Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom

Article first published as TV Open Thread: Celebrity Apprentice Recap - Dionne Warwick Makes a Cowardly Exit from Boardroom on Blogcritics.

This week, the women’s team began the task with fairly low morale. Having lost two weeks in a row, the team was down to only seven members. A well-stocked team could let lightweights LaToya, Dionne, and Hope slide, but clearly the women had their work cut out for them before they stepped out of the gate.

The teams were tasked with creating a 30-second commercial showcasing the ACN videophone. ACN executives stressed the importance of creating an emotional connection rather than focusing on function. The women, led by Nene, immediately centered on family, creating a spot where a young girl in France communicated with loving parents in America. Academy Award Winner Marlee took the role of the mother, while Grammy Winner Dionne stepped up as French host mother. The women made an excellent video.

However, ACN sales reps would select the best video, not company executives. The men saw this as an opportunity to "think outside the box" and roll the dice. They created an edgy concept called "Tommy Gets Engaged," a gag that "went for the gay angle" by casting a make-up-laden Jose in the role of Tommy’s fiancé.

"It’s either gonna go over real big when we deliver the punch line or it’s gonna go down badly," said PM Lil Jon. "Gay Jose" was their punch line, the fiancé presented at the end. On the other end of the videophone, Gary played a doddering grandfather clad only in black socks and bathrobe. During filming, he accidentally flashed "Big Wednesday" to the camera. Cut! Edit.

For the fourth week in a row, almost everyone on Team Backbone accused Gary of being difficult to manage. "Gary lives in his own world and has no consideration for other people’s space," complained Meat. Jon did his best to manage the distraction. "Just relax," Jon kept saying to Gary. "I am relaxed," Gary shot back. "Okay, then sit down," ordered Jon. Judging by the promotion for next week’s show, Gary better watch his back.

Same goes for LaToya. Supposedly due to LASIC surgery, LaToya suffered bouts of blurry vision. Nene assigned her the role of timekeeper then complained her 11-year old could handle such an easy job. LaToya was taken aback and defended her work for the team. LaToya is clearly a drag on the team, despite the praise heaped upon her last week.

Nene also complained about Dionne, saying she left the task too early. While the rest of Team A.S.A.P. patiently hung around in the editing room, Dionne hugged Nene goodbye. "Oh, you’re leaving?" Nene asked as she hugged her back. "Well, bye. Thank you," she said as Dionne exited.

"My body said, girlfriend, it’s time for you to lay down. And being that I am the matriarch of the group, I felt I deserved a little bit of a reprieve," Dionne crowed privately to the camera. Oh brother, did that ever come back to bite her in the patooty.

Yes, the men gambled on their concept, hoping executives wouldn’t be too offended, and won the task in a 53-47 vote. Everyone on Team Backbone praised Jon’s leadership abilities and cheered his $40K win for The United Methodist Children’s Home. The women also praised Nene as PM. It wasn’t that her team failed – the vote was very close – rather, the men’s big gamble paid off.

But even before a victor was announced the women were at each other’s throats. At one point, Nene cried.

"What is going on with the women’s team? It’s the third week in a row you’ve lost. There has to be a reason for it. Who is your weakest player? Who could your team do without?" demanded The Donald.

It took a while for the claws to come out, but eventually, Nene and Hope pointed the finger at Dionne, while Star and Marlee fingered LaToya. After their very public feuding, I’m surprised Nene didn’t dump on Star. Then Dionne did something stupid. Just like Niki the week before, she essentially accepted the blame for her team’s loss and agreed that she should be fired.

"I seem to be the one who has no problem saying what I have to say and that may be a bit intimidating," speculated Dionne. "It seems that everyone wants to get rid of Dionne," she continued, referring to herself in third person. "If that’s the way you feel, it’s cool." The men, watching from the waiting room, were stunned.

It took prodding from Star and The Donald to get Dionne to change her tune. Star blamed the team’s repeated losses on women who won’t stay and fight for their charities. The Donald agreed that Dionne was basically quitting.

"I can go forward," protested Dionne, "I don’t want to go, but everyone wants me gone."

"Not true," countered Ivanka. "There are people on the team who want LaToya fired."

But The Donald would not let Dionne off the hook. "It’s too late. You did the wrong thing," he admonished, "Dionne, you’re fired." Once all the women were out of the boardroom, he turned to Don, Jr. and Ivanka, saying, "She looked me in the eye and challenged me to fire her. No one gets away with that."

Lesson learned. Do not accept blame unless you’re prepared to be fired. Dionne acted like a whimpering fool, trying to go out as a class act, then changing her mind midway, trying to claw her way back in. It doesn’t work that way in Trump Nation. No one who agrees to be fired walks out of the boardroom unscathed.

Dionne had the nerve to call Nene a coward, but the one with the big yellow stripe running down her back was Dionne as she walked to the elevator.


Read My Other Season 4 Reviews:

Lisa Rinna Thrown Under the Bus

Niki Taylor Loses Battle of Airheads

Nene Leakes Rips LaToya Jackson a New One

O.J. Simpson Vegas Trial Better Send in the Clowns

There's O.J. Simpson looking smug as a bug in a rug on the day of opening statements in his robbery and kidnapping trial. Simpson and co-defendant Charles "CJ" Stewart face a dozen charges that could theoretically send each to prison for life.

The case concerns a well-publicized Vegas hotel room scuffle wherein Simpson and friends allegedly held two memorabilia dealers captive using threats of bodily harm. Simpson claims he entered the room only to retrieve his own memorabilia and the situation quickly escalated out of control.

As expected, the trial offers soap opera drama writers can only dream about.

For one thing, Simpson entered the Vegas courtroom wearing the same cool and collected expression and beige suit as the days he waltzed into Los Angeles for the murder trial of ex-wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman.

For another, three of Simpson's five accomplices are convicted felons. Four of them plead guilty and agreed to testify for the prosecution in exchange for lighter sentences. Of those, star witness Michael McClinton previously testified that Simpson asked him to bring guns to the hotel room and told him to look "menacing" during the confrontation.

One of the memorabilia dealers tape recorded the scuffle and sold it to TMZ, reportedly for more than $100K. Thomas Riccio's audio tape is expected as key evidence later in the trial. Riccio also profited from an autobiography revealing every "niggly detail" of the hotel scuffle and subsequent proceedings. No doubt a sequel is in the works following issuance of a verdict.

And then there's Clark County District Judge Jackie Glass, the little pistol who could. She initially kept Simpson locked up for arrogance and/or ignorance, later setting bail at $250K. Presiding over the selection of jurors, Glass chided each one saying, "If you think you are going to punish Mr Simpson for what happened in 1995, this is not the case for you."

But not according to Chief Deputy District Attorney Chris Owens. Over objections from defense attorney Yale Galanter, Owens referenced Simpson's infamous murder acquittal, positing,

Ladies and gentlemen, you are the jurors in this case and the final story is going to be told by you. You will be able to write that final chapter, the chapter of arrogance and hypocrisy and that will be the true verdict. The verdict you can feel good about. That's a different case and different facts, but the effect of the judgment is something you may consider.

Talk about impropriety. Thankfully, no request for mistrial ... yet.

Much fuss is being made over the composition of jurors. The nine-woman, three-man panel is composed solely of Caucasians, some with connections to law enforcement. Two African-Americans serve as alternates. Little wonder in a place like Clark County, one of the remaining bastions of good old boy justice.

To top things off, Bruce Fromong, the prosecution's opening witness, second memorabilia dealer, and former Simpson confidant, became unraveled on cross-examination, complained of lightheadedness, and was quickly escorted out of the courtroom. Paramedics examined the multiple heart attack survivor but found nothing amiss. Fromong took the witness stand again this morning, offering little to support the prosecution's case.

No one wants to see fulfillment of justice denied more than I, especially when it comes to O.J. But not an the expense of fundamental rights or principles of fairness and decency.

America prohibits double jeopardy, aka, retrial of the same crime following acquittal. Using subterfuge to circumvent constitutional safeguards makes our justice system look like a three-ring circus and even if somehow gratifying, the audience needs to realize they are the clowns.

Tori Spelling Vacates The CW's '90210'

Who will run "the coolest store in Beverly Hills" now that Donna Martin has left town?

The CW's behind-the-scenes hand wringing to wangle Tori Spelling a recurring role on the upcoming Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off was a waste. The move didn't pay off for Spelling or network head Dawn Ostroff.

Spelling pulled out over a salary dispute. Bottom line: she would earn less than half per episode as co-stars Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty. How could anyone possible expect the star of her own Oxygen reality series to play a bit part under such horrid conditions?

Now the pressure may be mounting on Ostrow to put up or get packing. Some bloggers believe 90210 is her last chance to hit a ratings homer, opening the door for future begging, pleading and feting to pacify Spelling's ego and sweet talk her back into a guest appearance.

From this blogger's vantage point, Donna Martin running some Rodeo Drive boutique will not make or break the sequel. As for Ostrow, isn't all this hypothetical back-stabbing a tad premature?

I was a huge fan of the original 90210 series, going so far as to stow every character doll on the shelf for future prosperity. A ratings opening of "4" seems like an impossibly high standard of success, especially in light of competitors such as The Hills, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girls, and reality programming. How many teen angst soap operas can women 18-to-34 realistically be expected to endure?

Without the creative forces of Darren Star and Aaron Spelling, I hold out little hope of the spin-off capturing lightening in a bottle twice. On the other hand, the possibility of once again catching Garth and Doherty at each other's throats may well be worth weathering any initial storm.

Juan Epstein May Have Long Lost Father

After joking about Juan Epstein's mother all these years, someone finally decided to dig up his long lost father. Welcome Back Kotter stopped production more than twenty years ago, but don't let that bit of trivia stop anyone.

Now come reports of a man in Coober Pedy bearing a striking resemblance to young Epstein. Problem is the guy they're talking about seems to be some kind of meat-fisted, booze guzzling, tree- hugging, branch-slashing freakazoid on a bad "emu dreaming trail" trip.

I don't think this unusual suspect will be signing school excuse notes any time soon.

50 Cent Files Lawsuit Tellling Taco Bell Why It Should Pay More

50 Cent is well on his way to setting a new world record.

Not for the number of lawsuits filed by the same sorry you-know-what rapper claiming infringement of intellectual property rights. Naw, Fiddy is about to grab the brass ring for all-time record number of news organizations running the same sorry you-know-what AP story describing his lame lawsuit against Taco Bell.

Just goes to show no one really wants to spend any time doing an in-depth piece on this poo.

In fact, his lawsuit against Yum Brands, Inc. (YUM), owner of the popular Taco Bell chain, may go down in history as one of the most sorry you-know-what meritless pieces of groundless drivel ever filed in a U.S. District Court. Can't wait to see the fallout from this one and just hoping those Yummy suits know how to file a super-sized counterclaim for utterly baseless blather.

I mean, how many times am I supposed to read,

50 Cent has sued Taco Bell, claiming the fast-food restaurant chain is using his name without permission in advertising that asks him to call himself 99 Cent.

The rapper says in a federal lawsuit filed Wednesday that the Mexican-themed chain features him in a print ad asking him to change his name to 79 Cent, 89 Cent or 99 Cent. His real name is Curtis Jackson.

The rapper's court papers claim the ad is part of Taco Bell's "Why Pay More?" campaign, which promotes items for under a dollar, including Cinnamon Twists for 79 cents, Crunchy Tacos for 89 cents and Bean Burritos for 99 cents. The papers say the Irvine, Calif.-based company sent a bogus letter requesting the name change to the news media but not to the rapper.

without going lollipop bonkers?

Thank heaven for a slight amount of originality.

If anyone in the world has actually seen the offending advertisement, they're doing an amazing job of keeping it off the Internet. I can't say for certain, but I'm willing to lay odds it's in the style of other publicized open letters, none of which could easily be characterized as an unauthorized advertisment. As long as the ad didn't contain Fiddy's likeness or copyrighted material, Yummy is in the clear.

As for providing a copy of the open letter to news outlets before sending it off to Fiddy, what's the harm? Does he really think that's going to prove Taco Bell didn't intend to make good on its offer? That they were staging a sly publicity stunt?

Uh, yeah, good luck with that argument. Sorry, but it isn't going to fly. I wouldn't be surprised if the judge laughed Fiddy's sorry you-know-what straight out of court.

Oooo. Four million dollars claimed, shakedown for one. He must be down to his last "fiddy" cents if he's going down this lane. And the ridicule he claims is everywhere on the Internet? Let's just say it's less about Taco Bell using his image without permission and more about his sorry you-know-what performances at rich kids' Bar Mitzvahs and sorry you-know-what albums with the same tired you-know-what lyrics. Fiddy has milked getting shot so many times even his fans are sick of listening to him. In other words, his fans were calling him a sellout long before Taco Bell came along.

Loss of his fan base, disappointing album sales, a suspicious fire, massive legal bills connected to the controversy with his baby momma. A culmination of problems like this could easily take its toll.

Fiddy should have made good on his vow to leave the recording business rather than become fodder for the 'bloids. I almost feel sorry for him, then get angry thinking about his lawsuit clogging up the court system.

Fiddy's odds of winning this lawsuit are so astronimically low as to make me question the motives of his legal team. Lawsuits like this give lawyers a bad name. Principled lawyers would have talked their client out of such nonsense, but then nothing surprises me when it comes to celebrities.

I'm not into fast food so it took a short while to get up to speed, but from what I can see, a fast food rap video caught wildfire a couple years back. Since then, hordes of aspiring rappers have taken their lyrics to the street, pulling into drive-through lines and rapping away. Taco Bell capitalized on the craze by crafting a "Why Pay More" ad campaign and reducing the cost of certain menu items to under a dollar.

Smart marketing or foreshadowing SNAFU?

Some suit whose job is probably now on the line ratcheted up the ad campaign to create more buzz. An open letter to down and out Fiddy was a win-win idea with virtually no downside. Fiddy's career would have benefited. On the other hand, waves of negativity had already rippled through the blogosphere, charging the ad campaign with racial insensitivity. At that point, leaving well enough alone might have been a good idea, but corporate is not the type to sit on its laurels.

The First Amendment protects a published open letter that doesn't otherwise infringe on intellectual property rights. Even then Fiddy's claims might be difficult to prove, especially alleged damages of four million dollars. If for some crazy reason this lawsuit moves forward, 50 Cent can expect to lose a lot more in lawyer fees than he could ever expect to gain.

To illustrate the lawsuit's frivolity, I'll leave you with a slew of videos mimicking the popular spoof that likely started it all. If Fiddy thinks Taco Bell's "Why Pay More" campaign was somehow modeled after him or his rap music, maybe it's because his sorry you-know-what lawyers couldn't tell him apart from the guy in this Burger King video.

You know how them gangsta rappers all look 'like.

ORIGINAL EBAUMS WORLD SPOOF

TACO BELL

WENDY'S

KFC

WHITE CASTLE

McDONALDS

ARBY'S

Update: It boggles my mind how many news organizations are still reporting this lawsuit using the same boring AP story. One blogger at last provided useful links to the actual lawsuit and trademark information. Kudos to Corpreform, a nice play on words.

Trademark infringement is a specialized area of law. Nuances are many. Still, I have not changed my opinion. This lawsuit is likely a thinly disguised ploy for publicity, an infuriatingly unnecessary clog in the court system. Trademark does not necessarily require prior permission to publicize words in an issued mark. The manner in which the words are used is key. That is where 50 Cent's legal team went down the mistaken path.

Yes, Fiddy has the rights to a mark that includes the words "50" and "Cent," but that does not preclude people from using the printed words "50 Cent" in a normal manner. Only the mark itself is protected, and believe me, there is a difference. Otherwise, every person in the world would trademark their name or stage name, requiring prior permission from anyone wanting to use said name in a third party manner. See how ridiculous?

To date, I have not seen a reprint of the original print advertisement, but would guess we're still referring only to the letter reviewed by reporters. In that case the lawsuit is frivolous as panned and the sooner kicked out of court the better.

Beyotch Swotch Catfights: Williams v. Omarosa and Danica v. Duno

Ack. No. Say it isn't so. Someone actually approved the reappearance of Stinkaroma Manigsworth-Stalwhatever on television!

Just because classless nobody publishes a predictably tell nothing book with catchy beyotch title doesn't mean anybody's going to buy it. Whoever talked Wendy Williams into bringing that street smart smack talking divorcee on her fine television program ought to be beyotch-slapped.

Better yet, "You're F-I-R-E-D."

It all started when Williams mentioned the perception of Omarosa as "ABW" (angry black woman). Stinky said she'd rather be ABW than a buffoon. At that point, Williams should have told her it was too late, but instead valiantly tried to stay the course. Meanwhile, Stinky took potshot jabs.

Then it got truly ugly. Stinky accused Wendy of being fake while Wendy in turn slowly picked her apart. As they sat there symbolically clawing away at one another, the plushy pink couch began to look more like a psycho ward chaise than a celebrity talk show perch. Honestly, their catfight was so over the top, I started to wonder whether it was staged.

There must be a strain of catnip in the drinking water because champion racing car driver Danica Patrick recently clawed it out with rival Milka Duno. Maybe the heat is starting to fry people's brains. Don't they realize they're being recorded?

Maybe like old Stinkaroma, whose 15 minutes expired an eternity ago, they simply just don't care.

PETA "Give Peas A Chance" Slogan Rings Too Familiar

Unlikely coincidence or great minds thinking alike? I know everything published in the blogosphere is fair game, so I'll just sit back and let you be the judge.

Corey and Susie Feldman are politically minded reality TV stars. Corey, a vegetarian, is half of the famous child star duo who lived to tell about his tumultuous rise and fall in Hollywood. He and the other half of The Two Coreys, Corey Haim, were recently slapped with a $1M lawsuit for producing their reality show on another network. I mention the litigation because it may be an indication of other suspect behavior. You'll see where I'm going with this in a minute.

Recently, the actor and his wife re-enacted John Lennon and Yoko Ono's famous bed in protest against the Vietnam War to promote a vegetarian lifestyle. Their slogan: "Give Peas A Chance." Applause, applause for lending their fame to a worthwhile cause.

As most of our readers know, The Spewker maintains a presence on Twitter through our virtual reality character, Moan Quivers. Moan reports breaking celebrity news from virtual Hollywood whenever we get around to updating her bot (which is sometimes weeks, but who's keeping tabs). Moan's different image incarnations can be viewed on our Flickr stream, but in the interests of time, voila.

The original Moan

Moan Quivers on virtual Vogue

Give Peas a Chance Moan

Moan Quivers reports live from virtual Hollywood

"Give Peas a Chance" Moan appeared briefly on Twitter back in February, 2008, then found a permanent home on Flickr in mid-May. I created the "peas" slogan because for some reason, pea avatars used to be wildly popular on Twitter. Lately, the trend has waned. Besides, the pea pod costume obscured Moani's naturally blond hair. The whole persona was just plain wrong.

Feldman's PETA poster slogan made my jaw drop. Far be it from me to suggest someone may have ripped off Moan Quiver's "Give Peas a Chance" avatar in an effort to promote vegetarianism. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Lord knows, The Spewker has likely been flattered that way before. Eh - hem.

One time, if these obvious similarities aren't great minds thinking alike, just once I wish The Spewker would get credit where credit is due. One lousy link, comment, or acknowledgment. Is that asking too much?

There's a New Posh and Becks in Town

Not seeing the resemblance between Posh and Kate. Not Holmes, silly, Beckinsale, Posh's brand spanking new BFF.

Oh, you didn't know chic spicy was on the prowl for a suitable "joined at the hip" replacement? Even before Mrs. Cruise set her sights on New York, a tiff over body art may have driven the formerly inseparable duo apart.

Why is it every time Mrs. Beckham hangs out with a gal pal, the press has to brand them twins? It's like a knee jerk reaction, an automatic "Oh, they're both wearing black cocktail dresses, so suddenly no one can tell them apart" way of thinking.

I've stumbled across my share of "separated at births," but Beckinsale and Posh? Not a chance. Desperate for news much? On the other hand, it's a newly teamed Posh and Becks, so the conjecture may be a smidgen newsworthy.

For what it's worth, here are some real dead ringers.

Smoking Meat Loaf Spot is Sexy Hot Shill for GoPhone

Does anyone else think the Meat Loaf GoPhone commerical is smoke'n? Not talking about the sparks and fire effects, nah. I mean the way it literally oozes sex appeal.

How some suit took a sizzle and pop classic and mutated it and its primary crooner into shills for cell phones, I'll never know.

There's the Meat, back from career hell and sounding like the way I remember. We used to rock out to this song during air guitar jams in the dorm. Even in his younger days, Meat Loaf was never the kind of rocker who inspired girls to swoon. But his music marks a period in time when practically everyone had some kind of twisted experience tied to Dashboard Light.

For some reason, this longer version of the commercial never seems to make it on the air. Maybe if AT & T sold more GoPhones, they could could afford the cost of the extra half minute.



Is it just me? Or is the son character kinda hot?

Caught the shorter incarnation of "Paradise By the GoPhone Light" during last night's American Idol Gives Back. It was then I remembered how Idol almost single-handedly revived the Meat's career by pairing him with Katherine McPhee. He must have some connections to a producer or Simon because his performance was less than spectacular.



I figured old Meat's second shot came and went which is sometimes just as well. Sometimes, it's best not to mess with memories. But never underestimate the power of an aging rock star. With this commercial, the Meat is back. It'll be fun to see how it all plays out.

But not so fun to accidentally find Ms. McPhee later trashing the rock icon as if he's some kind of joke. Okay, we get it, his talent has seen better days. But even on his worst day, the Meat is a whole lot classier than this dizzle.



"And like, he comes in like, and he’s like, like this frumpy older man, and like just the sweetest guy in the world, but I was like, this looks like, like one of my best friends’ dads, like..."

Talk much? Like give me like a break.

Where does she get off making the Meat into some kind of Ashton Kutcher punk? What has she done that's been notable?

Well, let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning.

Oscar Night Makes Gary Busey Blow Up

We're a little late sending out this Gary Busey berserk alert, but I'm not putting this off any longer. The fury has been building since last Sunday's Oscars. What on earth was this guy thinking?

First, Busey made a total donkey of himself on the Kodak Theatre red carpet by stalking, of all people, Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest squirms and nervously tries to reassure Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner not to worry, but the snubbed Busey will not be denied. Things go terribly wrong rather quickly as seen in this video.



Now I don't know about you, but if I'm lighting a candle for a Seacrest interview and getting tossed aside for Seth Rogen, I'm moving on. I think someone had to forcibly remove Busey from the area for fear he would french kiss Rogen and his Mini-Me. Where is Ben Affleck when you need him? Oh that's right, taping Jimmy Kimmel Live.

But the truly scary moment was yet to come. Gracie Stagg, an 11-year old tweenager who interviews celebrities for Starzlife.com nearly cried in this segment with a What's the Buzz ABC News correspondent. Clearly, Busey was belligerent, condescending, and downright scary when Stagg tried to interview him at an Oscar after-party. In the quintessential moment of a pot calling the kettle black, Busey disparages Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, saying they're "idiots and losers" not celebrities. Then he makes a left handed reference to "Paris I assume Hilton," although Stagg's question had nothing to do with the ditzy celebutante.



Except for a nightmarish cameo on Entourage and a string of forgettable and/or unreleased movies, this guy has barely had a career since his horrific 1988 motorcycle crash. Riding without a helmet, Busey almost died from severe brain injuries. Still, after begging like a dog for Seacrest, he should have been thrilled by Stagg's attention. By pushing the poor dear's camera into the ground and grumbling about the interview being enough, Busey not only showed a lack of common sense, but also a basic lack of humanity.

.People can continue to feel sorry for this blowhard and offer him pity parts, but the rumor mill says they needn't bother. Busey already has a gig as a fashion designer. Which is just as well seeing as he has so much hot air to spare.

Britney Spears is Just Another Victim of Danny Bonaduce Life Coach

Don't ask us how we found Danny Bonaduce Life Coach. All we know is that the series of tiny tubes known as the Internet took us there. It's about time someone revealed the true reason behind Brit's crash and burn. Don't be fooled by the cartoon format. Other pop references are just icing on the cake.

Hey. When there's nothing good on television and just about everything becomes reality TV, it's time to jump ship. Welcome to the next generation of entertainment.

Ratings Warning: I had to sign an 18 and over voucher to watch this vid, but I'm posting it anyway because IMHO, the content is PG. In your eye, movie ratings fogies.

Nobody Cares on November 26, 2007

Dishes piled sky high in the sink, headed back to the dentist chair today, the guinea pig is on hospice watch, dirty clothing litters the laundry room floor, another funeral at 1:00 p.m., this month's whopping credit card bill came due, but ... nobody cares. Likewise this drivel culled from cyberspace:

1. Those fabulous pearly whites. An outdoor café setting. Someone deciding to satisfy a craving for nourishment. Why, it’s ... [more]

2. Showing once again that any cumtwat can satisfy a desperate need for attention by sending blind e-mail items to big name bloggers willing to package demented neuroses as news ... [more]

3. Fake sibs who play together stay together while toting over sized designer handbags up, down, and all around town ... [more]

4. This must be what Victoria Beckham meant when she explained how too many copycats inspired her sudden switch to brown hair ... [more]

5. Be careful what you wish for. An early primary election may interfere with your local holiday consumer frenzy and/or television viewing pleasure ... [more]

6. Put a sock in it, John. If Washington, D.C. is the devil’s playground, why are you trying so hard to snag a prime spot in the sandbox? [more]

7. Terrorists killing more terrorists. So far away and yet so relevant. Eh, who am I kidding? Nobody cares. [more]