Hillary Clinton PUMAs Sense McCain Facade

If the kingdom's pundits are to be believed, on the eve of the Republican National Convention the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits lies in tatters as wild-eyed untamed PUMAs* frantically pace nearby.

Starved out of their minds and thirsting once and for all to shatter the bane of their embattled existence, they diligently point flared nostrils to the wind, yearning for the faint whiff of politically charged estrogen. For the smell of this elixir would instantly transform the mange-ridden pack into a proud, free, brave coalition of yesteryear, a dream team so close to propelling their once fearless leader through a barrier to hallowed ground, they could taste the side of hash browns, eggs, and steaming coffee served a la Lincoln's bedroom on a tray.

But alas, it was not meant to be. And so, the PUMAs pace, all the while biding their time unable to bond with the anointed one.

Now lo and behold, the Republicans offer a bone. A comely female pure and true, politically charged with no less than an entire state at her command! Wafting estrogen permeates the air, its charge so electrical the packs' downy hairs stand straight on end.

"This is who you've been waiting for," cry the Republicans, "What a grand example of femalehood and she is yours, all yours for the taking."

If the kingdom's pundits are to be believed, the PUMAs pounce, jumping ship from the callous party who ripped the fibers from their very souls. Instinctively, they greet the comely mistress, abandoning the sisterhood of traveling pantsuits lying crumbled in a heap of ruined dreams. They shall embrace her as one of their own, heaving high above their shoulders her glorious promise of future prosperity. She alone shall ride the crest of their fallen hearts. For she, this maiden savior, is their one true hope, their battering ram to height of promise. She alone will lead them to coveted hallowed grounds with open arms and glad tidings of joy.

Only their proud new mistress is not alone. She has hitched a ride on the coattails of a haughty prancing steed.

And in that brief instant, as they eye the prancing steed, the PUMAs see the comely mistress as she truly is. A lowly handmaiden to the bellowing behemoth disguising its maverick airs in a cloak of conservatism. She is female, yes, and politically charged, 'tis true, but in the time it takes to bat an eye, the PUMAs see beyond the estrogen, the comeliness, and her bewitching wiles. Their glassy eyes fill with terror as the yokes of bondage with which the pageant beauty queen wishes to enslave come clearly into view.

No right to choose.

No equal parity with pay.

No sons or daughters exiting Iraq.

No stopping the erosion of Fourteenth Amendment rights.

The PUMAs flee in horror, tails squarely between their legs. They have seen the cloak of conservatism like a bolt of lightening across the dead of night. The comely female is nothing more than a shapely facade harboring shackles of their putrid past. The noble PUMAs have fought too hard, too long to throw each hard-earned victory to the wind.

The pageant beauty queen may break through the glass ceiling, but at what price, the PUMAs muse. They are too smart, too wise to speak the answer aloud.

Hungry and starved as they may be to break through the glass ceiling of oppression, they lick their wounds and return to whence they came. Among the faithful, they reluctantly embrace the anointed. Safe in the bosom of political principles supporting the foundation on which they stand. After all, their once fearless leader did give her scared blessing to the cause.

The sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits may now lie in tatters, but one day it too shall rise. Perhaps not in the form they once envisioned, but with politically charged estrogen, that much is clear. On that day, the PUMAs shall resurrect the pantsuits on their terms, on principles they hold near and dear, by one who is truly of their own kind.

Not a crock of conservatism cloaking an unwieldy steed.

*party unity my ass

Gertrude's Saddle

Even 3 hours away from Dunedin we had a difficult time finding a hotel room. The difficulty seemed to be standard on the South Island, which was kind of surprising since we never had any problems on the North Island. In Te Anau we used an i-station to find out that the only place that we could stay was basically a large hostel in a trailer campground. We had to get two different dormitory rooms, albeit next to each other and use a communal shower/bathroom area. It wasn't that bad, except that at about 2am some idiot who was probably smoking in their room managed to set off a fire alarm and the whole place had to be evacuated for ten minutes. I was glad i was wearing earplugs, because it was still incredibly loud.



We didn't get a great night of sleep but we were still excited to get back into Fjordlands. We had decided to do a hike with the terrible name of "Gertrude's Saddle." Normally if you asked me if i wanted to go to Gertrude's Saddle i would respond with a comment that only obliquely made sense, if at all, like "Do i look like Bertha?" I didn't know anything about the hike except where it started and that on the vague map it looked like it was less than 4 miles, maybe only a little more than two. In fact, i still don't know how long it is because every description of the hike lists it in terms of time (4 to 6 hours) instead of distance! According to more precise maps it looks closer to 2 miles in length, but is extremely steep after the first mile as it ascends close to 1,900 feet the second mile. Later i found out it's classified as "hard." It's fun though because it gets so steep you have to use these metal cables that are bolted into the rock so you don't fall back down.





The hike starts off near the Homer Tunnel, and the high alpine area, right at treeline, is home to the only alpine parrot in the world (at least that's what they tell me). The Kea was really cool, and there were lots of them hanging out tearing up the weather stripping of car windows and doors. They did it gleefully. And people thought it was cute and took pictures of the cute little guys destroying someones vehicle.








There was no way this Kea was letting anyone get near his awesome orange traffic cone.

Once again we walked through bizarre, interesting vegetation. It got hot fast. The dark rocks bake the valley floors like an oven. I appreciated the few patches of trees we passed through, and the initial shade. It was soon clear the hike was not going to be as easy as i thought. It seemed not to be maintained, even though it looked very popular. In no time at all the trail started doing annoying things like constantly splitting into numerous intermittent paths that wasted energy as the wrong ones were often chosen.

As i mentioned earlier, the first mile was slowly but steadily uphill, until the back of the valley was reached. Then it rose sharply up the side of the mountain, typically following a water drainage up to a high valley. The drainage area was similar to the Sierra Nevadas. Water slipped down wide expanses of smooth, bare stone. Things began to get large scale, and it was supremely nice day. I drew on the photos so you can see what i mean.


This monolithic cliff, athough it doesn't look it in this sucky picture, is 1,000 feet high and a mile wide.









Eventually the smooth rock faces became so steep as to be dangerous. At that point metal cables made an appearance. They were useful, particularly for going downhill. I imagine if it was icy it would be necessary to clip in to avoid dying.







We got up to a place called Black Lake where Maree called it quits. Her back was still bothering her, and carrying her pack up to that point had really irritated it. So i continued on up more smooth slabs with cables and then across a boulder field, until the trail suddenly ended. "Sudden" because the trail stops without warning at the edge of an enormous cliff.


Wow. I was not expecting this view. I'd been staring at walls of rock all morning, always going up hill, and then the top of the hill was actually the end of the mountain. I could finally see the tops of many of the nearby peaks. The exhibited a weird uniformity. The forest canopy was 3,000 feet below me (i was as high as El Capitan, in California).


A hiker stands near the precipice. The grass in the foreground on the right side of the image is actually the very edge of the cliff. I was leaning back against a rock wall to avoid falling off while i took the picture. It was scary. Depth perception and perspective are screwy looking because those streams below are literally straight down below. The wide angle of view is making it more exaggerated.

People coming down kept saying it was a spectacular view. They were right. The view was down a valley that connected to the main valley we had driven down the day before. That is, unless i was looking at the main valley and yesterday we had been in a side valley. I could see all the way to the ocean in Milford Sound. Thick tundra and grass continued to the very edge of the cliff, which was one of the reasons you couldn't see it coming until you were there.




Some of the new type of tundra i was walking on up on the saddle.


I walked up one side of the saddle to take a VR above this lake. At this point, looking back at the opposite side of the valley we had come from, the mountain tops looked within reach, if only there was a way to get to them.

I ate some lunch, explored the area to take a VR and started running back. More running, yes, because i knew i had taken some time and Maree would be tired of waiting for me. I got back down to Black Lake without blowing out my knees but Maree was gone, so i kept going without stopping. On the way down i performed this cool maneuver to pass a group of about 6 Germans on some steep crumbly, partially wet mountainside. I guess that was a mistake. When i was about 30 feet below them, they got all excited at started yelling gibberish. I thought WTF? and looked up at them, just in time to see softball size rock whizzing down at my head. I was not in a place where i could simply jump out of the way. It landed on top of my foot and it hurt pretty bad. So, think twice before you pass a bunch of fast hiking Germans, or they might try to kill you.


Maree was no longer waiting here. In this shot you can see one of the cables, right above the letter "I" at the beginning of this sentence. Again, this is a very wide angle shot so you can't tell how steep it is.




Some of the neat plants on the valley floor.


After this point we entered patches of trees pictured here. They provided cool shade and momentary refuge from the blazing bright sun. The road is over there at the base of the mountain, a dark line in the greener colored trees.



We got back to the car with just enough time to drive for three hours so we could get to Queenstown right at sunset. It was a great day. I didn't know till i was writing this blog that Queenstown, although a three hour drive, is only 35 miles in a straight line from the road that goes through Fiordlands!

Madonna's an Old Fart, Sheridan Bolton have No Heart, and HBO Series 'Entourage' Gets Off to a Great Start

Between last week and this week, life went horribly awry. Both the dryer and the upstairs toilet broke, leaving a small army's worth of smelly towels and rugs. Got a sunburn to die for while recuperating from a face first dive beneath the sea. Slam went the boogie board as my nose followed bloodied and bruised. Oh, and there's no justice in America. Try sitting in a courtroom all day pleading for mercy only to have the stinking judge throw the book and kitchen sink at one very misguided relative. Despite my best intentions to make this a daily, once again, it's the weekly Wrap of Crap.



Sticky and sweet may have deeper significance for popfart Madonna. Explicitly lewd love letters and photographs expressing her penchant for spanking may be part of a February exhibition entitled "Simply Madonna: Materials of the Girl." From the same slut who brought us the offensively raunchy coffee table book SEX, comes the threat of legal action if former lover Jame Albright puts her oh so private materials on display.

Oh hooray. Speaking of Madonna, we can all stop worrying about her very public feud with Sir Elton John. It's over. The Goodbye Yellow Brick Road crooner was spotted along with musician Bono enthusiastically clapping at her Sticky and Sweet performance in Nice, France.

It's deja vu all over again. Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have once again called it quits. The couple dated for five years before ending their relationship in 1997, then became engaged in March, 2006. Seems to me like a revolving door of domestic tranquility with someone balking at walking down the aisle.

Los Angeles based 220 Laboratories is suing actress Kate Hudson for revealing its secret hair care ingredient to competitor David Babaii. Hudson allegedly made a verbal agreement to promote the company's line of products before letting the cat out of the bag. A representative for Hudson denies all accusations.

By now, everyone knows about the trials and tribulations of "Valkyrie," the expected Christmas Day turkey. Twelve extras are suing Tom Cruise and his production company United Artists for $11 million, alleging negligence and personal injury. The cast members suffered broken bones, cuts, pulled ligaments and bruises when the side panel of an antique German army truck flew open. Plaintiffs' lawyer claims the truck had not been properly secured. Might explain why Cruise and former business partner Paula Wagner recently parted ways.

He knows they're out there. That's probably why The X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny entered a rehab facility for treatment of a sex addiction. Never mind whatever threats of divorce may or may not have been made by fellow actor and wife, Tea Leoni. Both parties have pleaded for privacy during this extremely painful time for their family.

Fans who attended Neil Diamond's Ohio State University concert on Monday, August 25th may request a refund from now until September 5th. The "Sweet Caroline" singer suffered acute laryngitis, making his voice sound raspy during the performance.

The Broadway production of Grease will get another infusion of American Idol lubricant. Season 5 performer Ace Young will play Kenickie from September 9th through January 18th, joining the cast just as Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks exits his role as teen angel.

Illegal downloads will land you in jail. Honestly, they're not worth it. At the very least, don't be like this poor sap. If you ever need a deterrent, look at the FBI turning the life of 27-year old Kevin Cogill upside down. The blogger, who is suspected of streaming songs from the unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, must pay a $10,000 fine and appear for a September 17th preliminary hearing to answer charges of felony copyright infringement.

Attention all tweeny boppers and the parents who lavish them with love and affection. Verizon Wireless and Samsung are running a contest with the top prize of a Bahamas vacation with The Jonas Brothers. For details, visit the official site.

The HBO hit series Entourage will team up in a big way with Virgin America. From now until the end of September, flights from New York to Las Vegas will be renamed "Entourage Air." Lucky fans on the September 4th flight will receive free swag and get to watch the premiere. The airline will also rename their first class seating "Entourage Class."

We're Not in Monopoly Any More

Gawkers and rubberneckers have a field day. Queen's bishop calls for paparazzi moratorium.

Jodie Marsh Hogs Red Carpet Roundup

A fourth judge will join American Idol when the program returns in January, 2009. Kara DioGuardi appeared in New York for a promotional event with fellow judges Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell, and Randy Jackson. According to producer Simon Fuller, the format change is supposed to bring "a new level of energy and excitement to the show."


The 65th Annual Venice Film Festival kicked off with a screening of "Burn After Reading," a dark comedy from the madcap Coen Brothers featuring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, and Frances McDormand. The farcical spy movie is one of only five American entries competing for the Golden Lion, the Festival's top honor for best picture. Organizers blame fallout from last year's writers strike.


Brendan Fraser greeted fans at the premiere of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in Sydney, Australia. The movie, starring Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah, Michelle Yeoh and Aussie actor Luke Ford, opens down under on September 11th.


Daylight Robbery premiered at the UK's Apollo West End Cinema with reality star Jodie Marsh hogging the limelight. Actually, that's not all she was hogging. The film follows a group of English football fans using the World Cup as a bank robbery cover.


Star power is in full bloom at The Democratic National Convention. Sighted in Denver: Annette Bening, Spike Lee, Kal Penn, Cyndi Lauper, Anne Hathaway, Sheryl Crow, Danny Glover, John Legend, Dave Matthews, Pete Wentz, Ben Affleck, Alan Cumming, Tim Daly, Josh Lucas, Susan Sarandon, Rachel Leigh Cook, and stars of The GRAMMY's Rock The Convention Concert.



American Idol host Ryan Seacrest rang the New York Stock Exchange closing bell on Tuesday. NYSE Euronext Executive Vice President Larry Leibowitz joined Seacrest for the final gavel. Stocks ended mixed on concerns about the path of Hurricane Gustav, offsetting a better than expected reading on consumer confidence.

Transsexual Will Compete on America's Next Top Model

On September 3rd, America's Next Top Model will showcase fourteen young ladies in the competition of a lifetime. The usual suspects return for a two hour premiere to kick off the grueling reality program. Girls will eat together, sleep together, and compete together, all before a television audience.

As always, one lucky contestant will win a lucrative cosmetics deal, Elite Model Management contract, and Seventeen Magazine cover. This season, the competition was especially fierce. Thousands turned out in cities all over America for a handful of coveted spots. Tyra Banks called contestant Isis "Amazing!" Other people call her something entirely different.

A former man.

From the show that brought us transvestite, autistic, lesbian, and plus-size women comes the last bit of barrier breaking. Transsexuals. Can a woman trapped in a man's body subsequently transformed into a woman convince Tyra Banks that she deserves the top prize? More importantly, is the show selecting these young women as part of a drive toward political correctness or to increase TV ratings?

There is something bothersome about a thin but not especially striking transsexual winning an exclusive spot over thousands of other women who applied to be on the show. Some applaud her selection as ground breaking, taking risks other programs not dare for fear of negative backlash. Others believe these castings are nothing more than exploitation, a way to parade around people with unusual characteristics like a circus freak show.

How do you feel about ANTM allowing a transsexual to compete on Cycle 11?

Keely Bares Icky, Madonna Tour Sticky, and Phelps Gets Wicky

Pierce Brosnan's wife, Keely Shaye Smith, gets tongues wagging by going boogie boarding in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny very mismatched blue bikini.

Director Christopher Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman in his next Batman movie may already come with a lifetime supply of whips and masks. Rumor has it that Cher is in negotiations to join the tentatively titled "Caped Crusader" film which begins shooting in Vancouver early next year.

France's new First Lady may be with child. Speculation is running rampant after paparazzi photographed President Nicolas Sarkozy affectionately patting Carla Bruni's rounded tummy during a seaside vacation.

Celebrate the Sweet 16 of Miley Cyrus at Disneyland this October. Be the first of 5,000 outrageously ga-ga fans to splurge $250 a ticket, and you too can party like a teenage rock star. Tickets go on sale August 30th at 9 a.m.

Sticky and sweet doesn't do justice to these photographs from Madonna's new world tour. The 50-year old pop sensation still has the moves of a woman half her age. Go Madge!

Could Jennifer Love Hewitt be getting cold feet? After shedding 18 pounds, the Ghost Whisperer star postponed her wedding to Sottish fiance Ross McCall, claiming different shooting schedules caused a strain on their relationship.

A hospital reportedly run by Celebrity Rehab star Dr. Drew Pinsky is under investigation. Within the past five months, three patients have died under mysterious conditions at the Pasadena facility.

To kick off Rock The Vote's voter registration drive, singer Sheryl Crow will give away digital copies of her new album Detours to the first 50,000 people who register three friends to vote. People who log on to the Rock the Vote website or join the group mailing list can also get a free download of her new song, Gasoline.

Before the Olympics wrapped, there was Olympic freestyle. Or maybe it was doggie style. No joke. Read all the sordid details direct from an Olympic insider.

Sure, everyone wanted to see photographs of Fred Phelps, estranged father of Olympic superstar Michael Phelps. But now comes word that Michael bought a multi-million dollar Baltimore condominium, snagged a book deal, AND is snogging fellow Olympian, the "racy Aussie dolphin" Stephanie Rice. Bet Fred must be kicking himself about now.

Buddhism and Homosexuality.

According to the ancient Indian understanding, homosexuals were thought of simply as being 'the third nature' (tritiya prakti), rather than as perverted, deviant or sick. With its emphasis on psychology and cause and effect, Buddhism judges acts, including sexual acts, primarily by the intention (cetana) behind them and the effect they have.

We will now briefly examine the various objections to homosexuality and give Buddhist rebuttals to them. The most common Christian and Muslim objection to homosexuality is that it is unnatural and "goes against the order of nature". There seems to be little evidence for this. Miriam Rothschild, the eminent biologist who played a crucial role in the fight to decriminalize homosexuality in Britain, pointed out at the time that homosexual behaviour has been observed in almost every known species of animal. Secondly, it could be argued that while the biological function of sex is reproduction, most sexual activity today is not for reproduction, but for recreation and emotional fulfillment, and that this too is a legitimate function of sex.

Theravada Buddhist countries like Sri Lanka and Burma had no legal statutes against homosexuality between consenting adults until the colonial era when they were introduced by the British. Thailand, which had no colonial experience, still has no such laws. This had led some Western homosexuals to believe that homosexuality is quite accepted in Buddhist countries of South and South-east Asia. This is certainly not true. In such countries, when homosexuals are thought of at all, it is more likely to be in a good-humored way or with a degree of pity. Certainly the loathing, fear and hatred that the Western homosexual has so often had to endure is absent and this is due, to a very large degree, Buddhism's humane and tolerant influence. This has not always been the case though as the Dalai Lama and Tibetan Buddhism has had a different view on homosexuality.

At a press conference in 1997 the Dalai Lama said; 'From a Buddhist point of view (lesbian and gay sex)...is generally considered sexual misconduct.' As soon as he realized what he had done he immediately back-peddled. He called a meeting with gay and lesbian representatives, during which he expressed the 'willingness to consider the possibility that some of the teachings may be specific to a particular cultural and historic context'.

The truth is that while the Dalai Lama is one of the kindest people imaginable, he is also a very traditional Tibetan in many ways – and traditional Tibetan culture, like most cultures, has very skewed and confused ideas about homosexuality. Tibetan Buddhism does not derive its ideas about homosexuality from the earliest teachings of the Buddha but from Mahayana sutras and sastras, the earliest of which dates from approximately 500 year after the Buddha. By this time Indian Buddhists were being influenced by various popular Indian notions and incorporating them into their understanding of the Dhamma; sometimes with not very happy results. One such notion was the idea that sexual acts could be judged right or wrong depending on 'place, person and orifice.'

Exactly how does the law of kamma distinguish one orifice from another? Other problems arise when we realize that many male homosexuals practice intercural sex and mutual masturbation rather than penetrative sex. And exactly which sexual organ do lesbians use to penetrate the vagina of their partner? The Dalai Lama is also reported to have said that he had difficulty imagining the mechanics of homosexual sex, saying that nature had arranged male and female organs 'in such a manner that is very suitable...same-sex organs cannot manage well.'

With all due respect to the Dalai Lama, and I do have the highest respect for him, this statement shows both his ignorance and naivety concerning sex, and I might add, of some aspects of the Dhamma as well. What on earth have Buddhist ethical judgments got to do with two body-parts fitting together 'properly' or not? I often clean my ear with my finger despite it not fitting into my ear canal very well. Does this mean I make negative kamma every time I clean my ear?

James: And we must remember that monks have their own sexual code that has more restrictions than for the laity.

~Peace to all beings~

Gwen Stefani Gives Birth and Other Mundane Celebrity Gossip

This feature is sometimes known as Mo' Gossip.

Zuma Nesta Rock joins big bro, Kingston James McGregor as the second son of rockers Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Stefani gave birth by C-section early Thursday afternoon at Cedars Sinai Medical Hospital in Los Angeles. Although Nesta sounds like a nod to reggae great Bob Marley, the game loving Kingston actually may have helped name the new addition.

"The accusation is dangerous, defamatory and blatantly untrue. Victoria takes her position as a role model to young women very seriously and is horrified by this hurtful, fabricated story." So says Posh Spice's agent Jo Milloy amidst published reports that the diminuitive pop diva and fashion goddess secretly indulges in diet pills smuggled by her sister to stay a slim size zero. Beckham is considering legal action against British tabloid Now Magazine.

Don't get the wrong idea, gossip hounds. Woody Allen ingenue Scarlett Johansson is delaying her marriage to actor Ryan Reynolds until after the presidential election. Twin brother Hunter is so busy working on Barack Obama's campaign, the couple has decided to wait until his calendar is clear.

Fans left The Tyra Banks Show in a huff. The brains behind America's Next Top Model let her audience wait for almost two hours while she shot the breeze with staff and friends behind stage. During the taping she made the audience go outside to release balloons in honor of black models. Seems no one was in much of a mood to comply.

Yep. That's it. Sorry so short, but time constraints on this end. Tune in again for the daily Wrap of Crap.

Barack Obama Has Chosen A Running Mate

The skinny guy with big ears has picked a running mate. Only he and a very exclusive group of "need-to-knows" possess the privately held extremely secure top secret information.

Dare I hint that perhaps moi has the inside track? Does "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you" ring any cliches?

Wouldn't you like to know?

As people hanging their hats on McCain's experience, Republicans sticking with the party no matter what, and pinch hitters of every other allegiance dance with glee over the latest poll results, Senator Barack Obama is quietly building a media storm. The swirl has become overwhelming. Like a gaggle of hungry paparazzi, hordes of reporters tail not only Obama's every move, but every move of suspected running mates. It's hard not to get caught up in the frenzy.

Imagine the unfolding scenario.

In a smoke-filled room at Presumptive Democrat Nominee Headquarters behind closed doors, a high level casting call has been made. That Campaign Obama was able to conduct the selection process without anyone getting wind of it is an amazing feat in and of itself.

"Send in the one with the estrogen, we need a woman on the ticket!"

"Nah. Won't command enough respect. Talked too much about out of body experiences. Next!"

"Liking the one with thirty-five years of Congressional experience. He's our man. Definitely! Has to be him. What? He lost brownie points during his last photo shoot with our star? Lacks chemistry? Next!"

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine is certainly playing his cards close to the vest. When asked whether he would be traveling to Springfield, Illinois for Obama's official announcement of a running mate, Kaine responded that he and his family would be traveling to Denver for the Democrat National Convention.

But when asked whether his flight might have a layover in middle America, Kaine just smiled and let the cameras flash away.

The surge is working. At a roasted peanut store in Emporia, Virginia, Obama running mate buzz is working over the MSM like a viral vid. People are scrambling to join the short list of those who will learn Obama's choice by text message prior to the Springfield announcement.

How much prior? The campaign isn't saying. But the ploy is marketing genius. Guaranteed, it's all anyone in the media will talk about until the text message is leaked. Exactly what the campaign is counting upon.

Bravo!

For the record, no one is stalking moi. But maybe they should be. I'm not at liberty to explain why. But in less than twenty-four hours, it won't matter.

Then we can all get back to the business of electing a president.


Update: Congratulations, Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Obama couldn't have picked a stronger party candidate.

That's One Coyote Ugly Beehive

Oh my Lord, will someone please explain what Wynonna Judd was thinking?!

That outfit has to be one of the ugliest couture gowns ever known to mankind. Where on earth did she find it? In the trash can at Loehmans?

I'm not just saying this to rag on the anorexically-challenged, but the Amy Winehouse motif is not very flattering. Sorry, but that look only works for skinny nothing crack whores ... people like ... uh .... Amy Winehouse. The Reject of Rehab's beehive and smoldering cigarette are so out of place on Wynonna.

On the other hand, Wy is looking way toned, don't you think. Definitely an improvement...

...if you can overlook the hideous two-toned platforms.

And realize the "gal" on stage is actually actor Jason Biggs performing a la transvestite at the Third Annual Hot in Hollywood charity benefit. The event raises money for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation in Los Angeles.

Buh-bye, Miss American Pie.

Loudmouth Roseanne Thinks Jon Voight Endorsement Controls Outcome of Election

Roseanne Barr was once so famous she didn't need a last name.

The once rotund TV star made her way into all the best restaurants, exclusive night clubs, luxury hotel suites, and fabulous parties just by mentioning her highly rated sitcom, Roseanne. The comedienne formerly known as "Domestic Goddess" had no need to be concerned with other "Rosies" of that era.

Roseanna Arquette, a similarly sounding supernova, had a popular song named after her and an extra "a" thrown in for good measure (not that Big Bertha and the comely Arquette shared anything remotely in common). The next possible contender was a hilarious figment of Gilda Radner's imagination, leaving a wide open field for anyone wanting to grab the moniker as their own.

And grab she did, longingly, loudly, greedily, and above all obnoxiously. Practically everyone knew the women's name whenever conspicuous consumption of food preceded emissions of a slightly nasal twang.

I'd be hard pressed to think of other famous Roseannes, but you're welcome to try. Bear in mind that Rosie O'Donnell didn't land her breakout role in A League of Their Own until 1992, while Roseanne peaked at number one by 1989.

Lucy, Elvis, Twiggy, Donovan, Cher, Liberace, Oprah, Madonna, Dolly, Iman, these were the one-word name chic pioneers of the day. Paving the way for upstarts like Roseanne to one day assume the mantel. Lord knows throughout the years she's given everyone their money's worth. Starting with the raunchy stand-up routine leading to a nationally syndicated TV show and one-way ticket out of white trash hell, Roseanne has been huge, both figuratively and literally.

At a time when Hollywood had little use for women the size of Shelley Winters, her massive girth set mouths agape. Hardly anyone thought Hollywood would embrace such a morbidly obese loudmouth. Yet time and time again, Roseanne proved them wrong. By playing wife and mother to a mid-western family as that family would likely exist in the late 1980s, Rosie and co-star John Goodman shattered long-held beliefs of the modern American family, swiftly consigning images of the perfect family from earlier shows like Leave It to Beaver and Father Knows Best to a bygone time.

But Roseanne paid a price for all that candor. Part of her charm was telling it like it is, not the way network executives wanted to whitewash it. Tempers flared, writers quit, and eventually the show was cancelled, perhaps a year or two before its time. But none too soon for network hoohas who couldn't wait for the 800 pound gorilla in the room to leave the building.

Since then, for the most part, Roseanne's career has veered steadily downhill, resting at almost a complete standstill. Her personal life didn't fare much better. After divorcing first husband Bill Pentland and bringing newcomer Tom Arnold into the fold, she embarked upon a series of disgustingly inappropriate talk show appearances, sometimes with Arnold in tow, sometimes not, but always going too far in the "Ewwwwww, I can't believe she just said/did that" department. The marriage flopped after four years. She then married Ben Thomas, her security guard, but that marriage lasted only seven.

Perhaps one of Roseanne's more notorious faux pas was making an idiotic spectacle of herself at a San Diego Padres game opener.

You can't see it in this video, but she clutches her own crotch, makes an offensive gesture, and spits on the ground at the end. Again, hordes of people couldn't wait to see her exit stage left.

This brief history of the mammoth one -- who by the way underwent gastric bypass surgery and finally slimmed down to a very palatable size 10 -- is due to recent reactions against the inexplicable political tirade posted on her personal blog. Many again sit with mouths agape reading her scathing attack against actors Jon Voight, Glen Beck, Brangelina and six innocent children.

Believe it or not, I sort of understand where she's coming from. Roseanne is frustrated For days, the pundits have been making the presidential election about poll numbers rather than policy. Depending upon the polling institution, McCain is pulling ahead of Obama in some scattered areas throughout the country. News like that has got to make a person like Roseanne flip-out. Pitiful shame too because poll results are notoriously unreliable.

The way I see it, her infamous blog entry will forever confirm Roseanne's permanent place in la-la land. Then again, I can't say I blame her. She only did what millions of bloggers across the globe do each morning in the hope of reaching a mass audience. Granted, as a famous one word name former TV star, she has somewhat of a head start. Roseanne is not much different than the rest of us armchair pundits, kicking out thought provoking rants and hoping for link love.

'The neocons who own jon voight and make him dance on the chabad telethons are the worst most elitist people on earth. glen beck and jon voight are their bit**es... both of them are used tampons who must be flushed down the toilet immediately!' she rants like a foaming lunatic.
...

Addressing Brangelina on the fly, she adds, '...McCain wants to continue with the idea of war for profit...the americans are over that thinking now! They have drugged our troops and lower classes into supporting their oil business atrocities for long enough. We want to save not lose our souls thank you. Now go back to making your movies about women who love to handle big guns that shoot hundreds of people to death. Ps....it might be good for your asian and african children's self esteem to know you support a brown man for the leader of the free world.)'

Jon Voight must be rubber and Roseanne glue. From what I can glean, she's the only one suffering any humiliation from her brief foray into insanity.

I don't like the way she browbeats Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, using their multi-cultural family as bait, but then it doesn't surprise me. If I recall correctly, Roseanne was one of the first people in Hollywood to ridicule cross-race adoptions. Probably around the time Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman adopted their son, Roseanne made a crude remark about the adoption of "black babies" as status symbol.

To his credit, Voight issued a tame public rebuttal. Now if we all sit very quietly holding our collective breath, the former domestic goddess may just slither away and reoccupy her place away from the limelight for another ten years.

[Source]

Book Review, "Footprints in the Snow: The Autobiography of a Chinese Buddhist Monk."

Publicist Adrienne Biggs was kind enough to send me an advanced copy of the book, "Footprints in the Snow: The Autobiography of a Chinese Buddhist Monk." That monk being Ch'an Master Sheng Yen. The first thing that I was struck with in reading this book was how thoughtful and sensitive Master Sheng Yen is. He comes across in this book as a very kind person whom you'd enjoy listening to for hours and he has led a very eventful life being born to a poor farming family, joining the military, living in Taiwan and finally his monastic life. With a wonderful part on visiting Japan.

It was very fascinating for me to read his journey as a monk because I have always been curious about that life. I must say though that I was disturbed by some of the training techniques. His Master would make him do, undo and the redo things over and over, day after day. He made him stack, re-stack and then unstack a pile of bricks for days on end. He also berated him with (what seems to my unenlightened mind) unproductive criticism such as calling him stupid and other insults that I would not expect from a Buddhist master.

Sheng Yen said that it taught him patience and that he needed to go through that to purify his karma but what of the karma of the Master? Is not that kind of violent speech accumulating negative karma for himself? I think there are better ways to teach patience but I'm not a monastic, nor a Master monk and I come from a western mind frame so perhaps I'm missing something. Perhaps Sheng Yen needed to go through that to pay off a karmic debt to his master from a past life? I don't know.

And yet he says in the book, "Religious experience is not enlightenment" so he does understand that no matter what the religious training we must ultimately realize enlightenment on our own.

Just one of the profound parts of the book occurs while Sheng Yen is in the military in Taiwan. He writes to one of his teachers, Master Nanting complaining that he has little freedom in the military and the Master relpies, "Who has freedom in this world? As long as there is the body, there is no freedom."

All in all though this book was a great read. It was neat to see the inner details of the monastic life in the Ch'an tradition. Sheng Yen writes with such beauty in his vivid descriptions and his attention to detail is amazing. He writes in a way that makes you feel as though you are reliving every bit of his life with him. The last few words of the book were perhaps the most profound for me, "Now it is time to let go."

~Peace to all beings~

Silly Haikus With Slice of Celebrity Gossip

Every now and then, a circuit trips. A glitch in the well-oiled machine. We interrupt this celebrity politics blog for a quick trip to the gas pump and massive replenishing of the wallet. In the meantime, enjoy my mental breakdown.

Good gawd, look at you
Somebody finally snapped
Blue is your color

No idea whether this facockte shockwave will load in your browser. Thrown in for good measure. Cheers!

Hey girlfriend, you rock
Kiss kiss. Paris sends regrets
That's so yesterday




Let the Sunshine in
Oh wait, she walked out the door
You can still save face



Sadly, after three years of dating and less than eight weeks of marriage, SNL alum Chris Kattan and model Sunshine Tutt are on a hard break. Can they find a way back to happily ever after? Guess it's back to the salt mines.

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama Supporters to Steal This Video

Gwyneth Paltrow is putting her weight, what little of it there is, firmly behind the Democrats by urging those abroad to request overseas ballot.

Clearly, Paltrow is endorsing presumptive nominee Barack Obama, although Vote From Abroad.org does not require Democrat affiliation as a prerequisite for obtaining a ballot.

Presumably, any registered overseas voter can request an absentee ballot, increasing the likelihood that Paltrow's video will do nothing more than create a wash. Republican counter-voting is a likely possibility of publication. I'm sure there are more.

What exactly will the Democrats gain through promotion of the video? A good feeling inside? Reaffirmed self-esteem? A chance to lose by thin margins?

Speaking of pain with no gain, Paltrow is taking a beating on a different front these days. The Director of Respect for Animals, Mark Glover, made mincemeat of her decision to promote Italian designer Tod's new collection. Poor little rich girl appeared in the designer's new advertising campaign totally pimped out in fox fur and fur lined-boots.

"Gwyneth Paltrow should be ashamed," laments Glover. "I can only assume that Paltrow either is ignorant of the facts or lacks human decency and compassion."

I've got my money on the former. Any day from now, Paltrow will issue a sketchy press release suggesting the designer constructed her particular garments from recyclable plastic. That or she was too busy saving her marriage to be concerned with the piddly details.

Wouldn't be surprised in the least if a rabid protester drenches her overseas ballot in pigs' blood before she gets a chance to make it count.

Jonas Brothers Spark White House Fever and Wax Probing

Imagine you're a member of the White House Press Corps, ready to rumble your otherwise humdrum existence with a vetting of the President's Press Secretary when suddenly a gaggle of teen magazine and entertainment news reporters descend upon the room, complete with teeny-boppers in tow.

Many of the over thirty crowd had no idea who had rolled into town. But don't count sexagenarian Dick Cheney among them. The colorful V.P. brought his grandchildren to work yesterday for the chance to meet The Jonas Brothers, one of the hottest musical acts in America.

Can you guess which fans smell of oil holdings and hunting rifles?

Neither can I. But that never stopped me from ridiculing blatant nepotism.

Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas arrived in the nation's capital to attend a public briefing on diabetes and tape a National Parks public service announcement. White House officials later ushered the band into a downstairs area to sign a little known wall of with celebrity autographs.

Well look at that. The most powerful men in the free world get star struck just like the rest of us. Only difference is they can scratch their inner stalker any time with a trip to the underground Grauman's Chinese Theatre Mini-Me. Try constructing something like that in your basement.

Joe Jonas seemed especially humbled to add his signature to the prestigious collection of celebrity ink scratchings.

"There's other names up there that are just astounding, some of our favorite artists and politicians," he said. "But it's going to be really cool to see that in 10 years, 20 years from now."

Watch raw footage of The Jonas Brothers news conference here

From there, it was on to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum for the unveiling of their "yummy dummies." Fans hungrily groped the fakes long after the boys made their exit.

In and around Washington, lucky bystanders took advantage of the opportunity to rub elbows with the Camp Rock stars.

Just goes to show when it comes to fashion, these guys could still use some styling. If not for the matching wedding singer shoes, I'd be willing to bet it was the doppelganger gripping the mike.

[Source]

Selena Gomez Rocks Ur Vote Counts

I never thought I'd be writing something like this, but praise gawd for teen activists like Selena Gomez. The spirited sprite can't even vote in November, but already is making herself useful by assisting Ur Vote Counts in Glendale, California.

Gomez mingled with the "little people," allowing fans to snap pictures as she doled out autographs. Gomez hoped to inspire children to become more politically active by her example.