Beyotch Swotch Catfights: Williams v. Omarosa and Danica v. Duno

Ack. No. Say it isn't so. Someone actually approved the reappearance of Stinkaroma Manigsworth-Stalwhatever on television!

Just because classless nobody publishes a predictably tell nothing book with catchy beyotch title doesn't mean anybody's going to buy it. Whoever talked Wendy Williams into bringing that street smart smack talking divorcee on her fine television program ought to be beyotch-slapped.

Better yet, "You're F-I-R-E-D."

It all started when Williams mentioned the perception of Omarosa as "ABW" (angry black woman). Stinky said she'd rather be ABW than a buffoon. At that point, Williams should have told her it was too late, but instead valiantly tried to stay the course. Meanwhile, Stinky took potshot jabs.

Then it got truly ugly. Stinky accused Wendy of being fake while Wendy in turn slowly picked her apart. As they sat there symbolically clawing away at one another, the plushy pink couch began to look more like a psycho ward chaise than a celebrity talk show perch. Honestly, their catfight was so over the top, I started to wonder whether it was staged.

There must be a strain of catnip in the drinking water because champion racing car driver Danica Patrick recently clawed it out with rival Milka Duno. Maybe the heat is starting to fry people's brains. Don't they realize they're being recorded?

Maybe like old Stinkaroma, whose 15 minutes expired an eternity ago, they simply just don't care.

Rolling Stone Perks Francis Bean

Saw this bite-sized nugget at Celebrity Smack and started feeling a prickly tingling in the back of neck.

For starters, Cobain Jr.'s stark blue eye peering out from wavy brunette locks is unnerving, like the little bugger might suddenly decide to reach out from the computer screen and rip my soul clean out of my body. Remember The Ring and Ring Two? Scary.

Don't mean to detract from this news story (if you could call it that). I'm just saying that lipid blue eyeball in a meadow of dark black mascara creeps me out.

Rumors are circulating about candy-eyed 15-year old Francis Bean Cobain flaunting her celebrity pedigree at Rolling Stone magazine. Someone with an axe to grind says the daughter of heavy metal rocker Courtney Love and the late Kurt Cobain isn't doing her share of drudge work despite having landed a coveted summer intern position.

According to Page Six, insiders say "she doesn't get coffee for anyone . . . calls in sick all the time and wears funny outfits."

Oh, the horror. Rock 'n roll royalty who basically doesn't need a job acts like she owns the place and gets funky. I'm with the Smacker on this one, those outfits would have to be pretty darn outrageous to register with the granddaddy of music mags. If some sniveling co-worker can't deal with the obvious favoritism, that's their problem.

Boo-hoo-hoo. Cobain either doesn't show up or is sitting around swapping hooplah with the natives, making them feel good about working in tiny cubicles while elevating her own status in the music biz. Big deal. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Did it ever occur to anyone that FrannyB is doing Rolling Stone a favor by hanging around? Having a direct pipeline into behind-the-scenes antics of Courtney Love and cohorts has got to be worth a pretty penny, doncha think? No wonder their reps deny any impropriety, claiming "She's a great girl, and we're thrilled to have her."

I would too if the arrangement might lead to a juicy magazine story. Although ... well ... first I'd make the kid buy some Ray-Bans.