Man With Bomb Threatens Clinton New Hampshire Headquarters

Hillary knows she's got trouble in the latest polls. That's why she's in Vienna, Virginia today for a Democratic pow-wow rather than her campaign headquarters in Rochester, New Hamphire.

This story is still breaking, so not much to report. Some crazy person with a bomb strapped around his torso burst into Clinton's Rochester campaign headquarters demanding a face to face. Some hostages were released, but according to reports, some innocent campaign workers are still being held inside. Oh wait, now they're saying all the hostages have been released. I certainly hope so.

The rise in these type of incidents for the sake of publicity is despicable. I hope the media doesn't waiver from a description of this looney toon as the "nutjob with salt and pepper hair." Giving this low-life an identity is far too good for him.

Disagree with Clinton's politics, sure, but incidents like this give me the willies.

CNN/YouTube Republican Debate Bathes Candidates in New Light

For people who hadn't yet had an opportunity to watch the top Republican presidential candidates spar, Wednesday's CNN/YouTube debate was an eye opener. As Rudy started blasting his very worthy opponent over illegal domestic help, I swear I saw Romney extend his arm with a certain covert hand gesture. All morning long, I've been poring over Joe Raedle's Getty images. Almost bought one to display here, but the cost far exceeded the blog's monthly income. Editorial image #78138383, third from the bottom of the page clearly indicates some bad vibes going on. If the link ceases to function three years from now, this spewked version essentially conveys the same idea.

Maybe Mormons on the campaign trail aren't as pious as they'd have everyone believe. Romney also appeared somewhat arrogant and a tad too pompous for my tastes. On a personal note, the slick goo in his do reminded me of my father's Brylcreem days. Earth to Mitt. A little dab'll do ya. Not a whole handful.

When the debate eventually reached the inevitable, “WWJD” question, I had to groan. Love how the Republicans had no problem discussing their personal religious beliefs, almost like they fully anticipated such a question. Wonder why inquiries like this never get posed to Democrats? Could it be because they have no place in presidential debates?

Separation of church and state is a fundamental pillar of this nation’s foundation, yet Republicans, especially conservative Republicans, love to interject religious beliefs into political forums. Huckabee’s answer, along the lines of "I think Jesus was too smart to become involved in politics," not only rallied the base, but also gave Huckabee the push he needs in the polls. How ironic that by downplaying the political savvy of one of the biggest rabble rousers in human history, Huckabee miraculously launched himself into the enviable number two spot, albeit, with the number one spot still up for grabs.

Republicans should step back and stop the applause. The Reverend Mike sends the wrong message to non-Christian and atheist Democrats. Shades of Ann Coulter, perhaps? Not scary enough to change my mind about Hillary, but certainly not a formidable enough challenger against other Democratic contenders. In fact, if Huckabee dropped the religious rhetoric, he could easily be a top-tier Democratic candidate.

Huckabee talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. The airwaves, press, and blogosphere are brimming with reports of Huckabee's implicit support of illegal immigration as well as questionable fiscal policy. No wonder this blogger took an immediate shine to Huckabee's record.

Huckabee is emerging as the Hillary of Republicans. From what I understand, he has captivated the hearts and loyalty of many Iowan Republicans. But just like the Hillary Democrats, these voters cannot articulate why.

David Beckham Exchanging Hongis and Who Knows What Else

David Beckham exchanged hongis with local politicians, women in traditional paint, Maori dancers and bare-chested warriors after touching down in Wellington, New Zealand for a soccer exposition. Cultural exchange is a good thing, but these photographs suggest exchanges of something more than just goodwill.
See them do it? An entire soccer team? Sounds kinky.


You’re right, Becks, traveling to the other side of the world in a private jet and playing nosey-nosey with the locals doesn’t happen every day. Wonder what other kinds of welcome you’ve received.

Nervous wife, Posh, may want to reconsider banning Becks from the kick-off of her Spice Girls world tour. Seeing him up close and personal with so many strangers should be far more panic inducing than occasional glimpses in the audience. Better yet, stick him and the boys backstage with a TV monitor.

If he still wants to see what the All Blacks would do, maybe he should paint a little on himself.

On The Road To Santa Cruz

On my road trips to Santa Cruz to surf, I pass by this wind break of Eucalyptus trees that always reminds me of the sentinels that stand guard outside a castle. But then, I have an active imagination. I did a smaller version that I published on the blog about a month ago and this is the final version.
Oil on stretched canvas 16"x20" $425.00 + $10 S&H

Reflections on Meat by a Buddhist Vegetarian

As some of you know, I am a vegetarian and have been for 3 years this past August. It has been interesting to watch my perceptions about meat change over this period of time. At first and for the first two years I didn't really feel sickened when I smelled cooking meat but now I do from time to time. I also sometimes have a hard time looking at raw meat or cooking meat without feeling horrified as if I was looking at human flesh.

The main reason that I decided to become vegetarian was from an immense love of animals and compassion for their suffering. I feel a very deep connection and bond to all sentient beings and feel that eating them is no different then eating my mother.

That being said, I do not, however, look down on those who wish to eat meat nor do I have a problem eating meals with meat eaters. True, I do not like the smell or the idea but I would rather try to focus on the joy of being able to come together and rejoice in the pure presence of others then focus on our differences. Yes, I could turn up my nose and walk out on dinners that serve meat but that is not the middle way. Besides I am sure that I wouldn't (and don't) live up to someone else's standards and we all have to walk our own path and make decisions that seem the most logical to us in adherence to the famous Kalama Sutra. To criticize others for eating meat is less skillful and not conducive to creating and maintaining the environment of peace for all sentient beings including my meat eating friends and family whom I love dearly just as much as any other creature.

I'm not always skillful in my life but then who amongst us is? Which reminds me of something one of my mother's fellow Christian friends said when the subject of perfection came up in a conversation. She said, "You know what they do with perfect people don't you? They crucify them."

Anyway, It has just been interesting to watch my reactions to seeing and smelling meat being cooked. It has been (and continues to be) a fascinating and worthwhile practice in mindfulness. I am still amazed at what a powerful teacher just mindfully watching our lives unfold is to us all.

~Peace to all beings~

A Must Read for All Supporters of Hillary Clinton

I originally wrote the following article exclusively for BlogCritics, but I must say, I have been blown away by the comments. Guess I'm used to civility in a courtroom. People can be so brutal when they don't speak face to face. I'm not one to shy away from controversy, in fact, I rather enjoy it.

But comments like "idiot," "shameful," "ridiculous," "not an iota of brains," and worse have no place in the blogosphere. Let's all just agree to disagree, make our points, and move on, shall we? No need to become personally offensive.

Feel free to post your comments here as well. If possible, keep the venom to a minimum.

Color me woman overboard from the Hillary Express. A lifelong Democrat, I cannot imagine a worse fate for my political party, or for that matter the United States of America, than bringing this ship to port.

Democratic candidates who can win next November do, in fact, exist. Yet, the national news media doesn’t publicize the credentials of candidates like Joe Biden or Chris Dodd. Rather, the media consistently downplays these candidates' political prowess, accomplishments, and admirable experience.

Like some vast left wing conspiracy, media conglomerates and their minions continue to herald Clinton as the clear Democratic frontrunner. Their blatantly obvious bias is not so much indefensible as it is incomprehensible. Hillary is nothing more than one of seven credible challengers perched behind an uncut ribbon at a pre-dawn marathon. Still, the media proclaims she will handily win the nomination as well as the presidency.

It’s time the American people sent a message to the national news media and vote their own minds in the upcoming primaries. Democracy cannot function effectively unless each American formulates and voices an opinion about the candidate who best reflects their individual needs and interests.

I, for one, will not hand Mrs. Clinton my party's nomination on a silver platter. I thumb my nose at media elite, and throw my support behind any other Democratic contender, going so far as to pledge my vote in the general election to the Republican – any Republican – if my party nominates this pathetic excuse for a candidate. Here’s why:

1. Clinton does not have the credentials to lead America. She has no track record of successful management of any large organization. She has never led the charge for successful passage of any consequential legislation. Even liberal Democrats give Hillary a pitiful 60% approval rating for piggyback voting, i.e. a failing grade on legislation Clinton supported but did not initiate.

2. She is ethically unsuitable for the office of president. Clinton will do or say anything to get elected. Her recorded support on opposite sides of the same issue recently came home to roost. This isn’t the first time opponents have caught Hillary in the act of doublespeak. Not long ago, Clinton equivocated her stance on the Iraqi war, stating, “I do not think it is smart strategy to set a date certain.” More recently, she introduced legislation setting a date certain to bring the troops home.

3. Clinton casually employs intimidation, marginalization, and fear of elimination to silence detractors. As first lady, Clinton viciously vilified numerous women levying sexual harassment charges against hubby Bubba. Her disingenuous finger pointing exemplifies the depths she is willing to sink to deflect blame. Had Monicagate not blossomed into a full-blown national scandal, Hillary very well may have destroyed the lives of numerous womanized victims.

4. Clinton leads the pack in campaign fundraising only because her campaign consistently violates FEC regulations. Fundraising for her 2000 senate campaign, as documented by former supporter, Peter F. Paul, is a brewing scandal unreported by national news organizations. Most likely, this is because three branches of government linked to Bubba’s administration systematically banded together to discredit Mr. Paul. His personal lawsuit against the Clintons remains pending in civil court despite numerous set backs. Google mysteriously banned the trailer video documenting Clinton’s campaign fundraising violations, a brewing scandal in its own right. The former embed code no longer functions, although edited videos continue to play online ... for now.

5. Clinton’s presidential campaign is tainted by a distinctive “kook factor.” Can she appeal to enough Americans? The short answer is no. Just recently, an Iowa waitress involved in a minor tipping flap made a curious about face following serious criticism directed against Clinton. Circumstantial evidence shows a heavy-handed response to this imagined controversy, thereby raising the specter of deeply entrenched paranoia in the Clinton campaign. A Hillary presidency could make the Nixon years seem like the ministry of Mother Theresa. For anyone who survived this chapter of American history, the prospect is terrifying.

6. Twenty years of Clintons and Bushes have not exactly positioned America for prosperity. If anything, the nation has regressed. Take, for example, the shrinking value of the American dollar against the Israeli shekel. Reduced American buying power in a second world nation formerly besieged by rampant inflation is simultaneously sobering and humiliating. Now is the time to send a fresh face to Pennsylvania Avenue, not more of the same expecting a different result.

7. Sure, I’d like to see a woman president in my lifetime. Unfortunately, this particular woman is as spineless as a jellyfish, a repulsive characteristic in any politician, let alone one vying to become leader of the free world. Hillary knows she’s just another face in Congress without Bubba. Despite impeachment and national scandal, that’s precisely the reason she stayed married to him. What's the difference between Billary’s relationship and that of Prince Charles and Princess Diana? At least Diana had the courage to recognize the whorish nature of their marriage and get out.

8. Clinton’s socialist tendencies will wreak havoc on this staunchly capitalistic society, eventually bringing the United States to its knees. Top earners, movers and shakers, and successful entrepeuners can migrate to greener pastures if forced to support the do-nothings and do-littles of America. That’s exactly what other countries are banking upon and likely why so many foreigners are the most vehement Clinton supporters.

Update: After original publication of this article, I discovered the words "about face" in paragraph #5 linked only to a blank page. I hope this was due to some temporary glitch rather than a response to threats of retailiation.

Second Update: One commentator queried whether I dislike Hillary because she is a woman. The simple answer: no. I have no problem electing a woman president. In fact, I hope to live to the day when the U.S. elects a woman or some other minority as president.

I dislike Hillary because she is the wrong person for the job for the reasons stated in my article. When a woman takes a clear stand on the issues and doesn't flip-flop, proposes a solid domestic policy that will jump start the economy, and demonstrates honesty and integrity in their politics - that is the woman I will vote for. Hillary is not that woman. In fact, if you took Hillary and put her in a man's body, hardly anyone would want her to be their president.

People are fooling themselves if they think electing Hillary will put Bill back into a position of power. Hillary is chomping at the bit to make Bill her underling. If she becomes President of the United States, she'll make certain Bill knows exactly who's in charge. Believe me, it won't be him.

Nobody Cares on November 26, 2007

Dishes piled sky high in the sink, headed back to the dentist chair today, the guinea pig is on hospice watch, dirty clothing litters the laundry room floor, another funeral at 1:00 p.m., this month's whopping credit card bill came due, but ... nobody cares. Likewise this drivel culled from cyberspace:

1. Those fabulous pearly whites. An outdoor café setting. Someone deciding to satisfy a craving for nourishment. Why, it’s ... [more]

2. Showing once again that any cumtwat can satisfy a desperate need for attention by sending blind e-mail items to big name bloggers willing to package demented neuroses as news ... [more]

3. Fake sibs who play together stay together while toting over sized designer handbags up, down, and all around town ... [more]

4. This must be what Victoria Beckham meant when she explained how too many copycats inspired her sudden switch to brown hair ... [more]

5. Be careful what you wish for. An early primary election may interfere with your local holiday consumer frenzy and/or television viewing pleasure ... [more]

6. Put a sock in it, John. If Washington, D.C. is the devil’s playground, why are you trying so hard to snag a prime spot in the sandbox? [more]

7. Terrorists killing more terrorists. So far away and yet so relevant. Eh, who am I kidding? Nobody cares. [more]

Chinese Kite Flying

During the Korean war my stepfather was in the Navy and stationed on Guam. That was from 1952 until 1955. Just before we left for home my mom took a weekend shopping trip to Hong Kong. While she was there she bought several Chinese paintings on silk from a little shop. I still have four of them and enjoy the simplicity and subtle colors. This little watercolor is in homage to those Chinese silk paintings. SOLD

"Now Hear This"

On this strange day they call "Black Friday" I ran across this, the strangest Chuck Jones cartoon I've ever seen. Chuck was the originator of the Pepe LePew and Roadrunner and Coyote cartoons, but this doesn't quite fit that mold, (or any mold). This looks like some of the animation we did at Chouinard Art Institute. Chuck used to come and view the films during the end of year Film Arts showings at Chouinard so he must have stolen some of our ideas.(?) Actually he graduated from Chouinard in the early 1930's and after washing cells for Ub Iwerks was hired by Leon Schlesinger (Warner Bros.) in 1933 as an assistant animator. Two years later he was made animator and was assigned to work with director Tex Avery. So, I guess that kinda' explains his nuttyness. He must have inherited some from "Tex".

Enchanted Movie Premieres Bring Out Shoes

Recent movie premieres brought out the stars and their red carpet outfits. Can you guess whose shoes?





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Molly Shannon is Tidy Bowlicious

Molly Shannon seems to be everywhere lately. Here, the Year of the Dog star dedicates a new squeezably soft public restroom in Times Square, New York, NY. Steven Soifer and the ARA would be so proud.

Sorry, but with this week's spotlight on bathroom humor, I couldn't resist.

Wonder how long it will take until the place is totally trashed.

Escaped Mayor of Munchkinland Resembles Andy Hardy

Someone better tell Mickey Rooney that red makes him look like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. No? Well then how about the mayor of Munchkinland? He's certainly the right height. Hoarding old Judy Garland cast-offs again, are we Hardy boy?

Is this guy still ticking? Geez, I thought he kicked the bucket years ago. Must be the oldest living legend in Hollywood.

The costumes were all in good fun. Notables Tina O'Brien, Paul Michael Glaser, and Nigel Havers, along with a scad of lesser knowns joined Mickey and Jane yesterday for the First Family Entertainment Pantomime Season Launch party. Too bad this gala happened across the pond. Looks like jolly good fun.

Here's wishing Mickey another 120 years!

Gracie and Buster

The Airdale Terrier is sometimes called the "King of Terriers" because it is the largest of the terrier breeds, 50 to 100 pounds. The breed has also been called the Waterside Terrier, because it was bred originally to hunt otters. Originating in the Airedale area of Yorkshire, England.
Also called "Bingly Terrier".

Pet Portrait oil painting on stretched canvas (commision) SOLD

Luckily for Mr. Whipple, There’s No Toilet Paper in Heaven

Was there ever a television commercial that crawled under your skin and consistently evoked an urge to immediately change channels?

In the golden age before remotes, Charmin toilet paper commercials were my nemesis. I literally jumped for the knob at the sight of pearl and cardigan clad Caucasian hausfraus going gaga over toilet tissue. Portraits of giddy delight erupting in facial displays of ecstasy, manicured fingers repeatedly digging and releasing plastic swathed toilet rolls, noses buried in bundles of bathroom bales, these women seemed more akin to refugees from the funny farm than anyone I’d ever encountered at my neighborhood grocery store.

For reasons I never understood, the Charmin display cast an irresistible spell over these dipwads, like sex toys in the middle of an underground paraphernalia shop. At the time, I was far too young to understand any obsession over toilet paper, nor did anyone offer anything remotely resembling an explanation. I eventually developed a strong dislike for the clerk who policed these inane suburbanites. His name: Mr. Whipple.

A mustachioed middle-aged man, glasses precariously perched over a bulbous nose, Mr. Whipple was the definitive wimp, someone who couldn’t stop a dog from taking a piss on his own lawn. “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin” was his signature imploration. This pathetic excuse for a bodyguard always ended the spot by grabbing his own pack to furtively squeeze alone. The camera then rooted him out, sending a subliminal message that even its champion watchdog couldn’t resist finger porking Charmin's soft white folds. In time they added a voice over, just in case viewers didn’t understand the pitch.

Oh, I understood fine, I just couldn’t help feeling sick inside. Why would anyone be possessed by a toilet paper fetish, let alone indulge it in the middle of a grocery aisle? Clearly, my mother wasn’t telling me something. Switching channels became an automatic response.

Thankfully, the mystery of toilet tissue affixation ended around the time I hit puberty. By then, those infuriating Charmin commercials had all but disappeared.

Yesterday, the man who made squeezing the Charmin a guilty little pleasure succumbed to natural causes at the Motion Picture & Television Fund Hospital in Woodland Hills, California. Dick Wilson lived to the ripe old age of 91. He was a universally recognized pitchman who didn’t mind forging a career from a product people like me preferred not to contemplate.

Procter and Gamble put Mr. Whipple down in 1999. Although relieved to witness his demise, I’m saddened to hear about Dick Wilson. There should be a lavish tribute on the P & G web site. Dick Wilson shilled for those people more than 500 times.

Another fixture of my childhood is gone. Each passing symbol from my youth reminds me of a bygone era I'm not quite ready to let go. Call it nostalgic affixation. Too bad I can’t dig in my fingers and sniff for relief.

Dog Driving Video Good for a Chuckle

What some people won't do to get over a million views on YouTube! I got bored with this wild ride after forty-five seconds, but it was good for a few chuckles in between.

Politicelebritopia Roundup for November 19, 2007

The line separating politicians and celebrities so often becomes blurred. Mongrel spawn litter the planet as they cross each others' realms. Roundup from this past week includes:

1. Former Vice President and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Al Gore accepts the Founders Award from the International Emmys in New York City tonight. His trophy case must be getting mighty crowded...[more]

2. After six months of random testing and community service, prosecutors dropped misdemeanor marijuana charges against Anna Nicole celebrity judge, Lawrence Korda...[more]

3. U2 activist Bono gives a tell all interview in Rolling Stone magazine. Wasn't Bono one of the original movers and shakers of the politicelebritopia movement...[more]

4. Former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev now shills for Louis Vuitton. Guess the economy's not so great in Russia either...[more]

5. Analysts are back to ranking candidate follicles to determine lead indicators in election 2008...[more]

6. Speaking of the 2008 election, Jackson Browne offered his expertise in woman bullying to the John Edwards campaign...[more]

7. Meanwhile, Edwards is too busy picketing NBC than to care about lackluster support on his own campaign trail...[more]

8. Last, but not least, Paris Hilton practiced bump and grind defense and public speaking in preparation for her delayed mission to Rwanda...[more]

That concludes this week's issue of Bastard Child. Tune in again for more mongrel spawn from around the globe.

Swift Kids For Truth Say No To Hillary Clinton

I believe that children are our future. Let the children laugh and lead the way. Let the children's laughter remind us how it used to be.

Happy Birthday Mickey

Nov, 18,1928- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICKEY MOUSE- At the Colony Theater in New York Walt Disney’s cartoon "Steamboat Willie" debuted- The first major sound cartoon success and the official birth of Mickey Mouse. Two earlier silent Mickey's had been done, but they were held back when the sound experiment went ahead.

From Tashjin Ozgur in Istanbul yesterday: It was in 2005; the future of traditional, hand-drawn animation, the original "animated cartoon", seemed dark, with a diminishing number of die-hards trying to keep it alive, when some participants of a Turkish webforum on animation proposed a day to celebrate the art. The date chosen was November 18, in commemorationof the 1928 release of 'Steamboat Willie', the first Mickey Mouse cartoon to reach audiences.We hoped our idea would spread across borders and be taken up by all who consider the art of the hand-drawn animation to be something special and worth preserving. We here, at least, have observed and celebrated the day for the last two years, and are gearing up to do so again.So this year, on Novemeber 18th, take some time to watch an old fashioned cartoon, and appreciate it for what it is- drawings that seem to move. The heritage of the Renaissance that runs through the centuries has culminated at the tip of the animators' pencil. Happy Cartoon Animation Day!

(Thanks to tomsito.com)

Paula Abdul Hides Plastic Surgery While Simon Says All

Looking for comment from American Idol Judge Paula Abdul about the plastic surgery related death of Kanye West's mother, a TMZ cameraman dug a little too deep. Not that Paula was miffed as described, but clearly she had no interest in discussing her experiences under the knife.

Anyone can see from before and after photos that Paula is no stranger to plastic enhancement. So she had a big shnoz, tarantula thick eyebrows, flat cheek bones, and an A cup. It's the person inside who counts. On the other hand ... enough said. Has anyone seen this woman's reality TV show?

These days it's getting harder and harder to find anyone in the entertainment industry who hasn't had a little nip or tuck. Even her cohort, Simon Cowell, admits to regular botox injections. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he succumbed to liposuction as well. All those comments on last season's show about his moobs had to hit below the sag.

Simon revealed some sensitivity over the moobs while emphatically denying reports about being gay. Don't quote me, but he might have crossed his arms against his chest in response. The body language -- a dead giveaway.

Heading South for Thanksgiving

Some of my family plus my wife and I are going down to Florida to visit the Disney World amusement theme park over the American Thanksgiving holiday. I haven't been to Disney World since I was a child and I am really looking forward to wearing some shorts in November (it's usually quite cold here where I live in November whereas down in Florida, USA it will be a balmy 78 degrees--about 26 celsius--). I am also excited to ride the rides and just act like a kid again. Should be a nice break. I'll be back in about a week.

If you still want to read posts while I'm gone then just check out my archives.
I hope everyone has a peaceful week and to my American friends, Happy Thanksgiving!!

Everything is as it is. It has no name other than the name we give it. It is we who call it something; we give it a value. We say this thing is good or it's bad, but in itself, the thing is only as it is. It's not absolute; it's just as it is. People are just as they are.

-Ajahn Sumedho, "The Mind and the Way"

PHOTO: Cinderella's Castle in Walt Disney World amusement theme park.

Pro Hillary Crowd Turns CNN Las Vegas Debate Into Society Page Social

Aw, ain't that nice. The bride and her groomsmen all lined up and so purty. Whars 'er corsage, ah mean, boo-kay? They couldn't find sump'n to match orange? Aw, ain't it a shame.

Okay. So this isn't a picture from last night's debate in the Silver State, but it might as well be. CNN stuck old Hill at a podium in the middle, flanked by male rivals on each side. When the debate became heated, the audience booed or the moderator admonished her opponents, "One at a time." It reminded me of a coronation. They didn't even allow that Gravel guy to participate.

Sorry, former Senator Mike. This is an exclusive affair. You're not on the guest list. Buh-bye.

But the worst moment came when someone in the audience asked dumpy Hill whether she prefers diamonds or pearls. I can't remember the last time someone asked a presidential candidate their preference for jewelry. Hmmmm. Let's see, now. When was that....could it have been....NEVER?!

Call me old fashioned, but I'm more interested in hearing the details of Clinton's energy plan, not what type of bribes she'll expect from foreign governments.

Exactly how does she intend to fund all those grandiose notions of removing oil from the nation's supply and demand chain? Does she honestly think it will be as simple as giving car manufacturers subsidies to go green? What about public transportation? Is she going to pay off public transportation companies too? Where is all this money coming from? Higher taxes? I'm already being taxed to near extinction in the Free State (soon to be forever known as the "Flee State"). There are so many holes in Clinton's purported energy plan there isn't enough room to tear it apart here.

With such serious matters afoot, will someone please tell me why some bimbo plant got the nod to lob a soft one about jewelry preferences?

Better yet, why is Billary answering such a lamebrain inquiry? I expect serious presidential candidates to answer questions like that with a non-answer. For example, "Not to evade your question, but this is a serious debate concerning the office of President of the United States," or "Not to evade your question, but in all fairness, I don't think that's something the President of the United States will have to decide."

Not a chance. Oh, and for the record, "She Who Should Not Be Named" prefers both. Duh.

Universal Thanksgiving Question

"'Scuse me, but I have to know. Do these giblets make me look fat?"

Hungarian Surprise

The deal in New York was that we were going to surprise Sandor at this book store where they put on plays based on childrens books. That didn't sound very exciting to me, but whatever. Sandor was supposed to arrive with Yalli while we were hiding in the back and as planned we all jumped out at just the right moment, causing Sandor to briefly become airborne with surprise/fright. So it was a good time. The play turned out to actually be enjoyable. The actors were very funny and on this evening were doing skits based on short stories written by Sandor and Yalli's children,and even a story Sandor wrote as a kid; one that his mother dug up from somewhere.



After the play we went to a jazz club where you can play ping pong and pool as the band plays on. That was nice too but i was pretty fatigued by that time. The following days were very enjoyable hanging out with friends and doing touristy stuff in New York. We did an awful lot: American Museum of Natural History (twice), Empire State Building, Times Square (lame), Brooklyn Bridge, Oldest bar in NY, only Scottish Bar in NY, Haggis, the Big toy store, Wall Street, the Hudson River, Chinatown, Soho.... Maree took pictures, as Mike said, like a Japanese Schoolgirl, so i may as well get on to showing them...


The bookstore was somewhere around here.


Story Pirates




An expedition across Central Park. I knew where i was going, Ben didn't.


You can touch this big meteorite.



The American Museum of Natural History is full of so much excellent stuff it would take days to see it all.



It seemed like we were always driving through times square.


I've been to Blue Smoke twice now. They have great food and music.



From the Empire State Building


Yeah, we did stuff like walking the Brooklyn Bridge. Pictured are Sandor, Mike, Ben and Yalli.


Ben and Maree



McSorlies is the oldest running bar in Manhatten and is worth checking out.



Hagas

Sandor searches for the answers to life on Mike's head.



Trinity cemetary in Wall Street has graves as old as 1732, as well as the grave of John Watts and Alexander Hamilton

Writers Strike Ignores Devastating Consequences of Continued Impasse

Film and television writers and studio bigwigs continue their game of chicken on the picket lines. Variety and late night talk shows, Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show, and the Tonight Show have already ceased production. The popular TV show, 24 recently declared an indefinite hiatus. Soon, crown jewels such as Two and a Half Men and Desperate Housewives will grind to an excruciating halt.

It comes as no surprise that money lies at the heart of this dispute. Writers want more for distribution of their material through the Internet and mobile broadcasting. Producers would rather wait and see how much revenue is generated. Sadly, both sides are missing the big picture.

The viewing public is fickle. One day, a celebrity is a rising star. The following year, washed up. Fans change allegiances like clothing and hairstyles. Everything today is disposable.

The movie and television industry would be wise to heed the fickle nature of its lifeblood. Each passing day of impasse draws the industry closer to demise. By way of explanation, take a look at the following hypothetical breakdown of television and movie viewers:

a. The Mindless
People who rely upon television to unwind and/or escape. They will generally continue watching no matter what type of shows are available. Although easily influenced, not a good group for advertisers because they have little disposable income. More likely to rent or have cable than to watch movies in theatres.

b. The Distracted
Channel flippers who land on programs of interest, they are just as likely to tune in as tune out. Television is used as background noise for multi-tasking or a brief respite between tasks. A good group for advertisers, but difficult to capture. Prefer to see movies in theatres, but frequency of attendance varies.

c. The Obsessed
Fans of the highest order who schedule activities around certain television programs, TiVo, on demand, etc. Can be influenced by product endorsement, but wide disparity in disposable income. Spend heavily on DVD rentals and purchases, as well as first run movies in theatres.

d. The Engaged
Destination television and movie watchers. Tend to be intellectual movers and shakers or those with active busy lives focusing on activities other than movies and television. Viewing is pre-planned for shows of interest. Extremely busy schedules and high level of disposable income make this set an advertising dream.

Of course, other categories and subsets may exist. Additionally, the foregoing categories are based upon unproven generalizations. Still, I believe the breakdown is illustrative.

The Engaged and Distracted will tune out quickly, if they haven’t already. The longer the strike continues, the less likely these viewers will return to old habits when it ends. Such was the case to some extent when the industry went on strike back in 1988. At that time, however, free entertainment on the Internet was not widely available. Millions of viewers now flock to independent video productions and cyber networks. Serious advertising dollars are beginning to follow. Revenue generated from the Engaged and Distracted will begin to flow elsewhere.

The movie and television industry is crazy to risk losing all this advertising revenue. That’s why continued impasse is a descent into madness.

The Mindless, of course, will remain loyal viewing subjects, but with little disposable income, their future behavior is inconsequential. That leaves the television and movie industry with two real choices: (1) find a mutually agreeable way to quickly end the strike; or (2) bank on the Obsessed to stay viable.

Is there another alternative that will help this industry emerge unscathed? If so, speak out. Your opinion could help an industry hell bent on killing itself in the name of greed.

The Old Red Barn

The barn has always been the main structure of the family farm. It housed the horses, wagons and other animals of the farmyard. The farmer of years ago built his barn first, before he built the farm house. Even today the rural barn presents a forceful image of community spirit.

This one is in the foothills of the Sierras, east of Sacramento,Ca.

8 1/2"x 11" acrylic on gessoed watercolor paper $195.00 + $5 S&H SOLD

Buddhism and Secular Humanism

I am one of those "Western Buddhists" who is also a secular humanist. So what exactly is secular humanism you ask? Well, this post will be my attempt to answer that question and show how my interpretation of Buddhism fits into it.

Humanism is often described as a philosophical system/way of life that emphasizes reason, ethics and justice and specifically rejects the supernatural. In this regard I do not believe in the supernatural reality of Bodhisattvas as I can not confirm their existence via reasonable, scientific means which is a hallmark of the Humanism that I bring to my Buddhist beliefs. It is actually also a hallmark of Buddhism as seen in the pragmatic, famous teaching found in the Kalama Sutra that is interestingly somewhat similar to the scientific method:

Rely not on the teacher/person, but on the teaching. Rely not on the words of the teaching, but on the spirit of the words. Rely not on theory, but on experience. Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

In fact, Buddhism has a very accepting, positive attitude and view toward science. The Dalai Lama has even stated before that if science proves an aspect of Buddhism in error then Buddhism must change to reflect the new reality:

“One fundamental attitude shared by Buddhism and science is the commitment to keep searching for reality by empirical means and to be willing to discard accepted or long-held positions if our search finds that the truth is different,” he writes in his 2005 book, The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality.

“If science proves facts that conflict with Buddhist understanding, Buddhism must change accordingly. We should always adopt a view that accords with the facts.”

That is all a little off track from my train of thought regarding Bodhisattvas. Part of my rejection of supernatural aspects of Buddhism comes from my practice of Zen Buddhism which tends (and I emphasize tends) to de-emphasize Bodhisattvas. I can not absolutely deny their existence and despite what many say, science doesn't and can not deny the possibility of something new being discovered and I, like many science based folks, am very open to new discoveries. That being said, either way, liberation from suffering is ultimately left up to us humans with the exception of perhaps Pure Land Buddhism. I do, however, believe in Bodhisattvas in a metaphoric sense as the ideal of altruistic excellence. As well as believing that certain living people can share many characteristics of the seemingly mythical Bodhisattva. I do take great hope and refuge in the idea that we all have (sometimes latent within us) the wonderful attributes that the many Bodhisattva icons represent and we practice to cultivate those.

In addition, I do not believe all the fantastic stories told in many of the ancient sutras as literal. I prefer to study, contemplate and ponder the essence of the teachings from these sutras rather then focus on the magical nature of some of their accounts.

In addition, Humanism and Buddhism both share the belief that there is no separable soul within sentient beings.

Another aspect of Humanism is the belief in the value of this life. Humanists do not believe in an afterlife as such and thus emphasize realizing happiness now rather then constantly dreaming for some better life to come. For Humanists, the present moment is the only moment that exists and therefore it is in this moment, right here, right now where we find meaning and purpose. This is an idea that fits squarely within the Dharma and is in fact crucial and critical to the Buddha's teachings.

This point could perhaps be a sticking point between the two because of the Buddhist belief in rebirth. Although an argument could be made that evolution is not much different from rebirth as physics allows for the concept that nothing actually disappears but rather changes molecular composition into something entirely different, not unlike what the theory of rebirth postulates. That being said, many Buddhists (especially western and Zen Buddhists) give concepts of an after life (rebirth) little thought preferring instead to focus simply on present circumstances and let any afterlife that might occur take care of itself. I personally believe that seeing the change and rebirth in every present moment to be more beneficial to our practice then constantly obsessing about an afterlife and what kind of rebirth we might experience. I believe that the bliss of enlightenment occurs in the seemingly mundane events of this humble human life. I do not spend much time contemplating Nirvana either as it is often said that such a "state" or concept to be beyond explanation or understanding.

Humanism also gives prominence to individual responsibility which harmonizes with the Dharma as there is no savior in Buddhism. While teachers are very helpful, again, in the end our happiness and liberation from suffering is up to us.

Humanism also believes that to better the world we all need to work together through reason, tolerance and an open minded exchange of ideas which is important to Buddhism as well. We Buddhists believe that we are interconnected and therefore interdependent upon others. We are therefore encouraged to work for the greater good of humanity rather then just for what is good for ourselves. Humanism (as does Buddhism) believes that all lives are precious and equal regardless of religion, faith, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity or creed.

For me the secular aspect of my Humanist philosophy definitely emerges from my western culture, upbringing and education. I firmly believe in the separation of religion and state for the good, betterment and survival of both.

I find it important to state one more thing, not all Humanists think alike (in fact some believe in a religious form of humanism) as not all Buddhists think alike. This post has been my simple attempt at explaining the Secular Humanist framework in general terms as compared to Buddhism.

And finally, of course I do not and would never assume that my interpretations here should be taken as "better Buddhism" or in any way taken to mean that others should adopt them. They are merely the result and conclusions that I came to from following the Buddha's advice in the Kalama Sutra.

And before you determine that I am a heretical Buddhist (whatever THAT means) I would refer you to a post made by Zen Master Gudo Nishijima who has been practicing for nearly 60 years where he too finds comparisons as well between Humanism and Buddhism.

~Peace to all beings~

Have A Daffy Day

I'm trying out a new feature of the blog, adding cartoons when I don't have time to post a new painting. Try it out and let me know what ya' tink. The cartoons marked BANNED were made during WWII and the censors didn't like them for one reason or another.

Alice and the Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. "Come, it's pleased so far," thought Alice, and she went on. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
`I don't much care where--' said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

In the original (1862-1864) manuscript, Alice was not the little blond girl we're used to seeing. She was patterned after a little dark haired child of a church colleague, for whom the Alice stories had been originally created. (Alice Pleasance Liddell)
The Rev. Charles Lutwidge Dodson created the story on a 2-1/2 hour rowboat trip with a friend and his three daughters. The little girls loved the story so much, Alice begged him to write it down. It was originally titled 'Alice's Adventures Underground', later changed to 'Alice's Adventures In Wonderland' and published under the nom de plume Lewis Carroll.

16"x20" oil on stretched canvas - commission - SOLD

BlogWorld: An Equal Opportunity Random Celebrity Encounter Provider

Las Vegas continues to amaze and delight this small town girl. It's probably one of the few places on the planet where odds of randomly encountering a celebrity increase exponentially relative to the amount of time spent in public gatherings. The caliber and quality of random celebrity encounter, however, is a completely separate matter.

For example, anyone signed up for the Executive and Entrepeneur session of BlogWorld had the option of attending a private screening of The Kite Runner on Wednesday night. Not many did. Don't get me wrong, the event was well attended. It just wasn't a theatre filler. Too bad for the ones who missed out. Celebrity film critic, radio talk show host, political blogger, and all around media entrepeneur Michael Medved acted as master of ceremonies. The organizers didn't publicize Mr. Medved's participation, nor did they dangle the possibility of meeting the film's lead actor, Khalid Abdallah. To say I had my socks knocked off not only by the movie, but also the opportunity to press flesh with these celebs is an understatement. Afterward, Mr. Abdallah and I spoke briefly outside. Very impressive actor who really knows his craft. He's waiting for the next good project to come along. This is a guy who can afford to be choosy.

Last night, BlogWorld hosted a happening party at the Hard Rock Hotel. My chance meeting with celebrity satirist, comedian, Letterman guest, political commentator, and all around funny guy Evan Sayet was definitely a highlight. I'm not too proud to admit, Evan did not immediately register on my celebrity radar. Something about the way he looked me in the eye and said, "Don't you know me?" made me think if I didn't know him, then I certainly should.

We chatted for a while over at the slot machines. When I told Evan I liked to make fun of celebrities, he was a little reluctant to spill about himself. Luckily, I managed to steer the conversation over to politics and family. That's where he began to open up and show his more meaningful side. I don't have enough time this morning to reveal every nook and cranny. Suffice it to say, Evan is a charmer who understands the error of his youth. To sum it up in one sentence, self-indulged Americans of his era refused to acknowledge the tried and true maxim of actions have consequences. I'd say that maxim continues to hold true today, wouldn't you?

Then, there's the mysterious red bus "from Mexico" with continuously running video parked outside the Hard Rock at about 12:30 a.m. I use the quotations because who knows the true origination of this vehicle. A slew of black suited men piled out as I left the casino, leaving the impression of an impending celebrity appearance. I asked one of them who remained inside, but couldn't get a straight answer.

"Just someone from Mehico," was all he would venture in a charming Spanish accent.

"Who?" I anxiously replied. The guy stayed mum and walked away.

Must be someone really big, I imagined. With nothing better to do and no one prodding me along, I decided to stand there and wait -- all night if that's what it took -- to glimpse the big name celeb inside. Needless to say, after 15- 20 minutes, no big name celebrity debarked. In fact, the bus eventually packed up and pulled away. Either the person inside is of such high caliber celebrity they can afford to be completely full of themselves, or I'd just randomly encountered some Mexican show girl too shy to show off her ill-fitting cheap red dress and spiked heels. Either way, the experience left me feeling slightly unfulfilled, like I had just been robbed of some exciting story to tell my eventual grandchildren.
Or not.

Hey, I hear O.J. is in town for the second day of hearings on his armed robbery charges. Hmmmmm. Courthouse or BlogWorld? BlogWorld or the courthouse? Where should I go? For someone as fascinated with all things celebrity, is there really any question?

O.J.'s a hack. Everyone who's anyone is going to BlogWorld. See you people over at the Convention Center.

Attending the BlogWorld Convention in Las Vegas, Nevada

What day is it today? Tuesday? Friday? I have no idea. That's because I'm in VEGAS, baby. Can anyone say highroller?

No, really, I'm here at the BlogWorld convention in Las Vegas -- my third day in the "City That Never Sleeps." At first it was very surreal, like landing in The Valley of the Giants or something. I had never been to Vegas before. I have to say, the place definitely lives up to its reputation. As an example, Tuesday night, I decided to explore the fabled strip. You know, the area with all the fancy hotel casinos, shopping, and other attractions. Disneyland for adults, complete with loudspeakers

My first encounter with said strip was a trip. The sheer magnitude of people criss-crossing the terrain stopped me dead in my tracks. There directly across the street stood Caesars Palace, a grand edifice and stunning shrine to all things Roman. As I stood there admiring the view, I realized others were hanging out on this particular corner as well. So I did what any self-respecting solo woman who didn't want to stand out as a gaping tourist screwball would do. I blended in. Seamlessly so, I thought.

So, apparently, did a lot of others. No one gave me a second glance. I had the vantage point of being able to mentally record all manner of human behavior virtually undetected. Much of it was quite normal and benign. People taking in the sites and moving along to their next destination. Ocassionally, some drunk person would weave by, and a chick in a strapless wedding gown with bridal party in tow sauntered down, but other than that, nothing so much out of the ordinary.

This post has become unintentionally long and I'm going to have to cut it short. I could continue in more detail, but the convention's keynote speaker is supposed to take the stage at 8:45 a.m. and it's already 8:05 a.m. Vegas time.

To make a long story short, as I stood there blending in with the waiting crowd (they were waiting for tables inside the restaurant), along came a very inebriated man from Kentucky, his wife on his arm. They greeted the people standing next to me, laughing and joking, relating stories of their adventures. Then, the guy starts doing this solo dance in the middle of the sidewalk. I just lost it. The dude had no idea how ridiculous he looked.

I couldn't resist. "You crack me up," I said out loud, a big smile spread across my face.

"Well come on, darl'n, join me," he beckoned, but of course I declined, glancing over at his wife. She was doing her utter best to play the part of a good sport.

Ahhhh, I'll just wrap this one up. Sorry, really, about the quality of this post, but I figured I had to post something soon or people might get the impression I dropped off the face of the earth.

As you can probably imagine, the drunk dude from Kentucky didn't want to take no for an answer. He started cozying up to me, right there is front of his friends and poor wife. Clearly, the woman was not amused.

Yeah, I could have been a real bee-yotch and taken advantage of an opportunity to get crazy. Afterall, this is Vegas where practically anything goes. But being a loyal and loving wife (I love you, honey, if you're reading or ever read this), I continued to demur. Luckily so because I think if I had taken the guy up on his proposal, the wife would have popped me. All the while I kept staring into her face, hoping he would get the message and do the same. When he finally let go of me, I breathed a smile sigh of relief.

Visions of cat fights danced away in my head.

Oh, what we women put up with to stay married. Vegas or no Vegas, that lady from Kentucky has my sincere sympathies.

Introducing, The Enlightenment Visa Card!!!

Because nothing says Buddhism like materialism and accruing debt.

I'm a little late on this but what great news!!! Here I was wasting hours and hours meditating to realize enlightenment and now I can just buy a piece of the Nirvana pie at a mere 15% APR!! Now I have an enlightened way to buy my Zen liqueur!!

The late fee for past due payments is $25 which is apparently this credit cards version of accruing less skillful karma. If you keep missing payments then you will be reborn as a "credit liability." Here's a question you might want to ask before signing up, would my credit card debt follow me into my next rebirth if I sign up for this card?

You know those Visa commercials, well here is a suggestion for one that they could do to promote their new "Enlightenment Visa" card.

Meditation cushion: $35

Buddha statue: $20

Buying your way toward enlightenment? Priceless.

Finally there is a way to become enlightened AND stay greedy!!

But seriously. Yes, at first glance this seems quite offensive but I think we should have a laugh over it as Buddhism will be just fine. Buddhism has been around for some 2,500 years and it has survived much more serious threats to its survival then a Visa "Enlightenment Card." It will shake this off like a bunch of annoying fleas. This Visa shtick is like throwing pebbles at a mountain as columnist Mark Morford says. It's annoying but not damaging to Buddhism.

~Peace to all beings~

Mountain Colors

Having lived in the Sierras for more than 20 years, scenes like this are commonplace and even taken for granted. We lived approximetly 20 miles outside of Nevada City, near the little town of North San Juan. The town has 2 small grocery stores, 1 gas station, 1 bar (The Brass Rail) and 1 restuarant (Toki's). Most of the town residents are either loggers, miners or hippies, and quite a colorful lot they are. I have many good memories of those people and times. Debi and I lived, and our kids grew up in the woods on our 6-1/2 acre parcel. We built a house, dug a well and planted a huge garden. (We were in the hippie group.) Chickens, turkeys, goats, ducks, Great Danes and cats romped all over the place. What a fun time in our lives. Then we moved to civilization and got civilized.......(sort of)....... but we still have the memories.

9"x12" watercolor on 120 lb. acid free paper $120.00 +$5 S&H

Sad Saga of O.J. Simpson and Other True Confessions

O.J. Simpson is back in the news, this time for something really bizarre, if that’s even possible. About three weeks prior to the alleged armed robbery that landed him in jail, the FBI blew off warnings about the self-organized sting operation from "O.G.loved One" and his co-conspirator, Thomas Riccio, refusing to take part in another “weird celebrity case.” According to the Jordan Falls News,

|FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said Riccio did not indicate a crime
|would be committed.

So, let me get this straight. The FBI plopped a gob of goo on the laps of Nevada authorities because the idiots who orchestrated this reality TV heist neglected to inform the feds about possible use of force? How exactly did the FBI envision an O.J. confrontation with an alleged memorabilia-stealing wheeler-dealer?

“Hello there. I’m O.J. Simpson. Would you like me to autograph this stuff? Gee, thanks. Now that I’ve got everything I need, I’ll be seeing you around…”?

It’s bad enough the feds sat on intelligence normally channeled to local authorities, but what goads me is their insipid excuse for doing so. That got me thinking about the O.J. saga in general and how this development from another planet is one more miserable notch in the “couldn’t make this stuff up” belt.

Of course, when it comes to making stuff up, O.J. takes top honors. Who else would have the unmitigated gall to pen something as rancid as If I Did It, call it fiction, and expect to profit? I couldn’t bring myself to look at this repackaged tripe and, apparently, neither could a lot of other people. Thankfully, the "O.G.loved One's" ill-advised foray into true crime confession is now #125 on Amazon.com, although I do feel for the Goldman family as the book’s gathering freefall means less sour grapes for the juice.

When the book placed in the top ten, it stood in a class all its own. Nothing from its genre had ever garnered so much attention. In fact, the book paved the way for anyone – group, individual or heir -- wanting to peddle a compelling true story as fiction. I had a strange inkling about a possible literary trend, so I decided to do some digging around. What I uprooted is indeed stranger than fiction. Take a look at the top seven manuscripts rumored for publishing in 2008:

1. If We Perpetrated A Cover Up, by the Warren Commission
Subject: Assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
Summary: Back in the day, before Freedom of Information and the JFK Records Act, there was no need to consider a conspiracy. We could pretty much investigate however we pleased. The development of forensic science was primitive in comparison to today’s methodologies. Also, the lack of meaningful oversight allowed us to omit key information with no immediate consequences. As the months dragged on, it became readily apparent if we reported the destruction of material evidence or numerous irregularities in our own fact-finding mission, then too many “good old boys” would lose their jobs. Blaming a dead man and those bozos in the Secret Service became our ticket out of Dodge.

2. If I Caused It, by Yoko Ono
Subject: The break up of The Beatles.
Summary: John always most talented of that group. But inside, he still insecure like little boy. From minute we meet eyes, John drawn to me, like young butterfly to flowing nectar. I suppose it not hurt I also master of ancient Japanese technique. I plan all those bed-ins, make John my sex slave. Very soon, John do exactly as I say. I say world revolve around us, not mopheads. John take me everywhere, let me deal with cheeky leeches. Everyone fight. Only one sure way to make end.

3. If We Pushed Illegal Drugs To Do Our Dirty Work , by George H.W. Bush
Subject: Ending the counter-culture revolution.
Summary: All those commie subversives from the ‘60s -- Black Panthers, Brown Berets, Cesar Chavez, Martin Luther King, Jr., Young Lords, Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee – they all swore an oath to destroy America. Our secret intelligence tried every known tactic to squelch those vermin. Yet, as fast as we could pick ‘em off, another would take their place. The CIA still denies any involvement in illegal drug trafficking, but it took me less than a year to find out how we were sweeping those pinkos off the streets into the crack houses and prisons where they belonged. Of course, with my political aspirations being what they were, once I caught on, I had to resign my position as Director. Told everyone I needed to spend more time with Babs.

4. If I Erased It, by Rose Mary Woods, as told by her best friend (name withheld upon request)
Subject: The missing Watergate tapes.
Summary: In a desperate attempt to save my career, I purposefully erased about ten minutes of those tapes. Even an average jane secretary knows her boss is going down when he’s reckless enough to record himself disparaging minorities. I swore an oath to Tricky I’d never tell, but seeing as how he resigned, I can’t see the harm now. I immediately stopped erasing when an aid barged through my door. After everyone had left the office for the day, I went back to retrieve an old sweater. There was Tricky, all flustered and sweating like a cow, poor thing. He was desperate to work the erase pedal. I gently tried to show him how, but he stubbornly insisted on doing it himself. Before he could get the hang of it, Pat barged in. She ordered him upstairs. I quickly put on my sweater and left. Heard her saying something about finishing what he started. Never did learn what.

5. If Humans Were Bred With Extraterrestrials , by Paul Bennewitz, as told
by an extremely concerned neighbor (name withheld upon request)
Subject: Area 51.
Summary: They poisoned me, those S.O.B.s, my mind, my water, all my food, everything I hold near and dear. They know it, I know it, and now the whole world will know. They used that off limits base to breed humans with aliens. It’s the only way the United States will remain a world power. When I found out, they implanted a chip in my brain to keep me from blabbing. They know it, I know it, and now the whole world will know. Don’t mind all the crazy drawings posted on my walls. Do you hear voices? I need a cigarette. Will you please make the voices stop? Where’s my cheese?

6. If It Wasn’t An Accident, by Prince Philip
Subject: Death of Princess Diana.
Summary: I always felt responsible for forcing that disastrous marriage, more so when she and poor Charles divorced. Those half naked tabloid pictures with that ghastly Arab, well, that’s what did her in, I’m afraid. As mother of heir to the royal throne, she still had our dignity to maintain. Bett tried to warn her by floating rumors, but the little tart paid no mind. She left the House of Windsor no choice. Putting my brilliant stroke of genius into action was quite easy, really. We knew her itinerary. We had a discreet link inside the DGSE. We set up a ruse for some chap to pose as a photographer. The rest, shall we say, is history. My one regret is Henri. He wasn’t supposed to be on service detail.

7. If Daddy Orchestrated It, by Jenna Bush
Subject: 9/11.
Summary: It’s no secret Daddy used drugs and alcohol to cope with his inadequacies. I’ll be the first to confess, being the do nothing offspring of a powerful man is mucho depress-o. At some point, Mum threatened to leave Daddy unless he sobered up. The next thing I knew, Grandpa and Uncle Dick promised Daddy the White House in return for a whole buncha stuff. Something about that Bin Laden dude and Halliburton. Does Saudi mean anything to y’all? Anyhoo, every who was anyone in the Republican party leaned all over those supreme court robes to sway Daddy’s election. Then, Condi worked out a plan involving stealth planes and missile fire -- still a tad hazy on details – something about increasing Daddy’s ratings in opinion polls to impress Mum. I feel bad innocent people had to die, but I’m sure glad my folks stayed together. Umm. Well. Can y’all excuse me? Henry and I gotta party.