Pregnant Mariah Carey Naked Photo Shoot Barely Shocks

Clutching her right breast with a come hither arm raised gently over a golden flowing mane, eight-weeks pregnant (with twins) and ready to pop Mariah Carey graces the cover of "Life & Style Weekly." Naked as a jaybird, Carey joins the ranks of other pregnant celebrities who have posed naked on magazine covers. Demi Moore, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera all come to mind.

More than twenty years after Moore stunned the world with her daring expose, Carey's naked swell barely raises eyebrows. Been there, seen that. Naked pregnant women have lost their edge. Other than navigating newsstand placement, where's the controversy?

I'm not going to criticize Carey for exposing her naked pregnant body -- dark line running down the center of her stomach and belly button flattened wide like roadkill on a dark country road -- for all the world to ogle. Truth be told, she looks radiantly lovely, a mother-to-be in true Botticelli form.

No, my gripe is with her choice of magazine. "Life & Style," is she serious? Couldn't she have picked a rag with wider circulation? I mean, Demi let it all hang out for "Vanity Fair," Britney laid bare for "Harper's Bazaar," and Christina went au naturel for "Marie Clare." Not that these are the creme de la creme of periodicals, though in their own way, they are at the top of their game. In contrast, Carey seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrel. Up until her naked shoot, I had no idea this magazine existed.

Also, what's all this about Carey and husband Nick Cannon adorning the walls of their family home with naked photos? According to Daily Mail, Cannon would rather skip the public display.

"My children are going to have to see these pictures. It's a little weird," he said during his Rollin' with Nick Cannon radio show. "It's a little nasty," he continued. "I mean, have you ever seen your parents naked? When they get older and their friends come over... they will see the pictures and say, 'Your daddy's butt naked.'"

Cannon's remarks are puzzling. If these photos are the least bit nasty, why hang them in an area of the family home where visitors will see them? For that matter, why display them at all, or let them appear in a weekly magazine? I don't get it. Can't Cannon and Carey hang these beauties in a private area of their home? Better yet, stick them in a scrapbook, tuck them away in a dark closet, and only pull them out for special occasions?

That'll put an end to disturbing glances from puzzled houseguests.


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Getting out the vote just got disgustingly creepy. And deliciously kinky.

Now do we have your undivided attention?

Good because according to this new ad campaign, "Only U Can Silence Yourself."

Jessica Alba and Hayden Panettiere are part of the new Declare Yourself and Get Out The Vote ad campaign, a grassroots effort to attract younger adults and people who surf random porn.

The images are more startling than inviting, less political statement than prop, but compelling in the same way a baby screaming in the middle of a movie theatre makes people look for the nearest exit.

Oh, and by the way there's a contest. Just in case you were inclined to spend time making fabuloso video entries instead of meeting voter registration deadlines and heading to the polls on November 4th.

Underage Sex Slavery Calls For Response and Mo' Gossip

"Call + Response," a new documentary funded solely through donations, explores the underbelly of the juvenile sex trade. With compelling first hand accounts by activists such as Madeleine Albright, Daryl Hannah, Julia Ormond, and Ashley Judd, along with performances by musical artists including Moby, Natasha Bedingfield, Matisyahu, Imogen Heap, members of Nickel Creek and Tom Petty’s Heartbreakers, the film goes undercover and calls upon everyone to stop the misery.


Too many drugs in the House of O'Neal. Daughter Tatum an admitted coke head and now the boys. Ryan O'Neal and son Redmond were arrested after police found a suspicious substance resembling methamphetamine. Lawyers for the tony two denied any wrongdoing.

Lego has created a cadre of glitterati to celebrate its 30th Anniversary. Mini figures such as Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Posh and Becks, and Simon Cowell will go on display, but won't be released to the public.

Another star-studded fundraiser for Barack Obama netted about $9 Million in contributions. The main attraction was a concert by Barbra Streisand. Notable celebrity supporters included Will Ferrell, Jodie Foster, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jamie Lee Curtis, Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg.

And speaking of Obama, actor Ed Norton has agreed to stop publicizing his upcoming documentary about the rise of Barack Obama. According to Norton,

We're making a historical record and not something to play a role in the election, so we have an agreement that this is something we won't talk a lot about or publicize until the election is over. I can't really comment on our access to Obama because it's part of our arrangement with the campaign, but it's a fascinating thing to be able to be documenting. We'll have an opportunity to talk about that process when it's all unfolded but we kind of have to stay off the record about it until it's all resolved.

Madonna's an Old Fart, Sheridan Bolton have No Heart, and HBO Series 'Entourage' Gets Off to a Great Start

Between last week and this week, life went horribly awry. Both the dryer and the upstairs toilet broke, leaving a small army's worth of smelly towels and rugs. Got a sunburn to die for while recuperating from a face first dive beneath the sea. Slam went the boogie board as my nose followed bloodied and bruised. Oh, and there's no justice in America. Try sitting in a courtroom all day pleading for mercy only to have the stinking judge throw the book and kitchen sink at one very misguided relative. Despite my best intentions to make this a daily, once again, it's the weekly Wrap of Crap.



Sticky and sweet may have deeper significance for popfart Madonna. Explicitly lewd love letters and photographs expressing her penchant for spanking may be part of a February exhibition entitled "Simply Madonna: Materials of the Girl." From the same slut who brought us the offensively raunchy coffee table book SEX, comes the threat of legal action if former lover Jame Albright puts her oh so private materials on display.

Oh hooray. Speaking of Madonna, we can all stop worrying about her very public feud with Sir Elton John. It's over. The Goodbye Yellow Brick Road crooner was spotted along with musician Bono enthusiastically clapping at her Sticky and Sweet performance in Nice, France.

It's deja vu all over again. Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have once again called it quits. The couple dated for five years before ending their relationship in 1997, then became engaged in March, 2006. Seems to me like a revolving door of domestic tranquility with someone balking at walking down the aisle.

Los Angeles based 220 Laboratories is suing actress Kate Hudson for revealing its secret hair care ingredient to competitor David Babaii. Hudson allegedly made a verbal agreement to promote the company's line of products before letting the cat out of the bag. A representative for Hudson denies all accusations.

By now, everyone knows about the trials and tribulations of "Valkyrie," the expected Christmas Day turkey. Twelve extras are suing Tom Cruise and his production company United Artists for $11 million, alleging negligence and personal injury. The cast members suffered broken bones, cuts, pulled ligaments and bruises when the side panel of an antique German army truck flew open. Plaintiffs' lawyer claims the truck had not been properly secured. Might explain why Cruise and former business partner Paula Wagner recently parted ways.

He knows they're out there. That's probably why The X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny entered a rehab facility for treatment of a sex addiction. Never mind whatever threats of divorce may or may not have been made by fellow actor and wife, Tea Leoni. Both parties have pleaded for privacy during this extremely painful time for their family.

Fans who attended Neil Diamond's Ohio State University concert on Monday, August 25th may request a refund from now until September 5th. The "Sweet Caroline" singer suffered acute laryngitis, making his voice sound raspy during the performance.

The Broadway production of Grease will get another infusion of American Idol lubricant. Season 5 performer Ace Young will play Kenickie from September 9th through January 18th, joining the cast just as Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks exits his role as teen angel.

Illegal downloads will land you in jail. Honestly, they're not worth it. At the very least, don't be like this poor sap. If you ever need a deterrent, look at the FBI turning the life of 27-year old Kevin Cogill upside down. The blogger, who is suspected of streaming songs from the unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, must pay a $10,000 fine and appear for a September 17th preliminary hearing to answer charges of felony copyright infringement.

Attention all tweeny boppers and the parents who lavish them with love and affection. Verizon Wireless and Samsung are running a contest with the top prize of a Bahamas vacation with The Jonas Brothers. For details, visit the official site.

The HBO hit series Entourage will team up in a big way with Virgin America. From now until the end of September, flights from New York to Las Vegas will be renamed "Entourage Air." Lucky fans on the September 4th flight will receive free swag and get to watch the premiere. The airline will also rename their first class seating "Entourage Class."

Jewel Elopes, Osteen Trial Plays Race Card, and Miss Universe Models Nude

Okay, we've succumbed to the pressure. You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Introducing a brand new feature here at The Spewker, The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

Jay-Z will not confirm or deny his marriage to Beyonce even though US Magazine caught him out and about with a wedding ring. Mr. Carter considers personal matters off limits to the news. In other words, NOYDB. Get the full story at Vibe. In related news, cosmetics giant L'Oreal denies lightening Beyonce's skin in recent print ads.

Celebrity pastor Joel Osteen's wife is fighting to keep 10% of her net worth in an ongoing civil suit. Continental flight attendant Maria Brown is suing Victoria Osteen for assaulting her over a drink spill. The Osteens left the flight, leading to a $3,000 fine by the FAA. Jurors audibly gasped as Osteen's attorney accused Plaintiff's witness of testifying by playing the race card. The ugliness continues in a Houston, Texas courtroom.

19-year old Joshua Allen is the Season 4 winner of So You Think You Can Dance. Read yesterday's spoiler alert at Entertainment Weekly.

Harvey Weinstein shoved Catherine Zeta-Jones' latest release under the bus. His new distribution company Third Rail Releasing dumped Death Defying Acts in the UK after last week's dismal U.S. box office receipts. The film opened in two theaters and made less than $4,000.

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty continue getting hot and steamy. Despite reports of reconciliation with his wife, Getty and Miller were spotted together Wednesday in a Malibu Country Mart shopping center.

Tons of celebrity divorces in the works. Dixie Chicks Emily Robison finalized her divorce with crooner Charlie Robison. Tennis star Pam Shriver filed for divorce from actor George Lazenby. Cynthia Rodriguez filed for divorce from New York Yankee's star Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod shot back with a request for enforcement of their prenup. Pro-wrestler Ric Flair may be headed for divorce after muddled reports surfaced about wife Tiffany filing papers. Boston Red Sex owner John Henry reached an out of court settlement with wife Peggy Sue Henry. And actor Morgan Freeman and wife Myrna Colley-Lee filed for divorce after 24 years of marriage. The two were separated before Freeman's serious car accident and subsequent hospitalization. Freeman was released from the hospital sometime after 12 noon yesterday.

Elvis' famous peacock jumpsuit sold for a record $300,000 at auction. It was the highest amount ever bid for Elvis memorabilia. Daughter Lisa Marie is pregnant with twins.

David and Victoria Beckham, Kate Moss, Liam Gallagher, and Patsy Kensit made the short list of sixteen contenders vying for the title of "most influential magazine cover off all time."

Singer Jewel and longtime rodeo star boyfriend Ty Murray eloped, surprising tabloids after living together for more than ten years.

The new Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza, will not lose her title for modeling jewelry in the nude. The controversial photos were taken before she competed for the crown.

Denise Richards is an "unappealing reality star" and her E! show faces possible cancellation. Viewers are fleeing in droves after the Charlie Sheen-ex used foul language on her show and publicly battled Sheen in an ugly custody battle for their two toddler daughters.

Over Her Dead Body Official Competitor for 2009 Worst Picture Razzie

It's official. Over Her Dead Body bites the dust, is D.O.A., dreadfully formulaic, completely devoid of redeeming spirituality, not worth a pulse check, lifeless, makes six feet under look attractive, and fills otherwise earnest bloggers with a desire to commit suicide. Why throw away good money at a cinemaplex when the two minute and thirty second version does a brilliant understudy? Better yet, if you can stomach the black background, download the spoiler for your next bathroom break.



Too bad, really. "She was crushed (not touched) by an angel" is a great line. Sorry, Google still hasn't enabled line through wording at Blogger.

Isn't anyone willing to plug the twenty or so screen minutes of Eva Longoria Parker's firmly toned torso, skin tight arms, and pouty yet perky puss? Grapevine buzz for Paul Rudd's dead on comic timing isn't enough reason to endure this ninety-five minute requiem. But with a slightly different angle, testosterone might soon be lining around the block.

Jennifer Aniston Photographed Sunbathing in the Nude

Sex sells. Ask anyone. Given the choice between the purity of content and the almighty dollar, what is a blogger to do?

In a perfect world, my answer would be, "Why, purity of content, certainly." This is, after all, a world we want our children to inherit, right? On the other hand, a person has to eat. Alas, we do not live in a perfect world. These are real choices each of us must grapple with every day.

Lately, Jennifer Aniston has been stirring up the paps, but for all the wrong reasons. Gossip is undulating everywhere about her fall-out with BFFs Courtney Cox and David Arquette. If you must know, the problem supposedly started with some immature flap. The Arquettes were unable to visit Jen on her current movie location, so she became angry and now they hate each other. To really soap up this spew, someone threw in a rumor about an overly concerned Brad Pitt. As if. Angelina Jolie has a tight leash on that dog. But, honestly, I can't imagine the Friends hotties having a row about something so petty. Must be more to the story.

Looks like there is. Jennifer Aniston, of all people, has become a pap victim. That much is true. Caught sunbathing topless. Unless the photos are doctored, and they don't appear to be, the ladies are out in all their glory for the whole world to view, comment, and whatever else over-sexed humans do behind closed doors. Oh, and make no mistake about it, people will comment. Jen is one of the few ladies in Hollywood who decided to stay au naturale. Here, for what it's worth, is my own conjecture about her tiff with the Arquettes:

Jen became distressed when she could not stop the nudie photos from being plastered all over the Internet. Publication in the dirty tabloids is likely to follow, meaning, the photos will be on every news stand, unless she can get an injunction. Not sure if she knows how, Jen immediately contacts her BFFs for support, telling them to drop everything and fly out to her current movie location. No can do, replies the Arquettes. They have their own commercial commitments. Besides, it's the holidays. They don't want to miss all the good parties and family get togethers. So, Jen is left to fend for herself, miserably alone and devastated. She won't be able to face the media scrutiny alone. She lashes out at her two true friends. Someone on the set gets wind of it and spills.

Okay. Someone who cares needs to drop everything to be with this girl. Rachel Green is no longer the mysterious fantasy of every young boy's dreams.

Eh? What's the big deal? All the big stars eventually do Playboy, right? Not.

I had to think long and hard about whether The Spewker should link to this papanazzi garbage. On the one hand, this is a family oriented blog. On the other hand, sex sells. Just imagine the spike in traffic ... why ... for a tiny new blog like this, the outcome could be huge!

Oh, okay, enough with the double entendres. It's easy enough to find your own links if you want to see what Jennifer Aniston looks like topless. Just stop and ask yourself one simple question. Will you take the time and trouble to do so? Your honest answer may surprise you.

Especially if you want to leave the world a better place for our children.

Steve-O Spotted Supporting New PETA Campaign

I’m not into the Jackass movies or their small screen progenitor, but can’t deny their popularity. One of the creative forces behind the mayhem, Steve "Steve-O" Glover, is a recent crossover to the blended netherworld of politicelebritopia.

I hope his participation in this PETA campaign draws much needed attention to senseless animal abuse. Otherwise, I couldn’t stomach the tats. Are those fur real? What some folks won’t do for free publicity and stuff.

Another saltier ad depicts Steve-O with salaciously steamy hot buns. Ah....sorry...I have a feeling Google wouldn't approve, so no reprint. Can't help but wonder whether the racier version should be credited to amazing camera work, frigid weather, or just a tiny tallywhacker.

Nobody Cares on October 23, 2007

I can't get my work done, my kid had an operation, the rented video is busted, and the downstairs toilet is not only stuffed up, but the flushing handle doesn't work.

Nobody cares.

Likewise, nobody cares about these culled tidbits from around the blogosphere:
1. J.Lo is preggers. Duh. Do we really need an announcement [ more...]?

2. After transmorgifying her image from this to this, we all know Tara Reid is just a washed up has been in bimbo's clothing. Everybody knows they're fake, dahling. Why bother with surgery when you have such a pretty face[ more...]?

3. Speaking of face, Britney changed some features of her own face the other day, then covered up to avoid the ever present paparazzi. Don't worry, Britney's mom, this too shall pass. [more...].

4. Eddie Izzard and Keifer Sutherland. Separated at birth? You be the judge [ more...].

5. Kim Kardashian continues to hang out in all the right places. After all, it was the woman's birthday. But why the body obsession? The more I read and see about Kim's tush and tiddies, the more I want to hurl. [ more...].

Well that's a wrap. And nobody cares.

Publication Fails to Accurately Examine PETA Protesters

Sex sells. Just ask The Examiner, newfangled competitor of the local rag trying its darnedest to get noticed in an already overcrowded field of tabloid journals. Today’s edition, page 4, certainly grabbed my attention, but not for obvious reasons.

Yesterday, PETA members, Ashley Byrne and Shawn Herbold, apparently having nothing better to do, decided to picket a KFC on West North Avenue. Looking much like the fetching young lass pictured here, they drew curious inquiries from local police and rubbernecking from passing motorists. The article didn’t bother to explain why PETA is claiming KFC tortures chickens, but investigative journalism has never been The Examiner’s forte. The editors must have thought it would be enough to report the event and move on.

They thought wrong.

The overexposed picture and accompanying story proclaims, “Protesters Bare All” and “The Naked Truth.” Reporter, Kelly Carson, describes the two ladies as “nude protesters.” However, one astute reader quickly pointed out that the women wore pasties, underwear, and high-heeled shoes. They could not be “nude” as reported because they covered the private areas of their bodies with accepted articles of clothing.

Hmmm. The last time I looked in the dictionary, nude was defined as “naked or unclothed.” These rabblerousers were neither. Therefore, I have to agree with astute reader. The description of them as ”nude” was inaccurate and/or misleading. One would hope not to find such carelessness in a publication seeking regional recognition, but there is such a long list of things one would not hope to find, why quibble here?

I’ll tell you why. Journalists have a moral duty and ethical obligation to report just the facts, not their personal opinions. They are supposed to be held to a higher standard. Unless Carson meant to include a snide reference to their teeth, these women did not in fact “bare all.” I have no problem with the use of “The Naked Truth,” a reference to their protest banner, as a subheading for the article, but don’t expect me to believe they were actually nude.

Sexy or not, the real story was whether KFC tortures poultry before serving it up hot and spicy or with a blend of seven secret ingredients. Today, The Examiner had a chance to truly distinguish itself from the local rag. On this account, it failed miserably.