Ma: (to minion) Our ROC centenary has fallen flat. The population don't seem to understand their cultural heritage or appreciate their country's glorious history. Any suggestions?
Lo: I propose we make a new rule sir! One that would clarify our position on our nation's title and culture and reinvigorate the public's trust and belief in our national identity.
Ma: ... and that would be?
Lo: We ... [pause for effect] ... effectively, for all Government officials, ban the word 中國 when used to refer to our PRC friends. From now on, 中國 refers to our conception of One China, namely 中華民國. We can use the word 'Mainland' or 'China Mainland' for PRC administered regions.
Ma: Brilliant! I will leave right away to test out the idea.
[pause ...
... Ma returns]
Lo: Well Sir? What happened? Did they cheer you?
Ma: No.
Lo: Did they express how they felt a swell of national pride rise within their breasts?
Ma: No.
Lo: Are they even going to stop using the word 中國 to refer to the PRC?
Ma: No.
Lo: Well what the hell happened? Did you carefully read the speech I wrote?
Ma: Yes. Apparently, that was the root of the problem. They didn't smile or laugh and cheer. They just sat there open mouthed. Then they told me what they thought of your speech.
Lo: ... and? Let me guess. They said it was difficult to appreciate all the beauty of it?
Ma: Not quite. They asked me what made me think I could indoctrinate the Taiwanese to believe they were all politically Chinese where both Chiang's, even protected by their dictatorships, failed.
Lo: [gasp] Local unpatriotic low class separatist scum!
Ma: Then they asked me if I was trying to induce Taiwanese to self-censorship in the hope of reifying the ROC on Taiwan through language policy.
Lo: How dare they!
Ma: There's more. They told me how utterly unnecessary my speech was and how it was clearly a transparent ploy to press the 'REVERT' button on Taiwanese identity back to 1949. They said that Taiwanese national identity had only grown in recent years so my ideas were sailing against the wind. They pointed out that all this arse-kissing about Chinese identity and culture in Taiwan and the ROC centenary was for Beijing's consumption, it wasn't making any friends and looked pretty silly when the PRC continued to marginalise the ROC abroad and diplomatically isolate it. So much for modus vivendi they said. So much for how being the ROC would bring cross-strait mutual respect for Taiwanese sovereignty they said. They'd choose whatever words they wanted to use to refer to China thank you very much, something about King Canute and tides and then they turned their backs on me and walked away.
Lo: Those squat dark skinned Japanese pirates in the South will pay dearly for this insult!
Ma: oh um, actually I haven't gone public yet. I just gave my speech to the KMT Central Standing Committee.
Lo: [in a squeaky trembling voice] oh shit.
Ma: By the way, think I'll get the nomination from the KMT to run for re-election?
[wind blows, tumbleweed rolls across the screen]
Ma: Lo? Lo?
Further Reading:Taipei Times reportA-guTaiwan newswire Yam reports the President's comment (tip to A-gu)
Fapa joins in the
condemnation.
Taipei Times
editorial.Mike Turton's
angle on events - Ma's announcement was aimed at Taiwanese, not especially government workers - chimes beautifully with my 'quote' above that the new rules was intended to "induce Taiwanese to self-censorship in the hope of reifying the ROC on Taiwan through language policy." In that respect, Ma is a one man time machine capable of emulating both Japanese assimilationist policy and post-war ROC occupation, colonisation and indoctrination of Taiwanese through education and Martial Law. Scary.
