliches?

Wouldn't you like to know?

As people hanging their hats on McCain's experience, Republicans sticking with the party no matter what, and pinch hitters of every other allegiance dance with glee over the latest poll results, Senator Barack Obama is quietly building a media storm. The swirl has become overwhelming. Like a gaggle of hungry paparazzi, hordes of reporters tail not only Obama's every move, but every move of suspected running mates. It's hard not to get caught up in the frenzy.

Imagine the unfolding scenario.

In a smoke-filled room at Presumptive Democrat Nominee Headquarters behind closed doors, a high level casting call has been made. That Campaign Obama was able to conduct the selection process without anyone getting wind of it is an amazing feat in and of itself.

"Send in the one with the estrogen, we need a woman on the ticket!"

"Nah. Won't command enough respect. Talked too much about out of body experiences. Next!"

"Liking the one with thirty-five years of Congressional experience. He's our man. Definitely! Has to be him. What? He lost brownie points during his last photo shoot with our star? Lacks chemistry? Next!"

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine is certainly playing his cards close to the vest. When asked whether he would be traveling to Springfield, Illinois for Obama's official announcement of a running mate, Kaine responded that he and his family would be traveling to Denver for the Democrat National Convention.

But when asked whether his flight might have a layover in middle America, Kaine just smiled and let the cameras flash away.

The surge is working. At a roasted peanut store in Emporia, Virginia, Obama running mate buzz is working over the MSM like a viral vid. People are scrambling to join the short list of those who will learn Obama's choice by text message prior to the Springfield announcement.

How much prior? The campaign isn't saying. But the ploy is marketing genius. Guaranteed, it's all anyone in the media will talk about until the text message is leaked. Exactly what the campaign is counting upon.

Bravo!

For the record, no one is stalking moi. But maybe they should be. I'm not at liberty to explain why. But in less than twenty-four hours, it won't matter.

Then we can all get back to the business of electing a president.


Update: Congratulations, Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Obama couldn't have picked a stronger party candidate.

Costner and Grammar Allegedly Pilfered 'Swing Vote' Outside Three Mile Zone

Looking for all the hot "celebrity justice" stories? Well, keep on surfing.

We can barely get the jump on behemoth TMZ.com. Yesterday, all the gavel bangers worth knocking about literally flooded their homepage, including the gruesome knifing of an ex-girlfriend by some bit player in The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Lately, before I can catch a whiff of any celebrity mauling, assault, DUI, carjacking, civil suit, you name it, TMZ has already left the building. It's gotten so bad, I'm beginning to wonder whether this tiny division of celebrity politics is worth my time.

But then news of a copyright infringement suit against Kelsey Grammar, Kevin Costner, Jason Richman, The Walt Disney Company, Walt Disney Pictures, and Touchstone Pictures, et al. wafts my way and once again, all is right with the world.

Not for the muckety-mucks, natch. I'm just giddy over finding a lawsuit that isn't spread-eagle on the TMZ homepage.

Bradley Blakeman, a former aide to President Bush, claims he gave Grammar a screenplay entitled Go November. Somehow, Kevin Costner and his daughter stole elements of said screenplay to create their latest release, Swing Vote.

I don't know how Blakeman intends to show his screenplay's chain of command from Grammar to Costner, but you can't blame a guy for trying. I'd be outraged too if bits and pieces of this blog ended up on another website packaged as something slightly different (yet oh so familiar) and ... oh ... well ...

Never mind.

[Scum sucking Source]

Better to Be Leisurely Than Funny or Die

As a rule, by the time the MSM sinks its collective teeth into an entertaining vehicle of originality, the model has been driven around the blogosphere so many times it's scrap metal.

Keeping up drives me bonkers, the challenges many. Back in my dating days, my mother helped keep my chin up with a gentle reminder. It only takes one. Mom never said anything about finding the "right" one, but hey, no body's perfect.

These days, I'm on the prowl for that lucky break, the story that will push this enterprising upstart into the stratosphere of "must reads" allowing yours truly to live out the rest of her storied existence in a tattered bathrobe and three day old underwear.

How's that for setting the bar? A girl can dream, can't she?

She can also waste her time watching too many videos.

This morning was no exception. I don't know what I was thinking, maybe that I could sift through the drek of video repositories magically locating the one shining jewel that would finally allow me to lead an El Dorado life of leisure...maybe...possibly...

No such luck to save my life.

Still, there's one thing the publicity-grubbing whores and hard-scrabble publishing hounds can't take away from me. I know what I like. And last night's Hilton rebuke was hilarious. Of course when WBAL radio talk show host Shari Elliker mentioned it on today's program, I knew right away the feng shui had run dry.

Time to move on to the next big thing. If you can call it that. And I think I can.

FunnyOrDie.com started out as a somewhat eclectic collection of video talent, the brainchild of former SNL funnyman Will Ferrell, John Hugh's successor Judd Aptow, and some other dudes I've never heard of who must be very big names in the biz. After one of Ferrell's productions went viral, I wandered around for a look see, occasionally embedded a funny video or two, then continued along my merry way.

It never occurred to me to lay anchor. I already spend so much time over at YouTube, they could name a link after me. Why punish myself with yet another account? Only recently, in part due to the Hilton viral, did I return to Ferrell's upstart. And let me tell you, FunnyOrDie is not just another receptacle for lousy video.

It's a niche site for lousy video showcasing celebrities.

To someone like me, that's radical. No more network middle people. Just raw creativity in all its naked glory, good or bad, funny or die, leaving me to decide which videos to promote or kick to the curb. Awesome.

Don't get me wrong, anyone can open an account, upload videos and grow an audience. Just like YouTube, the site attracts raw talent, some of which comes off the street and some of which is mainstream Hollywood. The main difference is the way the place connects people like me with mainstream talent, something I hopefully plan to leverage for the benefit of The Spewker in the months to come.

Before the Googleplex gets some lame idea to start a "Celebrity" category over at YouTube, a few words of advice (look at me throwing out words of advice to the Googleplex - as if). Don't. If this rube from Pigtown is using a dinky blog to promote FunnyOrDie as THE site for the next hot property, it can only mean one thing. This ship has sailed. Ferrell is the original. And when it comes to entertainment, nobody -- not even a Baltimore hon -- will flock to a knock-off.

Okay, maybe a Baltimore, hon....

In the meantime, here's a sampling of Whitehouserace, a farcical series mixing up politics and pop culture in a way that skewers everyone. Nobody escapes unscathed, plus the changing intro voice over is pure gold.

The creative genius behind the "23.95" series should upload more episodes before the general election. This sampling is at least seven months old. Outdated but not forgotten. FunnyOrDie has hit its stride.

I'm not sure why, but embedding these videos isn't working. If the problem doesn't correct itself, you can view the episodes here and here.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

New Yorker Cover Squabble Drones On

Just because we've entered the dog days of summer doesn't mean election 2008 coverage has to get loony toons.

First Jesse Jackson's gutter language spectacular and now The New Yorker cover squabbles. Pick, pick, pick. Dissected over and over, and over once more until the nausea police are called in.

Enough already. We've had our news stories, our petty battles over satire, misrepresentation, tastelessness, offensiveness, thick skin, taking the heat, and getting out of the kitchen. The possibility of any meaningful analysis or material revelation has long since passed. This horse is dead. Move on.

What do any of these natterings have to do with choosing a president? [Source]

The straw that broke my camel's back is this piece from Philly.com. So much to disagree with, I don't know where to begin. Two strenuously argued points are particularly irksome.

The piece claims the cover was clearly satire, dispeling belief in outright Obama lies "in a way nothing else could have." I'd be inclined to agree if the "MAD-Magazine-over-the-top" cover (as the writer describes it) actually appeared on MAD Magazine. Instead, the cover clothes a publication containing not only satire and fiction, but also reportage, commentary, and essays. "Reportage" being the act of reporting news, one could reasonably interpret The New Yorker cover as an illustration of news or commentary.

Thus, the cover is NOT clearly satire. And let's get something straight. The hooplah is in the disconnect. Ryan Lizza's accompanying article is more about Barack Obama meticulously crafting a political identity, as well as charges of political opportunism than about preconceived misconceptions. The New Yorker wouldn't have incited nearly as much controversy with a cover depicting chameleon-like Obama in a race to the finish line with hard-driving lawyer Michelle cheering him along.

The only place Lizza's article discusses preconceived misconceptions about Barack Obama is the very end. No mention whatsoever of Michelle. Dismissing the notion of Obama as "some sort of anti-establishment revolutionary," the Philly author imbues the candidate with "establishment inclinations" and labels him a paradox. His analysis becomes so far removed from the cover's illustration as to make a mockery of his tacit support.

Methinks someone with a hankering for magazine and online advertising sales "Barry Blitt" off more than they could chew.

But getting back to Philly, the second bug stuck in my craw is the author's characterization of Obama's September 19, 2001 article in the Hyde Park Herald. He basically pounds Obama for recommending engagement in the understanding of madness. Michelle Malkin made a similar argument which I suppose transforms this perspective into gospel.

Can't find any link to Obama's original article, a troublesome development, though everyone writing about the topic seems to have linked to the vital passage. Still, I am skeptical of the arguments as words taken out of context often make mincemeat of the whole.

True, soon after 9/11 Obama did say we must engage in "the more difficult task of understanding the sources of such madness." However, he also noted how history teaches such madness "grows out of a climate of poverty and ignorance, helplessness and despair." If we can somehow understand the way madness breeds, we may be better able to protect the "lives of innocent civilians abroad." An earnest display of well-intentioned empathy could have led to a peaceful resolution.

Of course, today we'll never know.

Obama tried to convey the importance of alternatives long before anyone realized the depth of our faulty intelligence. In retrospect, he displayed remarkable level-headedness when the nation was consumed by rage. Seven years later, Islamofacism still has a tenacious grip on many pockets of civilization. The next president will need savvy and determination to keep our homeland free from attacks. Remarkable level-headedness is a trait in short supply.

Barack Obama isn't the perfect candidate. He comes with his own grains of salt. But kicking a man with his own out of context commentary is disingenuous.

And for what it's worth, just plain partisan.

Now can we get back to the business of dissecting political platforms and other more material matters?

Welcome to the 2008 Politics Online Conference

8:44 a.m.
Opening breakfast. Bottom lobby of the Renaissance D.C. Hotel. Here we are, a room full of politically minded people, techno-professionals, old media, and people like me, the bloggers. I'm sitting with Tony Winders, Director of Marketing for ValuClick Media, online advertising mega giant, discussing the white papers," a unified description of "best practices" online. This is a project that interests me greatly. Someone has to tame the wild west of the Internet.

Richard Kosinski is giving the breakfast introduction, discussing online advertising campaigns, target marketing, and other connection techniques for websites. In case you weren't aware, advertising conglomerates have ways to check IPs, the interests of readers, demographics, and other identifying information about who surfs in and out. I believe this will become critical to future campaigns.

Important point of interest: No uninitiated sound on advertisements unless the site is for people surfing in for entertainment. Duly noted. Web sites that blast sound upon entry are quickly shut down. Why? Surfers are turned off. So, word to the wise. If you're not running a movie, don't have an automatically loaded song on your website.

Beginning with Howard Dean, political campaigns have become bigger users of online media. The people here thinks that might be changing the way candidates campaign. I'm inclined to agree. This year's election kicked-off with a January 3rd online campaign. Richard's presentation consists of the various campaigns.

"Tell Us the Real State of the Union"

"Hillary has a real Health Care Plan"

These are just a few of the online campaigns waged on behalf of candidates and advocacy groups.

But getting back to Tony. Nice guy from Agora Hills, California. He's been with ValuClick for about five years. I'm trying to find out what makes him tick, but it's a little difficult in the middle of Richard's presentation.

Maybe we'll catch up at the cocktail party.

Bill Gates Last Day at Microsoft Video

Big news flash. Bill Gates is retiring from Microsoft to devote his attention to The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Oh. You already knew. Well some of us have a life. Some of us sometimes spend time doing other things besides surfing the Internet. Some of us are just not so fabulouso.

I'm referring to our virtual Hollywood correspondent, Mona extraordinaire. Moan has been slacking on the job. Something about death and taxes. Don't ask.

But I'm here to make it up to all you faithful Spewklets. Bill's last keynote address at the 2008 International CES convention included a hilarious crossover vid spoofing his retirement. Yes, better quality versions are floating around, but we thought you'd enjoy the same experience as people attending the premiere.

We here at The Spewker wish our very best to Bill Gates. Not that he will need it, but hey, it never hurts to spread the good vibes.

2008 Campaign Trail Hitting Bumps and Grinds

Here's something I like to see. James Kotecki. Formerly unknown blogger hits the big time on Politico. Right mix of news, politics, and celebrities. Gotta admire the spunk of this kid.

Blurring the Line Between Politics and Celebrities

Regular readers of The Spewker know its main focus is politics and celebrities. Bashing those who choose to lead life in the public eye is one of my favoritie pastimes. Throw in a dusting for the media and my day is complete.


Thanks HollyScoop for creating a video that allows me to shpling one big loogger at all three. For starters, your host, Bridget Daley, needs a better hair stylist. That "too much combed over straight" look bit the dust in the 80's. Her side part makes her face look pretty fat, if that is even possible. This woman looks so unsightly, it actually distracted me from paying attention to the video. So much for Internet journalism.

Secondly, just because Brad Pitt says fellow actor and friend, George Clooney, has his vote for President, doesn't mean Gorgeous George should throw his hat in the ring. What a dumb segment! Could the line between politicians and celebrities become any more murky? Everytime I turn around, it's politicians becoming more like rock stars and celebrities thinking they can run the world. Honestly, sometimes I think I am living in a Twilight Zone episode in overdrive. Is there another way out?

Ummm, people, in case you've forgotten, we Americans have about twelve more weeks before Election 2008 really heats up. Any one of the declared presidential candidates could become the nominee for their respective parties. I beg to differ that "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" is the de facto Democratic candidate in the general election. Are we Democrats going to let the media decide which candidate we choose to run for our highest political office?

Sure, after eight years of Dubya, I can understand why hardly anyone wants a Republican back in the White House. But people in this country don't seem too fond of old "Billary" either. Her top fundraising status is not a deciding factor for me and shouldn't be for anyone else. We should support the candidate with the best resume, not the one with the most polished media image. There are other amazingly good candidates in the race who the media ignores. More about this in a later article.

America's apparent dissatisfaction with the front runners doesn't mean we should toot Mr. Clooney as a write-in. He may be very well meaning and know the location of Darfur, but presidential material he isn't. Even my 12 year old knows the difference between an actual politician and a celebrity who plays one on TV. Why doesn't HollyScoop?